blah..blah..and blah..

Notice

2008-12-25T07:34:00.000-08:00

Anedra has moved to www.anedraswalks.blogspot.com

2008-09-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

After a 6 year break from the whole the diaper-change, breastfeeding ordeal of baby-dom, I find myself panicking as I approach my due date. I have totally forgotten how to handle a baby, ie. ow much milk would the baby need? 4 ounces? 6? 8? or feed until it pukes? Diaper change as and when required? Or every 4 hours? (wait - every 4 hours is for changing sanitary pads, right?) . Only 2 days ago, as I watched bibik burp my niece after feeding, did I remember that - oh my God! yes! - Must burp baby after meals!! Geeez, was that a lightbulb moment or what? Panic, panic. I will have to get one of those baby handling, parenting books soon. Sigh, I can totally see myself being quite hopeless at this.

Other than that, it's been kinda exciting.. Buying baby clothes, milk bottles etc. The anticipation and the excitement of having a little tot at home. N seems quite excited too. For the first time, he actually has a name list prepared 2 months ahead of the date! For the past two, the name giving exercise almost seemed like an after thought; the poor boys!

It's about a month more to go. I can't wait. I feel so heavy and quite hate this phase where we actually "waddle" about rather than gracefully walk from point to point. It doesn't help either when baby thinks that the bladder is a squeeze toy! Can't laugh, can't sneeze, can't snort! At the same time, I dread the whole labour process. Of course, I am inclined to cheat ( as usual) with my normal dose of epidural etc. Oh, and let's not talk about the breastfeeding, and the fact that my boobies will grow so large that they'll gve Dolly Parton a run for her money!! Haha! Hopefully, with God's grace, everything will go fine.

In the meantime, I intend to think happy, happy thoughts, have a great Eid and wallop as much rendang and Eid sinfuls as my tummy will permit.

Eid Mubarak everyone - have a great one with your loved ones.

A Miss

2008-07-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

The company I work with offers free umrah every year for employees who have served for more than 7 years. They'd normally go in Ramadhan for 2 weeks. I reached my 7 year mark a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, for management, there is a quota, and so, I have been on the wait list and still have not been selected to go.

Of course, this is a thing to look forward to and I have been waiting patiently, albeit tapping my nails on my desk thinking when? when? when?

Then finally, I get the phonecall today informing me that I have been shortlisted and that they just need my agreement so that all the processing can be done. And my answer was - NO, I can't! Dang! I am having a baby soon, remember? I'd be almost 8 months by the time they leave..there's no way I can go.

Sighhh...the one trip I've been waiting for. Can't describe the disappointment. But then again, I can't have everything can I? Insyaallah, God will call on me again to visit his Mecca some time soon.

Insyaallah!

Looking for Playmates

2008-07-15T03:32:00.000-07:00

My happiness in finding a volunteer for Nasri's playroom timewas short-lived when she received her offer to go to college and is reporting this Thursday. Oh, yes, I am happy for her, very happy, actually but now I need to find a replacement to fill the gap!

Finding volunteers to work with a child like Nasri is not easy. When I was first told at the start-up course that I attended a year ago, that my programme would depend a lot on getting people to help me in the playroom, I was quite stumped. No lah, sceptical, more like it. I did not know of any one who would volunteer to come play at home with kids. Especially kids on the spectrum, like Nasri. It is very different from in the States where volunteering seems like a big thing! In fact, all my friends from the States seemed to have no qualms at all in finding people who would come to their homes, be part of their teams and work with their children! Wow, I thought..how would I ever do that in Malaysia?? They told me to ASK - if you ask, you may get. If you don't - you definitely won't get anything.

And so I asked - and I found that yes, there are very kind people around. I have now two people who come to our house to play with Nasri and run my programme with me and are doing a great-great job. God bless them both, I am supremely lucky to have them both!

Now two volunteers is nothing to brag about. My pals in the States have teams of 8 to 10 people!! And I have only two (if you include bibik and myself - we make four! yaay?) I have to say though, finding volunteers in Malaysia is not an easy thing. This may be an exaggeration, considering I haven't scouted the whole of Malaysia! I have asked our therapists if they know people, I have asked at centers where Nasri goes to, if anyone was willing, but the response seems dismal. Some appear sceptical... Like, "what?? Come to your house and spend time with a kid? That kid?" SO yes, although I have volunteers, many who have been asked aren't so accepting.

I don't blame them. Not many people know about the spectrum. The kids can be seen as highly weird, slightly retarded and just simply abnormal. That scares them. It requires some education - teaching people about the spectrum - and hey, we have a long way to go. And therefore, as much as I may whine, that is the reality of it. SO I keep telling myself that my role is to keep on educating whenever the chance arises.

Then again, there are people who would come and volunteer - BUT they may not be suitable for the job. The job takes patience and a lot of understanding. And in our programme it takes the 3Es : Energy, Enthusiasm and for the life of me, as I type I just can't recall the last E!! Yikes! So then comes the issue of selecting and monitoring your volunteers. How do you find good ones, how do you train them, how do you keep them motivated, how do you keep them on track? It's hard, and I ain't doing great in many areas with my volunteers in many aspects especially keeping them motivated. Some days are good, some days are bad. In the first place - how do I keep MYSELF motivated? So much for the 3Es huh?

Sigh. I'm beginning to wonder where this post is leading to. Anyways - volunteering is good. It's FUN- if you like kids,. and if you can tolerate a mommy like me, who can be such a pensyarah bebas when it comes to this. SO , since I am 6 hours short with my playroom time, I guess, I might as well ask...

ANYONE WILLING TO COME AND PLAY WITH NASRI??? HANDS UP! SERIOUSLY - HANDS UP?? JOM lahhhhh....

ps. To Ena who is starting college this Thursday - all the best and enjoy!! I know that you'll be the best nurse in the whole wide world. And thanks for everything you've helped us with. We'll miss you!

Bring it On

2008-07-03T18:47:00.001-07:00

It’s Friday. Pressure day. Somehow my deadlines always fall on Fridays, but working under pressure is my forte, so, la-di-da.. Bring it on!

Am totally looking forward to the weekend. Simply because we have nothing planned. Nothing to do…just laze about and go with the flow. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, especially on the internet regarding issues on Nasri. It’s great that the center whose program I work on run live webinars every Wednesday, and have them published on the internet. Good stuff…but I’m lagging like 5 webinars late. Gotta catch up, but I also wanna catch up on Command and Conquer! How la? Priorities, priorities..

I managed to get another volunteer for Nasri’s program, which means adding another 6 hours to his playroom time. Whoooopeeee! It’s hard to find people who would want to come over and play with him, especially since dealing with special children is not easy and some people find it “scary” I guess, venturing into the “unknown”. But really, once you learn to love them for who they are – you do get hooked! (Anyone interested???)

Nasar has been doing great too. Despite entering his new school a year late, he came up as top scorer for his Arabic exams which really blew me off my seat. I’m glad he’s taking things well and more importantly loving going to school everyday. Kembang buns mak dia. Alhamdulillah.

And the mama? Mengembang dengan pesatnya! 4 months to go. I'll be equivalent to 3 cempedak ranum by then! Normally, I'd be really stressed about this, but in my true "gasak" attitude, I'll say "Bring it On!"

Panic

2008-06-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

The fact that it's a Monday morning and I'm all up to using the "blues" excuse as an attempt not to utilise any of my brain cells to do work that I am actually paid for, leaves me puzzled as to why I am here on blogger randomly keying in another useless update.

I couldn't sleep last night and I blame it on the book I was reading - oh, nothing heavy, something to do with chasing Harry Winston which was rather entertaining. Plus I suppose, I felt a wee bit bloated and couldn't position myself right to get into slumber. Needless to say, I am a sleepy grouch this morning. The fact that I will only work 2 days this week, makes it worse. SO much to do, so little time!! (seems like that's my current mantra.) Add that with the time needed to spend nursing the bitchy blues - that leaves me with practically no time. Groan, groan, stress, stress!

Panic. Yup, panic too. I have someone flying over from the UK to help Nasri and I with our work in the playroom. Play should be easy and fun - and I guess it is, once you learn to let your hair down and remove all inhibitions. We definitely have been having fun but for the mommy, play with objective and tracking sheets, and gathering feedback from volunteers is a whole different story altogether. Need I tell you that I suck at paperwork? So, yes, panic because, I decided to suddenly realise today that I although I have been playing a lot, I haven't structured myself well, which is a big No-No. And yes, I will be expecting a British earful from Paula when she gets here. Ayooo, time for self-assessment and kicking myself in the butt. All this on a Monday morning!

SO as shallow as this may sound - it is a Monday morning effort after all... I guess I could come up with a big-big list of excuses OR oooh, get someone to dangle me some carrots!! That always helps kan?

Hee haw.

Lame Ol Quickie

2008-06-16T02:49:00.000-07:00

As lame as it sounds - So much to do, so little time! And thus, this very-the-very neglected blog Kasihan dia! Let's try a quickie and see whether this works.

With a negotiated three day working week - I thought I'd finally have time to breathe a little and plan life better. Never did I think that life would turn haywire and topsy turvy. It's almost a year now with this new working arrangement..and hey, I still am scrambling about trying to get things done. Juggling office work (three day working week actually means three day working week in the office, and the other two at home! boohoo) and juggling all the things I promised myself and my kenit-menit Nasri I'd achieve for him.

I don't want to complain much, because yes - we have managed a lot, Nasri and I. He is stringing 2 words now (when he is in a good mood!) and at most other times he says a lot of things, parts of words, word-sounding-words etc, etc. Believe it or not, he is also the best behaved boy in one of his classes. Hip, hip, hooray! Mommy shouldn't take all the credit - I have had lots of help from kind people who come to the house to play with Nasri (mental note: Must blog about them and the world of volunteers), I have kind bosses who graciously gave me this three day week without complaining so far and whom I know have tried VERY hard not to disrupt my working schedule although it doesn't work all the time - nothing is perfect, yes? A supportive household and family that tolerate my moodswings which actually means, the days when I don't say a word and shut myself up in my room to lose myself in the Travel Channel. I have blessings to count, that's for sure.

As a family, we're ok. Living life day by day the way we think best. N, according to people is keeping me company, prospering horizontally. Nasar is now our little family ustaz, after we enrolled him into a new Islamic school this year; which is actually great. We have him saying the azan at prayer time, and he tells us always - "the most important thing is to pray", great innit? Funnily enough though, whenever he says this it reminds me of MC HAmmer's "Pray" - Remember? "We got to pray just to make it today..!" Oh man, this mommy has got to get her act straight! Nasri - he's charming us with his antiques, but hey, he scares us too sometimes. Like most children on the autistic spectrum, the only thing that's predictable, is the unpredictability of how he can get. Patience is key. And love too. And energy. Thank God the surprises are more charming than scary these days. (mental note: more on that some other time)

I have lots on my plate and to add on to that, I have a little surprise swelling in my belly. Well, not really a surprise..considering Nasar has already named him/her : Ben, if it's a boy and Poppy, if it's a girl! So I guess I will be a water-retentioned, leaking-bladdered pengapit very, very soon after all!! I am too excited for my friend, that I'll worry about what to wear later - I'm sure they sell nice, cream coloured tents for pregnant old me somewhere!

I'll be back - well, at least, I'll try!

A Day in the Jungle

2008-02-10T22:20:00.000-08:00

Oh dear – blogger’s block, if you could call it that.

I wanted to write about the boys but I also want to put up some pictures of them. Can’t do it at the moment since I haven’t transferred the stuff from the camera to my computer. Lame excuse, but it buys me time, no?

Anyways, as to not leave this blog empty without an update, which shall further give me excuse to not update ever, here’s one picture of what N and I have been up to. This is an ATV ride up to the Ulu Kelang dam and to a beautiful waterfall (picture not available) in Kg Kemensah a few weeks ago. The ride is up and down orang asli tracks through a beautiful jungle which I highly recommend to those who like to rough it out once in a while. Our next trip in the next few weeks, is to Janda Baik which will take 6 hours, across 3 rivers, leeches and all!
Can't wait!

Please Say "YES"?

2008-01-21T23:50:00.000-08:00

I can’t describe my happiness when one of my oldest friends asked me to be her bridesmaid for her upcoming wedding. I said, “You mean gumuk gedempol me??? OF COURSE!!!!” Haha. You see, I’ve never been a bridesmaid before. Maybe it’s because I got married before all my friends did and was busy being pregnant when they got married. So naturally, I jumped at the offer, this would probably be my last chance anyways!

I was already planning what I’d wear, how I’d put up my hair, my exercise regime so that I won’t be overly gemuk gedempol on her wedding day, etc..etc.. Mental note: Must gelek extra at belly dancing class! Yaay! Already daydreaming on the shopping trips, hen party etc, etc! What a ball we’d have, as though I’m the one getting married instead.

I can’t wait and I so want to do this - BUT as with everything else in life, there’s always the anti-climax.

I am planning to get pregnant soon.

And if I do get pregnant this month, I’d be in my late second trimester on the wedding day. I can’t delay the pregnancy – I’m already 4 years behind schedule (or so my husband says..)

How aahh? Would it be okay for me to do the job?

Has anyone seen a very pregnant-water retentioned-leaking bladdered pengapit on stage before?

Ever?

In Pursuit of a Soul-Mate

2008-01-17T19:52:00.000-08:00

For some reason or another, the year end saw us as a family debating the issue of soul-mates. Is having one important? Should the person you marry be your soul-mate? Should not marrying your soul-mate compromise happiness?

My brother calls me a pragmatist, a realist, that I do not have a need for a soul-mate. That my life is driven by sheer objective and all this nonsensical, theatrical need for a soul-mate is something I could live without –as long as I achieve my objectives. Hmmm?

Bro, on the other hand, is an idealist, which tickles me. Where did he get that from? He’s the one who’d send us notes in the middle of the night telling us he loves us, he’s the one who longs for romance. He’s the one who’d ponder on the stillness of the night, and the messages that the lonely winds of the nights carry for him. He’s the one who questioned us on the need to search and marry our soul-mates.

That question stumped me for a while – because I had never looked at marriage that way. I never questioned myself whether N was my soul-mate before I decided to marry him. The idea of a soul-mate hadn’t even crossed my mind at that point in time. But, yes – having watched one too many Hollywood movies – sure, the notion of having someone who you could pour your heart and soul out to, having someone who reads you like a book, to have someone truly and deeply understand you, sometimes send some melancholic nudges to little corners in my heart. I am a woman afterall, aren’t all of us ladies in need of at least some of that? Am I missing out on something here?

The answer often comes back the same, I am happy with what I have and more than that – I am thankful for what N has given us, both tangible and intangible. Although I may miss out on some of the romance and the wholesome feeling that a soul-mate may bring, my heart is full with blessings and contentment. Who am I to complain? Driven by objective? Maybe. In need of a soul-mate? Like the ones in movies? Hmmm- definitely yes. When I’m feeling dramatic. Oh, and only if it comes in the form of Bruce Willis, or perhaps Will Smith. Haha.

But that’s just me. Who am I to decide what one should strive for? What satisfies me, may not satisfy someone else. What makes me happy, may not necessarily be someone else’s cup of earl grey tea. Such is life! And what a great big bore life would be if everyone were like me, right? Where would the drama and adventure go? Where would the stuff that makes the Hollywood movies, and err, Mills and Boons, that we love so much disappear to?

So, I suppose, the answer to this, is this – We are all different and as such, everything in relation to the heart is subjective. Therefore, happiness too is subjective and having a soul-mate for happiness is equally subjective. Coming from pragmatic me, I still believe we need to be objective and our numero uno objective should be happiness. However you think happiness should be and whatever shape and form it should come in, should not, be compromised. Ever. We only live once and we should live happy in that one life.

To dearest bro (and sister –if you’re on the look-out too), if a soul-mate is the answer to your happiness, then I say - plan for one, strive for one, FIGHT for one! I love you guys too much to convince you otherwise. Pragmatist or not, you can be sure that I’m with you all the way! Just spare me the drama. Please.

Ps. What I am actually also trying to say (to everyone else) is that, they are both (brother and sister) available. Any potential soul-mates out there??? Lelong! Lelong!

Still here lah!!

2008-01-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

It’s still here!

I was actually surprised to find that my blog still exists and that it’s still intact in this mystical thing called the world-wide-web. One would have thought that after being inexistent for yonks, this blog could have dissolved into little pieces of bytes and bits or whatever the techies call them and just float around cyberspace like little lost souls.

Oh – and my ability to still remember my username and password!! Bravo Anedra – your brain still functions too!

There’s so much to tell, but first things first - Happy New Year everybody! Resolutions? What resolutions? I’m still not done with last year!

Can we do a “rewind” please?

ps. I’ll be back.

6 Weird Things for Marisse

2007-04-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

One look at Marisse you will know that she's one to be taken seriously. Just one look at her big round eyes you know, this is a girl who will take the world by storm. This is a girl who already is a force of nature and one that will break many a heart in her days to come. One who you don't fool around with. No, not Marisse. Therefore, when she tagged me, her old Aunt Anedra, I dare not refuse.

So, Marisse sayang, this is for you - the 6 weird things you ought to know about Aunt Anedra.

1. I talk to myself. You may not have any imaginary friends Marisse, but one day you may have one, or two. You could start with Elmo or Barney and as you grow older it could be some hero in a movie, like Harry Potter and as you grow older, the list gets longer. I have a few. Who are they? Depending on the flavour of the month, or what's showing at the movies, or whoever I dreamt of the night before, or who my latest crush is ie. Dr Derek Shepherd of Grey's Anatomy. You get what I mean? So, I talk to them (or really myself), saying my thoughts aloud, pretending they hear me and actually have an opinion on what I'm saying, you know bits and pieces on what my day was like, yada-yada lalalala and so forth. Yup, Lala that's the Land I may end up in if this goes on. The day I really and finally go CUCKOOO. Then you'll find me really weird!

2. Scratching - That has to be my favourite pass time. I scratch. Mosquito bites. Scabs. And not only my own, other people's too. Oh, pimple popping too- it's so fulfilling.

3. My body is a yoyo. Marisse, you haven't met me yet but once you do meet me over a few occassions, you'll realise that my body is like a yoyo unlike your mommy's (which is has been so slim eversince!!!) One day Aunty Anedra will turn up as fluffy as a cream puff, and the next a bit thinner and the next, back to a cream puff. It's got nothing to do with my eating or my lack of exercise N.O.P.E. My body just has a mind of it's own. I think it's called hormones. Well, at least I find that a believable excuse to give people!

4. Men, Bald Ones - Ehem. Marisse, you may not have discovered men yet. Your Pappy, Uncles and Granddads don't count, ya hear. One day, you will discover that men will make your heart skip many beats and you shall feel bees buzzing in your tummy and you will feel all nice and gooey inside. Yes, you will feel this one day and you will find that only certain kinds of men will make you feel that. For Aunty Anedra, bald ones do. People think this is weird, I find it absolutely YUM!! Just like the ones in the pics below.

Get what I mean?

5. Men, Old Ones - Ehem. How do I explain this. They're like wine? Oh, oh, oh!! Better if they're old AND bald. They make you giddy in a delicious way. Weird?? Naaah, trust me! *winks*

6. I bite bums - I have a bum fetish. No, no, you cheeky girl, not bums on bald and/or old men. Ewwwwhhh. Baby bums only. And yours shan't be spared! Watch out!

So that's 6.

Had enough of Aunt Anedra already?

Where We've Been

2007-03-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

It’s strange yet truly wonderful what your children do to you, they make you weak and break your heart in a million different ways and yet they make you strong; stronger than you ever thought you could be. It was my child that had me set on makng this journey alone, at first. N didn’t have the time and with much persuasion from my parents and him, I gathered the strength to go on this journey alone. Such are the wonders of God that my Nasri too, managed to pull some strings in his daddy’s heart to make him join me an offer I couldn’t refuse with a silent thank you sent to the One up above. He heard my prayers Alhamdulillah, as I truly wanted N to be with me so that I had his support on whatever that needed to be done after this journey.

So - N and I have been in the US for the past two weeks. We called it a holiday with a purpose. The main aim was to find help for our son Nasri and to see what more we could do to make life better for him as it seemed to us that there is so much more we could do. Of course, having made a trip all the way, we had to slot in some “holidaying” in between. It was really hard though for me to leave the boys as I had never left them for more than 5 days and the thought of them not being within 2 hours of reach from me for a whole 16 days was unnerving.

We arrived at the Option Institute in Masachussetts late Sunday evening on the 25th of February. It was already dark US time but I could see that the grounds were beautiful and the surrounding area serene and a pristine white covered with snow. My heart was thumping thousands of beats per second. It seemed like I’ve waited for this moment all my life, and then – there I was! We were there for this progamme called SonRise, a programme designed the help mainly autistic people of all different ages and we attended the start-up programme which was mainly to train parents or even professionals on how to help the development of autistic children/people or children with any other form of developmental delays. You may have heard of it; as a documentary on it was aired on Astro sometime November last year.

The moment I stepped my first step into the lecture hall, my eyes welled up and I just cried and cried. It was overwhelming. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was because every single stranger (and there were 66 of them) understood me better than any other person did back home and that we shared the same hopes and dreams. Maybe it was the anticipation of it all and the months of planning just to make sure it could happen and the feeling of relief that I was finally there. Maybe it was just a big slap on my face that God answers all our prayers and there was HOPE; something I wanted to see but never dared to really “hope” for. . Maybe it was the humbling realization that my little Nasri could make us travel all the way in search of some answers for him. I still can’t figure it out, but it was overwhelming enough for me to bawl my eyes out – but, oh, I wasn’t the only one! Phew!

The week sped by too fast. There was so much to learn, yet so little time. We had full intensive sessions on techniques, methods and Q & A and experience sharing sessions that there was hardly time to breath. One entry would not be enough to tell you how much we learnt and what we gained. I had stepped into the Institute telling myself that I had nothing to lose, and I stepped out knowing that it was well worth every penny spent. Learning from all other parents was a big plus point in itself. Sure, some of the things were things that I already knew, but nothing beats actually being trained in person and having a little memory jog on things I already learnt in the past. The techniques were refreshing and somewhat different from what little I had encountered before but it made a lot of sense and we came out more confident as parents.

Most importantly was the self-realization of it all. That there’s more of me than I ever dared to see and knew I had; knowing that I am my child’s best resource and only by being that I earn get to be called “Mama” and that there’s even more of Nasri than I ever dreamt I could get.

So- that’s where we’ve been. As for Nasri and us, I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do know that I’m better off than where I was only two weeks back. And, just knowing that tells me we’re set to go a long way, insyaallah!

Test

2007-01-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

Test!! !!!!

Pooback

2007-01-22T21:21:00.000-08:00

Nasri was at the dressing table last night playing with the bottles of perfumes. As usual he made a mess, and so I came in, hands on my hips mocking a glare on my face.

When he saw me he knew he was in trouble. So he stood there, eyes wide and looked at me. He then said "POOBACK"; and immediately started placing the bottles back in place on the dresser.

Yup, he knew what I was going to say - "PUT IT BACK" - which, in his version is - "POOBACK".

Another first for him, and in this case two words!!

Tak jadi nak marah. *smiles*

Habis

2007-01-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

It was the end of his weekly session with his speech therapist. He was smiling and slipping on his shoes having had a great time at the session.

Then, it happened.

He looked at me and then at Carmen, the therapist, and said; "Haaabis"; telling us that the session was over. Without being prompted, without us having to signal. A nice, clear "Habis" followed by a huge smile on his face.

Surely, not many will understand how great this is for us. That my son, nearing the age of 5 could actually say one simple no brainer word on his own. But for us, who went through years of therapy and so many physical and emotional hurdles - this is HUGE!

He made me so proud today, that nothing shall spoil my mood - not even the long evening planned for hard negotiations with my Clients and that I just had to update this blog to share it with the world!!

There is hope afterall. My little one has so much to teach me and I guess he's telling me to keep marching on, keep giving love without limits and have faith in him. Who knows what the future will bring, yes?

Double Celebration Weekend

2006-11-06T06:49:00.000-08:00

We planned a little belated birthday party for Nasar last weekend. Well, it was supposed to be small but ended up quite big with over 40 children and 40 adults filling up our place! And my! What havoc can these 40 kids cause! By the end of the day, I was already smsing KakTeh asking her "What was I thinking of when I decided to do this??!!" But despite all that, it was fun, fun, fun! And the smiles on my boys' faces were all I needed to make me forget my aching feet and back!

A double celebration, because the weekend ended with us witnessing the first graduation in this little family of mine. Nasar has finally graduated from tadika! YAAAY! Weren't we a proud lot! Of course as usual, the whole family was there..from mom, dad, adik, atok, maktok, aunty Deana and uncle Azril. It wasn't something any of us would miss!

Also something I went through feeling a tinge of sadness.

Sighhh..my baby has grown.

I'll let the pictures tell you the rest.

Hari Raya Sakan

2006-11-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

The announcement of where we’d be celebrating Raya at, is like waiting for the Pengumuman Hari Raya by the Pemegang Mohor Besar DiRaja on national TV. N as you might have gathered from reading Anedra, is ever so non-committal. He would never say where we’d be hari-raya-ing at until the very last minute. (Observation: Announcements are always made after the real Pemegang Mohor Besar makes his announcements or before takbir hari raya – whichever is later.) Which leaves me holding my breath the two days before Raya - praying hard that it’ll be with my parents. Not because I don’t like my in-laws (this is in relation to his siblings, fate has it that I don’t have parents-in-law anyways), but I'm sure you’ll agree with me, that nothing beats celebrating Raya with your own mom and dad and being able to kiss them first thing on Raya morning. It feels like magic, and the happiness can’t be described. Especially when I see the joy on their faces when they have their grandsons around them.

In the first year of our marriage, we had a little tiff on where we should raya at. I insisted on being with my parents; as I argued, he didn’t have any. N was adamant though that he spend raya with his family in Muar. I should have taken cue from my parents who signed a “pre-nup” that raya will be celebrated on a “take-turn” basis. One year dad’s side, the next - mom’s side. Oh well, too late. He’s the boss afterall, so I had to follow, although everytime I went, it was with a heavy heart. *Sometimes must wallow in self-pity. Syok jugak. Pagi raya minta maaf lah kan? Haha.* However, over the years, I have learnt to deal with it, and it was kinda fun to celebrate raya in other people's way, different from what I was used to. Raya is raya afterall, time to be merry and happy with the ones you love.

The years have also shown me that our in-house Pemegang Mohor Besar DiRaja is really considerate, as for the past three rayas, he has three times in a row “announced” that raya will be in Bangi! Woohoo! I must be a good wife to deserve this aye? (Correction. I must be a damn good wife to deserve this.) Although actually I know it’s mom’s kambing curry that she makes specially for him that brings him to her dining table every Raya morning. And it's partly because most of his family has relocated to the Klang Valley. But, the good wife part is pretty convincing too, no?

This year, the "announcement" was made in his true last minute fashion for whatever reason that we'd be in Bangi again. So raya was with the family, and needless to say, I am a happy camper. The boys, for once kept their Baju Melayus on from morning till evening as I managed to get them made in nice cool cotton. We managed to take civil and presentable Raya photos without having to chase after the boys who never seem to be able to stay put for more than 5 seconds. And although raya this time was without the rest of mama’s siblings who were with Tok in Alor Setar (this year is dad’s turn), Raya was well meriah, as Bangi, as lame an excuse it is for a kampung (according to my eldest, as none of his friends celebrate raya in Bangi, but in Taiping, Melaka, Kelantan instead), has grown in the number of grandmas and grandpas it has produced. All the friends that I grew up with are now with family and their parents homes, as is mine, are now our children’s “kampungs” ” minus the wooden houses on stilts and chickens in lawns. So we had Nek Jah and Atok G come over with their grandchildren and the other friends of mom and dad over. Our little Kampung Bangi family.

Our tummies were on overload mode by mid-day and the visits to my inlaws in the evening only made it worse, not that I made any attempt to stop shoving the raya delights down my throat. Yes, I have yet again, the problem of trying to lose the weight I lost during Ramadhan. What's newlah kan? The trip on the day after to my kampung in Kuala Pilah didn't help reducing my wasted waistline either, of course. But it did put smiles on my boys' faces. A real kampung at last, and in true budak bandar masuk kampung style, they happily spent the day in the hot scorching sun chasing the chickens all over the place.

I thought this raya was bliss and couldn't get any better, when my Pemegang Mohor-Mohor Besar DiRaja announced at the last minute that we’d be traveling to Bali on Raya the third! Now isn't he a bag of surprises?

Bali? Well, that is another story.

All I can say for now is that I’m beginning to love his last minute “announcements”! And yeah..*pat on my back* I must be a damn good wife to deserve this! Oh, and a mighty perasan one too!

p.s Selamat Belated Hari Raya everybody! Maaf Zahir dan Batin daripada Anedra dan keluarga.

Locked Up and Damned Frazzled

2006-08-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wonder why I do the thing I do.

It’s been almost a week now. My team and I, under management instruction have been asked to lock ourselves up in a place away from office to work on a project with a ridiculous deadline.

Most would have jumped at the opportunity to be at a resort out of town, with a golf course sprawling outside our window, a kidney shaped pool inviting us to take a plunge even if it’s just for 10 minutes. And jump we did at the offer and the prospect of it all – initially. A break from the drab old office.

So, we’ve been here since Monday. Frantically working towards our Friday deadline. Going into our little meeting room at eight a.m and coming out only at 2-3a.m the next day, slotting in a few hours of sleep in between. Haven’t even stepped a toe into the swimming pool, let alone have a nice quiet soak in the tub in the room. I haven’t seen the world outside eversince we stepped in and have no idea what’s happened to the rest of the world. Errrr..Siti dah mengandung belum?

Management has been great though. They made sure that we'd get stuffed silly here with coffee breaks planned for us every other hour with trays of pastries and what not wheeled into our little work-room and unlimited access to whatever we want to eat. Not good, not good, especially for someone who’s supposed to be on a drop-dead-serious diet like moi. Tapi sebab dah stress kan, sumbat aje lah. Balik nanti baru piker pasal buns yang dah kembang ni.

Lantak.

On the bright side, N has been nice enough to get a room for the boys so that the mommy doesn’t feel so guilty to leave her boys hangin' dry at home during the school holiday season. So, I get my little hugs and kisses from the kids whenever the pass by to go to the pool (which is like ALL THE TIME!)accompanied by their MakTok and Atok who as always, are always there to give me their support (love ya!) and occassionally a few members of our clan yang tumpang semangkok nak berendam kat dalam pool. The last time I saw them they looked so tanned I could hardly recognize them!! And at least I get to give them their “good-night” kisses before I sleep and see them first thing in the morning before I start the day. So – GOD Bless My Lovely Bald (Sexy) N.

It is now Friday, and we should already be out of here, but clients being clients decided to give us a wee little extension at the eleventh hour and I’m not happy. Extensions come with extra demands from the bosses, and just when we were beginning to wrap up and go YAAAAHOOOOOO and see the light of the weekend, it now seems very dark again. It’s hard to keep the team’s momentum going when we’re just so drained; and when I am this close to losing whatever sanity I have left in me. Everynight I as i doze off to blissful Lala Land I scold myself silly for doing what I do. But Alhamdulillah, the guys I work with are fantastic, so my job is made easier. So, looks like, our lock up here is extended for another couple of days and may God strike lightening on those who plan to give us another extension (jahatnya aku), cos I so don’t want the comforts of this hotel anymore, I so just want to throw my laptop down a cliff somewhere and sleep in my little comfy no- star bed at home sweet home.

Like I said, I wonder why I do the thing I do. It just get’s worse. Not only am I on a longer lock-up and extra frazzled..looking at myself in the mirror today, it it is an undeniable fact, that I am a few kilos FATTER!

Aaaaaaaarrrrggghhh!

Paip Air Mata

2006-08-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've turned into a wuss - big time.

Hari ini dalam sejarah - It was the day I was to confirm Abang's entry into Standard One. A form filling event which should have been without drama, but saw me wetting the "Borang Tanda Nama" (Name Tag Form) at the school office with my tears.. Tried to hide em..but it was, apparently obvious, that the school clerk asked me, if I was ok and even handed me a Kleenex.

So, now he is registered in Kelas Satu Wawasan and shall soon be wearing a tie to school and a name tag proudly bearing his name. My baby who is already giddy with excitement asking me how much he needs to get a nasi lemak at the school canteen, "cos big guys who go to big schools don't bring chicken nuggets to school in the school bags, mama."

Waaaaaargggghhh..is it so wrong that I still want him in diapers, curling on my lap every night to sleep telling me that he loves me "one hundred million thousand fifty dollars (banyak eh?)-in the whole wide world-dot com dot my (i dont know where he got that from)-forever and ever", and never grows up??

I tell ya, I am a wuss.

Nazrah, look who's the paip air mata now?

Tak Puas!

2006-07-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

Update?

It would only be stating the obvious when I say that I have got to be the most lembab blogger in Blogland. Sebulan tak update pun tak sedar-sedar lagi!

Aaaaaaanyways..

I’d love to tell you about my whirlwind meet with Nazrah and Ely in Singapore last Saturday, but it’s already up in their blogs with pictures at Makcik Hope’s..so you might as well trot over to theirs and read all about it as anything I say here will just sound like cerita basi! But, lemme just squeeze in a little teeny weeny bit from my side. MEMANG TAK PUAS JUMPA. 15 minutes. What do you expect?

How it happened? I actually had to trick N to cross borders over to Singapore that morning. We were in JB on family matters and were trying to decide whether to head home or ... go to Singapore. It wasn’t the Great Singapore Sale this time that lured me over but the fact that Ely was there and if I could see Nazrah as well, it would be bliss.

But how to do it? Of course, my ammo were the boys. I had Nasar go over to his Dad with a sad story of how he’s never been to the Singapore Zoo and that he’s never seen white tigers and that they actually had white tigers at the Singapore Zoo etc..etc..Practiced the script with him and upah a toy as well and off he went. Maka cayaq lah hati bapanya dan sempatlah omaknya menyelit nak pergi minum kopi sama kawan-kawannya topped up with a pretty please and a series of batting of eyelashes. Woohoooo! It worked! My son did me proud and I must’ve been a good wifey *winks* to deserve this “victory”!.

Off we went. Of course to the Singapore Zoo first (plan mesti jaga) and omigosh!! I so can’t compare it with our Zoo Negara and felt so sad for the animals that live just next door to me. They definitely are an underfed lot and surely the WWF or the government have got to do something about it!! Singapore Zoo is not just a display of animals, it is an experience in itself..Something that, you just have to go see for yourself to know what I am talking about.

After a few smses from the causeway at about noon that went un-replied, I almost gave up hope of meeting the twins, when suddenly somewhere near the elephants just before the white tiger, Nazrah returned my call and we instantly confirmed our coffee date. Fate had it that Ely was with her at that very moment and so the plan was ON. Tapi, problem. They had plans, so I only had till 6pm too see them and it was already 4.15pm and we still hadn’t seen the white tigers!! Rush..rush..rush, passed by the white tigers for a few ooohs and aaaahs and moments later I was in Takashimaya, Orchard Road after having convinced N that he was better off at some Sim Lim Plaza checking out gadgets and whatnots. After all, time was of essence and I really did not want him there while I caught up with the girls!

We agreed with Coffee Bean but trust Makcik Hope with directions!! Hehe.. Nemind Aunty, nasib baik ada salesgirl yang baik hati and gave me instant no brainer directions. There we were, me with my entourage of kids and bibiks in a very crowded Coffee Bean scanning the crowd for two gals whom I knew I’d recognize without any problem. I found Ely, looking more gorgeous than I knew a pregnant mommy could be. Memang sah, she is having a girl! I whooped and rushed her way to be hugged in a way that instantly confirmed that she’s the lifelong buddy I've never met and then came Nazrah with two mugs of coffee in a tray and I gave her the hug that I wanted to give her during our midnight chats while we whined and sometimes cried over everything under the sky..

They looked absolutely radiant, fresh and beautiful after their day-long session at a saloon. I felt so overly conscious of how I smelt after my little zoo excursion. Sweaty sticky skin, oily hair, no make-up on. But nevertheless..that’s the real *horrors* me. So, lantaklah. I felt sorry too for dragging them all the way, especially with Ely being pregnant and all. But, Takashimaya was the only place I knew in Singapore and so terpaksa lah.

We had 15 minutes. Too short to chat on anything significant and only enough to ogle over how pretty they both looked and how I could not believe that I was finally meeting Ely the South Beach Queen for the very first time and how Nazrah looked so slim and delicious! No wonder Che Abang drove all the way to BSP eh? And, I have to affirm for the sake of readers who know them, that, they definitely are kindred spirits or rather, the “non-biological twins” that they claim to be. How weird is that, for two gals whom have never met and yet be so strongly bonded by err..something I can’t explain?

To sum it all? Memang tak puas. If I could, I would have jumped on the MRT to send them to wherever they had to go, just to have more time. But with the boys and all, it would have been suicidal and we would never find our way back. It was well worth the chaotic 15 minutes though and the scheming and planning to get N to agree to this short Singapore thing. Thanks gals for making it happen! Muaaaahhhhs!

So much for not blogging about this aye?

Ever-Expanding Mommy

2006-06-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of the year when suddenly things don’t fit and the time when once again when I am getting dressed for work, everything I wear “makes me look fat”. Well, that’s what I made myself to believe. Until one day I just stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself from top to toe and *shock-horror*, it hit me that it’s not that I look fat, I am very well FAT. Thunder thighs, ever-expanding derriere and an eternally 3-month pregnant tummy rolled up in every 5 foot 1 inch of me!

I should have taken the cues that my Nasar has been giving me off late ie. "Mommy, you are cantik but you b*nt*t is sooo big!”. Which I promptly replied with “Big is beautiful you know, you silly boy!”. Those playful pinches I get from N on my spares, I suddenly realized, weren’t playful lovey pinches, but perhaps subtle hints from him that I have prospered horizontally and that I very well can’t use the “there’s just more for you to love, my dear” line on him anymore. Too much of anything is almost always never good, kan? To top that off, I’d even join in my sons’ laughter of amusement as they watch my derriere merrily jiggling away as I walk past them. I’d even entertain them with a little jig dance as a bonus finale, which always makes them roll on the floor with laughter. Yeah, mommy is Bozo the Clown, part-time, ain’t she?

But this cannot persist. I can't be entertaining the boys with my bum-jig for long can I? It’s not that I want to be rake thin or have a supermodel body to strut around KL with. But I hate to feel lethargic and unenergetic especially when I have two robust active boys to run around the house with; plus I do hope to live long. So it’s time to live healthily. It’s the time of year when I say to myself (again) that I should have listened to Ely; that it just takes some discipline and perseverance to be able to live through a diet and looking at how that radiant mommy is doing, even in her pregnant state, she is looking absolutely every inch a bomb!

So, I have decided to get myself into an exercise regime, if you could call it that and have been forcing my muscles to work after subuh every day instead of dashing back into the warmth of the comforter like I normally do. As far as food goes, I have put myself on a diet of some kind; which includes lots of steamed or grilled fish and truckloads of vegetables. And I mean truckloads, fit for a herd of cows!

Being the Melayu that I am, going without my rice, asam pedas, and masak lomak is absolutely torturous but what has to be done, has to be done. Needless to say, I am Ms Grumpy and Hungry these days. I can tolerate the exercise but I do miss my food! Nevertheless, I shall persevere and I shall munch those greens religiously until my sons say my b*nt*t is beautiful too!

So, here’s to Healthy Living Everyone!

Mooo!

*I wonder whether there are any G.I Janes left; or am I the only one left behind in this camp?

Tough Love 101

2006-06-15T01:24:00.000-07:00

I remember our first seaside trip with Nasri almost 2 years ago. For the sensory sensitive boy he was at that time, a trip that should have involved lots of fun; playing in the sand and chasing of waves turned out pretty much horrible for him. He didn’t like the feel of the rough sand under his feet and the waves to him, were just scary. It didn’t help (me) that N was persistent in his moves to make Nasri more susceptible to the feeling of the sand grains on his feet and body that he smothered sand all over him and made the little guy stand in the waves bawling his eyes out and screaming all the while. N wouldn’t let me console Nasri and it pained me to see him suffer so. I eventually gave in, not because I agreed with N (I thought there were better ways of dealing with the situation) but because I knew I could not argue with him, and even if I did, I wouldn’t win. So I walked away from the beach, backing away from my son who was crying out to me wanting me to carry him away and to give him his cuddles and tucked myself in a corner at the resort behind some palm trees bawling my eyes out, furious with N.

It has always been so between N and I when it comes to parenting. I have always been the one they come to for hugs, kisses and cuddles and bedtime stories. I prefer to be firm yet calm and loving (if that’s possible) although there are times when the dragon in me emerges and a few hangers or belts nearest to me come handy if the boys get out of hand. N on the other hand is our disciplinarian and the kids will kiss him when “ordered” to. Hehe..kesian N. Our in-house Sergeant Hassan, if I may call him that. He is the typical no nonsense dad, strict and firm and what he says goes. Fullstop.

It gets a bit more difficult when we are dealing wih Nasri and coping with his “issues”. Being the one mostly responsible for Nasri’s therapy and also the one who surfs the net day in day out searching for new ways to improve his daily programmes, we are on two different ends of the planet on our opinions on how to handle him. N likes to rough it out, nevermind if the boy screams murder, nevermind if the house turns upside down. Sergeant Hassan kan? Kadang-kadang macam Hitler pun ada jugak (hehe..)! I on the other hand, so called more knowledgable on the methods couldn’t bear to see my son being “tormented” in that manner. Initially, we had our little squabbles on this but in the end, I learned to shut out his cries for help but to do this, I always had to walk out. I couldn’t watch it and I knew I couldn’t reason with N on this. It wasn’t as though N was hurting the boy, no, he wouldn’t do that as he loves his son as much as I do. But he had his own ways of “treating” Nasri’s issues.

Over time, although I began to get used to N’s methods, I harbored a kind of anger at him for doing it. It wasn’t until recently when N and I attended a session with Nasri’s therapists that we discussed these issues.. N wasn’t all wrong and neither was I. In fact, at one point they even told me, “It’s his son too” and that if I couldn’t watch, then I should just leave N with his son and let him do whatever. It’s apparently good that we have this balance in our family and we should make the most out of this; not only for when with Nasri but also with his abang.

It has produced results though, Nasri has progressed in so many different ways. He no longer is uncomfortable with sand and he no longer is that sensory sensitive child he was those days. In fact, he loves playing in sand these days (it also helped that his therapists recommended that we cover his body with “kanji” every other day and let him play in it) and although we haven’t been to the beach off-late, I don’t think he’d have any problems loving the waves anymore. Come to think of it, maybe we should pack our beachwear and get to the beach this weekend to celebrate our little boy!

No one told me that parenting would be hard and I’m not talking about mother and child parenting; more of the mother vs father parenting issues. But I guess that’s what this life is about, for us to evolve and to live and learn. Perhaps one day N will learn to be a bit like me, and as for this mommy, it looks like I have to take a “Tough-Love 101” course. How lah to have a third one like this?

I'll Be Having A Lovely Weekend

2006-05-26T02:58:00.000-07:00

*TomorrowLand. Disneyland Hong Kong. Wesak Weekend 2006

with the two who make me such a happy mommy!

Have A Good Weekend Everybody!

And So She's Found Herself A Man..

2006-05-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

News that my little sister has finally found herself a boyfriend has hit the airwaves. And naturally, being the big sistah that I am, I find myself being all worried over her and fussing about thinking if HE is treating her right, wondering whether they see each other a lot or too much or whether they hold hands (heeppppppp!!! Doncha touch my lil sis you hear!!) etc..etc, you know lah how it works.

I haven’t really met him. “Haven’t met him” meaning, I haven’t had the chance to interview him and get a background search done. Maybe I’ll do a body search as well. Who knows what these young men carry on them these days, kan? If possible, I want the Secret Service to go spy on him and them once in a while you know. Like how Pak Tam did on Dad when he was dating Mom. That’s just waaaaay cool. Perhaps, we should get the SWAT team as back up too. And if they ever get less than an arm’s length’s distance between each other, then Secret Service shall just have to barge in and disrupt any action happening..M16s..barettas, silencer,grenades and all. The Ministry of Defence and Ministry of Home Affairs shall be alerted and this big sistah shall get news that "everything’s taken care of Maam. Target is in safe hands. Mission accomplished. Over and out." Just so I can sleep well.

I did meet him once. As I said, it wasn’t really a meet. The thing is, it was at night and at our family barbecue. BUT, to be fair, from where I was sitting, he looked quite good actually that even the aunts were nodding with approval. So he scores - sort of. But this sistah won’t be fooled.. With the dim lights, smoke and all..who could tell whether he had street fight scars on his face, or looked like Kalimuthu? Lagipun, the aunties who smiled with approval were agak tua..You know what I mean? Lain kali datang siang, bagi tengok muka betul-betul! Lepas tu, apasal pakai cap malam-malam?? But I gotta give him some points lah, for trying...when he said to me that my lamb chops were the best he’d ever had. In this whole wide world. Haiya brader..I know all your tricks lah, TRY harder!

She told me yesterday that they went out for a movie recently. Movie?? Is that allowed?? Surely she needs to be chaperoned for that right? Surely she should inform me BEFORE she goes for the movie and not after the fact. Was it a horror action movie? Or was it just Chicken Little like (which would be ok lah)? Did he sit next to her? Did he try “The Move”? You know, where they pretend to yawn or stretch and stretch out their arms which suddenly, conveniently land on her shoulders? Did he take her to a kind of movie that she’d HAVE to cuddle up to him for protection from the evil spirits?

Deana, do you know movies are just a ploy for them to get physically close to you?? Adik, did you know all this?? Did you know that the cinemas are the place where all evil begins?? Did you?!

This is just so uncool. I hate feeling this way. I so want to be a cool understanding everything-ok sister. After all, I have been there and done that, as Deana would most readily remind me. Yes..yes..adik. But that was a long time ago, and it was different. The 90s were a totally different era, and the boys were..errr..safer? (haha!) Yeah right. Even I know it’s probably pretty much the same; this dating game we play.

But listen. Behind all the ISA-like interrogation, I understand. And I want you to experience this and have a good time. After all, love, at your age, is fun.. Keep an open mind. This relationship may last; it may not. (But if it looks like it will go far, make sure, he cleans and cooks!) Either ways, just make it a relationship that you will never look back at with regret. Above all, know your limits and STUDIES FIRST sweetheart. You know this big sistah is just looking out for you. I just don’t want to see you as an adult. You look better in diapers anyway. But, for your sake, oklah, I’ll admit this.. HE is rather cute and has great manners. Just tell him to lose the cap, ok?

And to the boy..Take care of that lil sis of mine. This is one sistah you don’t wanna mess around with.

Remember. YOU BREAK HER HEART, I’LL BREAK YOUR NECK.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

2006-05-10T03:38:00.000-07:00

I remember once upon a time when dating my boyfriendssss..haha..there were only two before N (macamlah ramai sangat eh?); we were all lovey dovey and rather expressive with our feelings. Saying “I love you” at the end of every phone call, or even out of the blue for no reason at all was a norm. It felt very natural in fact. And it felt really good.

When N came along, we almost never said this. We probably said it to each other once or twice; but nevertheless we knew the feeling was there. I’d like to think that it was written all over our faces that we didn’t have to say it. I’d like to think there were invisible neon signs on our heads blinking the words I LOVE YOU and that we could see it all the time. Well, looking back, there was no need for those neon lights blinking out the words..love was all around us and so that was cool. At the time.

My N is THE lelaki melayu terakhir; or so I believe. While most my exes were my age, N, is much my senior which probably explains his difficulty in being expressive although I have seen older men who do it like it’s only natural to do so! And being the Melayu Terakhir that he is, I can sense that verbal intimacy is alien to him and uncomfortable. With N, if I were to say something mushy to his face you could see him squirm in his seat trying to find something appropriate to reply. Most of the time, correction; ALL the time, he’d reply with a joke; which is anti-climax to the max. Oh, and let's not even talk about public displays of affection, no can do. Control macho, this N of mine. Hang Tuah never did it, so neither will he.

As for me, all these years of getting jokes in return have made me stop telling him that I love him and ladida without me even realizing it. Today, when at lunch someone asked me, what was the most romantic thing I’ve said to N lately, I didn’t have an answer. In fact, I couldn’t even remember when I said anything extra nice to him in fact or told him that i love him; and I can’t even remember when was the last time he said anything lovey-dovey to me. It feels like centuries! Have we really only been married for 6 years?

So, the hopeless romantic in me has decided that this is absolutely unacceptable and I will remind myself to tell him I love him today. Nevermind the stupid jokes I get as replies..and nevermind the red face and squirms he will have in his seat. Come to think of it, I love seeing him squirm in his seat!

But; I also need to think of ways to get him to say something in return . Jokes, do not count! It can get rather boring and dry when you don’t get the right replies don’t you think? What will it take to get a Lelaki Melayu Terakhir to say something nice to his wife? Does anyone know?? A friend told me that G-Strings would do the trick.

In fact, she says, G-strings always do the trick!

Alamak. Ya ke?

ps. Happy Mommies day to all the mothers out there. And to my mommy Puan Zaiton Othman, I LOVE YOU. You're the best sambal udang maker in the whole wide world! What more could a girl ask for??

The Week that Was

2006-04-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

It’s been a long, long time and I was beginning to get used to the idea of not being hooked up to the net although the computer at home was all the time seeming to be luring me to switch it on. But I didn’t succumb, except for that lovely night of chatting with Ely and KakTeh’s R. And so far, it's been great. Although i have to admit, I did think of you. A lot.

I took a week off work after the bid I was working on was submitted. We flew to Miri for the submission and were ahead of schedule (wooohoooo!); which was great. Great; because that meant I had time to book myself an hour’s session of pampering at the spa of the hotel we were staying in. I had myself a Balinese facial and bliss it was indeed! I had no idea that everything they used was organic and that I could practically eat everything that was smothered on my face, from the yogurt to the lemon-honey-lime thing and of course the cucumbers. Have you ever stopped to smell at cucumbers before? Heavenly; they are (especially when it's smothered ice-cool on your face). Heavenly. Just like how heavenly the grass smells right after rain or just as heavenly as grass smells right after it’s cut. Yes, as heavenly as that.

Anyway.

The week was spent running around getting things done; like finally registering Nasar into a school. Yes, he’ll be in Standard One next year, and guess who is feeling old, old and old? As for Nasri, we spent a lot of manja time together. Him, his big bro and the mama. I realized that my boys laugh a lot and that Nasri’s laugh is exceptionally contagious. We caught movies, painted pictures, made a scrap book of leaves (don’t ask me what leaves, cos I can’t name em); caught tadpoles in our pond and took drives around the neighbourhood when it wasn’t raining. Which was awesome. Even more awesome than the Balinese facial with the everythingonyourface-you-can-eat menu. Fun.

N decided to also take the week off with me so that we could have a “wholesome” family time together. Actually, he never said so but I’d like to think so. Hehe. BUT, what I found out was, that he could really drive me nuts. And by the end of the week, I was praying really hard that he’d just go back to work so that he’d get off my case and not have to follow me everywhere. Goodness! Now I know what mom felt when dad finally retired. (But we know she loves him fiercely no matter how muich he bugs her!) We women do treasure what little’s left of our freedom! It takes some getting used to, I guess. But for now, I like the idea of him being at the office 5 days a week, and only have him during the weekends! Especially when I’m on leave!

The week was good until the Friday when Boss called for meetings over the weekend. Plus the in-laws came over unannounced (don’t you just love to have in-laws?) which disrupted my girls night out on Friday. SO from Friday night onwards, it was all downhill for me. Good things don’t last forever I suppose.

So that’s that. I am quite well rested despite the unplanned events over the weekend and albeit being a wee bit disgruntled over it! (It’s Monday morning, I am allowed to sulk.) I’ve still not tuned myself to get into blogging mode yet. Plus, there is still tons to do! I have that story to write, which I’ve hardly started (Ceti! Sorry!) and I have this pile of stuff on my desk that needs to be looked into and I'm so not looking forward to it.

Have a good Monday everybody.

I need another holiday please!

About A Story I Need to Write

2006-04-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I was asked by a friend to write about the experiences that I have been through with my Nasri. The story will be included in a book of compilation of stories from parents with children with special needs. I agreed to do it a long time ago, and I still want to do it today since it’s for a good cause. But the truth is, it is hard. In fact, everytime I write about him it is hard. It’s hard to write without going overboard with the feelings and emotions I have, knowing that perhaps half of the people who read it would probably not appreciate what I feel and worse, feeling exposed and confronting the fact that this "strong woman" image that I portray in the "outside" world..is really not all that true.

That said, I want to write about Nasri. Perhaps, writing is my only way of venting everything that I feel out to the world, and let it be heard, because I have to let it out or else I’d burst someday. I also think that there's a message in all this and that by writing this, I could perhaps somehow educate a few people in the process and make them aware that this is how it goes and this is as real as it gets. Which is why I have written about it in my blog a couple of times; and I hope I've managed to provide some enlightening to those who have come by. In the faceless world of the internet, it’s made easier. I don’t know half of the people who visit, so I really don’t care if they judge me for being a bad mom, or for even thinking my son is "not so right in the head" (unfortunately some people think like that) and I can be whatever I want to be and feel whatever I want to feel. And those I do know personally, as always, have been so, so kind.

Back to this story.

So what do I write? Do I write about the days when I feel like the world is against us? About the days I feel like hiding from everything including Nasri? About the days when I pray to God to take whatever it is that he is going through and pass it to me instead? About the days when I just go home; turn on the shower and soak myself silly until I feel human again? About the days when I fear his school will call and tell me that they don't want him there anymore? About the days when I say to God punish me but please take away his pain? Or about the days when I ask myself - Is it a punishment? Or is it a test?

I don’t know.

Then there are the beautiful things I have to share. Like the first time he pulled my hand and said “Jom, Mama!” Which were the most beautiful words I have ever heard. And no one would know how beautiful or meaningful it is for a mother to hear her four year old son say that, for the first time. Beautiful isn’t it? Or like the time he looked straight into my eyes, returned a smile when I smiled at him and how when I make funny faces at him he’d laugh and laugh endlessly like I was the funniest person in the world. Or the first day he picked up a pencil without retaliation and wrote almost effortlessly his A.B.Cs making sure he traced the dots correctly..and that beautiful look of satisfaction on his face when he finished? Or how he now wants to go everywhere hand in hand with his big brother like they are best friends?

Or, how he now runs with excitement to therapy knowing that the one hour there will be an hour of play and fun, and no longer an hour of torment? Or how blessed I have been that I have received support throughout and have ever so kind teachers from his school helping me out; even to the point of going to therapy with him so that they can learn more?Or the day when he pulled me for a hug and said “sssshhhhh” and pat my head, while I was sobbing my eyes out? Those are the times when I tell myself we’ll be ok and finally feel like the sun is shining on our side of the world. Beautiful times.

So here I am thinking of what to write. It’s still not easy. It’s not like writing about a school dinner which takes 10 minutes to write and hardly any editing involved and most importantly, not much feelings involved. You know what I mean?

I’d like to write about all the beautiful moments and how I love him more than anything and put a lot of hype into his “good” progress and what he can do well etc..etc.. But; that’s just half the story. The other half, can be pretty ugly. Do I want to share that in my story? Can I do it, in fact?

I don’t know.

(and the deadline is Sunday!! Eeeks!)

The Dinner

2006-04-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

The dinner was great.

The food served was Malay but I don’t remember much about it or even what was on the menu because we were too busy yacking about how good the food was at school. Believe it or not, STF, unlike other boarding schools (or so I,ve heard) did serve really good food; so much so that almost everyday, as soon as the bell rang at 1.30pm at lunch time, you’d see the girls racing to the dining hall. Literally, scores of girls ran, like their life counted on it; to the dining halls! The skirts of our kurungs lifted above the knees so that we could run fast and get first place in the lunch queue. You betcha, I was one of em..And am proud to say that, we were always earliest!

I was exceptionally excited to meet Noni whom I haven’t seen, in like yonks. I was also actually wondering how she looked like cos my memory has proven to be very poor and I couldn’t really remember her face. Anyway, a few steps into the ballroom, I saw this lady in a white nyonya kebaya and no doubt it was her!! YAAYYYY! So the lowdown is this. Noni remembers me as the budak yang kuat nangis. (Loooong story, but true. I cried in Form one. For 2 weeks. And then stopped. And never cried since! Heheh!) Well, yup. That was me. Guilty as charged. But my memory is also quite selective you see; I could not for the life of me remember Noni counselling me!! Thanks for refreshing my memory Noni. I know now, that you not only were you someone I feared; but you are also someone I owe a lot to! Mucho mucho gracias! Love ya.

I also realized last night that it is possible to not know that you’ve missed someone a lot until you see them right in front of you. Jaja couldn’t make it due to last minute changes in her work schedule. So I called a senior whom I was recently in touch with and asked her whether she would like to come and she agreed. After 15 years of not seeing her, you bet, my nerves were acting up. But as I spotted her in the ballroom, I couldn’t stop myself from running towards her and giving her the best hug I had in me. It was great to see her. And although I hadn’t given any thought to it over the past 15 years, I realized last night that I really did miss her. A lot. Kak Nik, I remember the days when you let me sleep on your lap all the way from JB to Penang for our PPM debates in that uncomfortable, un-airconditioned school bus and never complained. You were always so good to us. And although my brain is half functioning most of the time..I do remember that we had a great time! THANK YOU.

Me and the adik-adiks. Didn't realise that I am THAT short!!

Then there were all those whose faces I could remember but not their names! Especially the juniors who came to say hello. Sharini, Yan and Ryzah and Emma (but I remembered Ryzah and Emma!)..and the rest of the gals from your groups; you know who you are. Oh man! Sorry! I just couldn’t cough up the names! Some have grown so (which should be expected lah kan?) but I wish they didn’t! haha! Cos they should always be my little sisters forever and ever. Oh well.

And if you think the old gals from an all girls boarding school are all prim and proper; well, think again! For most of the night, throughout the speeches and whatnots, we were behaving like “ladies” for a while, but the moment Anuar Zain took stage; almost all of us forgot the significance of the wedding bands we were wearing on our fingers and were screaming our lungs out at him and practically fighting with each other to grab his arm, leg or whatever! It was hilarious! Especially when seeing the “older” super duper seniors acting up like that. But I gotta give it to Anuar Zain lah. He is a real hottie; he knows exactly how to work the crowd and I do remember (with guilt) at some point during the performance that ..I WANTED HIM!!! Gulp. But that was last night lah. Now, back in the normalcy of real life… I know I can’t have him. WHy oh why??

Best buddies. Linda and I.

Well, as for me, most people said I look exactly the same. Should I be happy?? It freaked me out actually! When I look back at the photos of myself at school, I was always this scruffy, sometimes sweaty school girl. Far from being a well bred, elegant, groomed lady. And after all these years, they say I STILL LOOK THE SAME! Noooooo!!!!!

Anyways, despite that, last night, this Srikandi went home feeling deeply satisfied by a most gratifying night of reuniting with old-old fast and firm friends, taking many, many walks down sweet memory lane and also finally rediscovering a major part of where she came from. I felt seventeen once again; and after forgetting how it feels like to be seventeen for the longest time, it was the most refreshing and exhilarating feeling ever and I'm still feeling seventeen today!! I’m glad I went ; and guess what? I’m already thinking of what to wear next year! *winks*

Ps. AE84 – Where were you?
Yan, Sharini, Ryzah if you read this. Email me!
Linda (and hubby) thanks for being there and for being so beyooootiful!

PPS: ..and God bless InaLim; another junior of mine. I forgot to mention her which was really bad of me cos she worked hard at making this event a success together with the rest of the committee. The spirit never dies eh Ina?

Saturday Nite Out - Tun Fatimah Style

2006-03-28T21:50:00.000-08:00

So, it looks like I will be attending the STF old gals fund raising dinner this Saturday night after all. The Clients whose tender I am working on has decided to give us some space to breathe by giving us a two-week extension and I finally found myself without a good excuse not to go. Plus, as I mentioned before, it’s time this Srikandi awake from her slumber and contribute to the school by gracing the event with her presence. Aye?

Actually, I am a bit nervous; you know meeting old friends or old seniors (who may just think they can still stick three fingers down my throat while getting me to sing DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO). What if I don’t know what to say? You know how flat-toned and bored I can look without even intending to be so! It just gives people the wrong ideas! No, to those old-gals reading this, please know that I am interested in what you say..it’s just that I just look like this! My apologies in advance sweethearts! Plus, there are issues of what to wear and more importantly, what to wear to make me look slim plus how to put up my hair and what shoes will go with what etc..etc..And people, tell me, how do you lose like 10 kilos in 3 days???

I invited N, but he decided to not go with me. He didn’t want to deal with Old Gal crap I suppose. Which I totally understand. I mean, no man I know so far is willing to endure an all girl school reunion without falling asleep in between or on the other extreme being scared out of his skin with the shrieks and screams that we will be displaying in delight or at shock and/or horror at meeting old friends. Without a gun stuck at his head, of course! So, I am actually grateful that he actually understood that my invite to him was just a matter of formality, and that I didn’t really want him to attend cos if he did, I wouldn't be able to be the "Old Gal" me eh?? *naughty winks* Heh! Which is why when he said, “No.” I just smiled wide, and said a quick “OK!” No follow-up or persuasion of any form shall be pursued in any way.

I am glad though that I will be there with my best pals from the old dorm; Linda and Jaja. Just with them there; I am guaranteed an awesome time. And at least Jaja and Linda shall even out the flat-toned-ness aura around me. They’re such wonderfully high-pitched shrieky pals. I love them to tiny little bits! Nevermind the shock and horror of meeting whoever-whoever, if there are any I should be shocked with lah. I am almost certain that I shall be “pleasantly” shocked. The Srikandis never fail to delight me most of the time, anyway.

So, we will be at the Sunway Lagoon Resort Hotel this Saturday night, in full traditional galore. As nervous as I am, I’m actually quite quite excited over the prospect of this. I just know this will be fun. Well, it’d better be! In the meantime, there’s lots to do. I mean shrinking your legs, bums and tums has got to be a full time job eh? And in three days at that? Wish me luck!

A Guide for A Pontianak

2006-03-24T20:44:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, as work has been on murderous overload mode, I have been sighted around the office looking more like Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam than a human; with hair out of place all the time. Rule: If it’s let loose and uncombed it’s considered an okay day, if it’s all scrunched up held by a clip and strands escaping everywhere, then you know it’s a bad day.

Make-up? Forget it. After the first application in the morning, and endless meetings thereafter which just ooze out the last drip of sanity you have left in your body; what’s the point of applying it again after lunch when all you want to do is pull your hair off your scalp and avoid looking at the mirror anywhere in fear of actually wanting to strangle the person staring back at you from the mirror to the heavens or hells above? Nope, forget the make-up. It’s just too much work and it goes with the mood I have been in all week. Nope I haven't been feeling pretty lately. No sirree!

And let’s not even go to what I wear to work. I might as well be in coveralls. I just wake up in the mornings, pull whatever that’s nearest, easiest and most convenient to wear and head off to work, not even checking whether I’m all colour coordinated, or not. Tough. It’s just one of those weeks you know. And you’re just waiting for the lightning to strike you, and for whatever may to come. Whatever. You know?

Yesterday, after spending an hour in a hot steamy shower, and thinking of how I have not felt like a woman off-late which was probably triggered by a comment I got from a boss along the lines of “Anedra; you ok? You look out of sorts”. He might as well have said, “You’ve been looking like a pontianak all week.” Heh.

Well anyways, after the shower and plonking myself in bed; I grabbed a book which has been on my night stand for months, waiting to be read. It tickled me tremendously.

This is what it said (in an extremely summarised version)

How to be Groomed:

1. Pedicure feet once a month (Anedra: err…like who even looks at mah feet?)

2. Must manicure. The book says “There is no point in angling for a diamond ring if you don’t have nice, groomed, kissable hands (Anedra says: No wonder he hasn’t bought me a diamond ring. So, must manicure. But does it work when you have to tumbuk sambal belacan everynight for dinner?)

3. If you use nail polish, there’s an entire definition of colours and stuff ie. Red=dangerous, vampiry, sexy siren, Nude/Cream=High maintenance, French Manicures=Control Freaks most the time Americans (Anedra: err, not French?) and glitters=ONLY if u’r fifteen (Anedra: shucks!)

4. Understand your sihouette. Concepts to remember “A body is like a cello. Your job is to work out how to play it” it goes further to quote Sophia Loren “A woman’s dress should be like a barbed wire fence; serving it’s purpose without obstructing it’s view” (Anedra: I gotta throw out them coveralls!) and most importantly, KNOW YOURSELF “Understand what you are left with when the lights go off” (Anedra: Eeeeks!)

5. White jeans, Horizontal stripes, flannel tracksuits, Blue Lipstick, Wellington Boots – BIG NO NO!

6. Brazilian wax, facials, lip hair removal twice a month if not monthly

7. Avoid getting your knickers in a twist (Anedra: Ladies, this is important! It ain’t beautiful to see ya know!)

And this one was written just for the Pontianak me

8. How to deal with bad hair days? GET A HAT!

I have finally found my guide that shall bring out the finer woman in me. For those of you who want to know more, go get “How to Walk in High Heels” by Camilla Morton at bookstores near you. It looks like this book will permanently be on my nightstand for days when I need a quick-fix and urgent guidance. Sir A.G thanks for so thoughtfully purchasing this for me. You knew, that more than anyone else you know, that this niece of yours would need it the most!

The book is fun. A long list of interesting (and to me tickling) do’s and don’ts ranging from "How to Choose High Heels" to "How to be Miss Green-Fingers Royale" or something like that, which for the life of me; 80% of which I’d never be able to do like “How to Make Curtains?” Errr..nope, don’t think I want to make any! But at least I know that I need some work done on me to make me feel like a woman to keep the Pontainak at bay; especially at times of dire stress like I have been through these past few weeks!

As for now, let me just go sort out this Pontianak thing first. I’m gonna go get me a HAT!

Birthday Angel

2006-03-15T17:01:00.000-08:00

Always at night as I put you to sleep

And nestle my nose in your sweet soft hair

Watching your eyes slowly droop into a close

And your face a picture perfect sereneness

My heart swells with joy and

I thank God for sending me you

My little angel

And at night as you toss and turn

Arms reached out to hug me close

And once more my nose shall rest in your hair

Breathing in your heavenly scent

It envelopes me in a strange calm happiness

And I thank God for sending me you

My little angel

And the days when your sweet smile

Greets me as you flutter your sleepy eyes open

To welcome me in the morning

For yet another day together

You make me feel like a Queen

And I thank God for sending me you

My little Angel

And for the days we discover new things together

Cry over our little pains together

Laugh over little silly things we do together

Rejoice over the precious words that you utter

You make me feel like a million dollars

Yet again, I thank God for sending me you

My little angel

And for the nights when I hold you tight

Your cheeks moist with my silent tears

For I wish I could make life better

For you who makes my life so fulfilled

But I am just a mother with so many flaws

And I can only thank God for sending me you

My little precious Angel

Four years ago I couldn’t imagine life with you

Four years on, I can’t imagine life without you

Every inch of you in my eyes is perfect

I couldn’t dream of anything more

So everyday I whisper a little thank you

To God for sending me you

My sweet little precious Angel

Happy Birthday Nasri!

GAMARJOBAT

2006-03-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

If you have time to spare and need a good laugh, go watch GAMARJOBAT a "shut-up comedy" (mime) duo Japanese act at the Actor's Studio Bangsar. Never thought mimes could be so hilariously entertaining. They will be there up to March 19th. Tickets from RM67 to RM92 with current offer on a "buy one free one" basis for now. Brilliant, spectacular performance. Kids will love it too, although some "parental guidance" would be required! You won't regret it. In fact, I'd go again!

I laughed so hard, I almost peed in my pants! :)

Test

2006-03-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

test!

Serikandi Tun Fatimah

2006-02-28T17:26:00.000-08:00

It’s funny how when you call someone you’ve not met in 10 years and they instantaneously know that it’s you. That’s what happened today; when I finally got round to calling a long lost senior from school (thanks to Noni who made this "jejak kasih" possible). I just said hello, and she immediately recognized my voice.

What does that tell you? That I don’t sound like a mak budak.

Ehem.

On a more serious note, it is lovely to hook up with long lost friends. Especially those from the days of Tun Fatimah. I have to admit my guilt of not being so actively involved in school reunions etc..etc.. It’s just that I find these meets, sometimes, to be rather pretentious. People are more interested in the car that you drive, the position you hold, rather than the person you are today and how the years away from school has changed you or not. And for these reasons mainly I stay out of these meets. I can’t hold a fake smile on my face for too long. It’s too energy consuming. I prefer to hook up in smaller groups and engage in true heart to hearts which I find more fulfilling.

That said, school was fun, with a capital F. I mean, imagine living with friends for 5 whole years? Sharing rooms with 10 to 15 other shrieky, pimple popping teenage girls? Sharing tears and laughter together..some, even shared underwear on bad days! Then there were the “school” stuff that really made us the proud STFians we are. The brass band that toured all over the country winning competitions, the hockey team that was the reigning champions for I don’t know how many hundred years (actually it was 15 years or something like that), the inter school debates and the Piala Perdana Menteri yearly where every boarding school would meet to vie for the trophies and where in cases of all girl (or boy) schools like us; some of us would have a taste of our first cinta monyet with the guys from the Malay College or the Royal Military College etc.. Now that I think of it, it’s hard to stop myself from gagging! I mean, what were we thinking then?

Then close to heart still, are the girls I met there, those I learned to love for the lovely people they are with fantastic personalities to match and those who I know are my friends for life. Practically sisters, in fact. No matter how long we have not met, no matter how different we are now and most importantly, no matter how much weight we have gained, we’re still great friends. Those are the friends who saw you grow from a scrawny little comot 12 year old to a budding woman of seventeen. Those are the friends you ate with, slept with, shared stories, hopes and dreams with. And those are the friends who’d recognize your voice instantly, through a random unplanned phone call, even though it’s been years since you last spoke.

I suppose my absence from all these meets will make some think I have forgotten school and the five glorious years that we were there. Don’t get me wrong. There’s still a Serikandi (oh that’s what we call ourselves, for glamour, oomph and to sound like kick-*ss women) burning somewhere deep within me. She’s probably been in a comfortable slumber all these years and needs a little wake up call. This year seems appropriate indeed as the school celebrates it’s 50th anniversary. Maybe I will make that trip back to school this June and see whether I can remember how it feels to be 17 again and reaffirm to myself that much of the Serikandi spirit still burns within me. Afterall, it 's got a lot to do with the person I am today.

P/s Is it scary or is it scary? As I bloghop, I tend to find myself landed in the blogs of ex-STFians hiding behind some name or another. How interesting it would be if I could find out whether I actually know all these girls just as how I connected with Noni through this blog. Who would have thought that she was the long lost senior who stuck three fingers down our throats during choir practise so that we’d sing better, mouths opened as wide as the Batu Caves. Or so they say. I think they just found it a cheap sadistic thrill doing that to juniors. Sheeesh. (Noni, you know I sayang you and I still takut kat you as I say this.) So, just for the heck of it; those of you Serikandi’s out there..raise your hand PLEASE??

Scaredy Cat

2006-02-23T09:10:00.000-08:00

If there’s anything good about having a husband apart from having a companion and lifetime supply of ehemehems, it’s probably the sense of security having a man beside you gives. Well, for me, it's definitely that. I know I’m beginning to sound like a whimp of a damsel in distress or a really sayur of a woman who can’t live without her man beside her, but it’s true. Feeling safe is actually priceless. Not the emotional kind of security, but similar to the kind of security that security guards give you. You know, the feeling that no matter what evil attacks, you're in safe hands and that all you need to do is stand-back, relax and watch as he fights off all the bad guys? And that you can safely snooze off into a deep comfy slumber knowing that you're protected? You know what I mean.. Yes?

When N is away on his work trips, like he is tonight, I get overly insecure and the feeling is unbearably overwhelming. Suddenly, I feel this huge burden on my shoulders that the safety of the whole household rests on my shoulders. It's such a big job that it's scary and I’m telling you, it ain’t funny. I’ve got to make sure that everyone especially my boys and the property is safe..from the bad guys. It isn’t midnight yet, but I have already walked out to check whether the gate is closed TWICE. I have gone down the same number of times to check that each door and window has been shut and bolted tight. At nights like these, I lament, why oh why, did we decide to go all “American” and not have grills installed on our windows! Nevermind the alarm system wired around the whole house, tonight I wants grills installed please! And at nights like this I long for the comfort of having security guards like those at the apartment we used to live in. No worries about bad guys breaking in with parangs, machetes and what have you. Oh, and let’s not start on the orang minyak and gang, please!

Tonight, just like all other nights when N is away, the maids and the two boys ALL camp in the bedroom with me. Thank God, the boys think it’s fun (and so I don’t lose face as the scared lil mommy!)..something like a little pajama party with the bibiks. The handy old golfstick rests discreetly by my bedside ready for me to use in case of attacks. The house will look like it’s on Deepavalee mode, with all the lights on. Garden lights, fence lights, all the lights downstairs, all the lights upstairs and even the TVs too.; everything is switched on. Well, almost.

Funny, I never feel this way when he is here. It’s not like he sleeps with guns around his waist nor does he even remember that he even owns a golf stick. He doesn’t even practice martial art of any kind. Plus, he hardly does rounds around the house to check the doors and windows when he’s at home. I do it. But at least I only make one round if he is here not twice like I just did and normally do when he’s away. What makes this worse is that I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. With TV blasting away and all the lights on, how can I sleep? Give me my N and his snores any day, I won’t mind as long as I don’t have to be Head of Security of the house!

Wail! Wail! Wail!..5 more hours before 6 a.m when the bad guys go home and I can go off duty and get at most 1 hour of sleep before I head off to work. Looks like I’ll be completing all the crosswords on Women’s Weekly for the rest for the night. As for now, I gotta go check the doors and the windows AGAIN.

Goodnight y’all!

Welcome to the Family

2006-02-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

A while back, our Mak Lang passed away after suffering from the Big C. It was heart wrenching for us to watch her day by day deteriorating and slowly losing grip of life. All the while the family was with her, at the hospital holding her hand, rubbing her legs to make her feel better, reading the Quran to soothe her and when we were not there, she was always in our prayers. She still is.

Never once leaving her side was Pak Lang. Coaxing her and fighting the battle with her with soft words of encouragement and appearing strong and optimistic for her as though everything would be ok although the doctors had told us, that it was just a matter of time. Whenever I visited her, I could not help but shed tears. Not only because I was sad for Mak Lang who had to bear the pain, but for Pak Lang too, who left everything, just to be by her side. There wasn’t anything that he would not do for her. He read to her, he held her hand, he took in all the anger that Mak Lang let out due to the frustration that the pain brought. Never once did he complain, never once did he say anything hurtful to her back but instead he just smiled at her and stroked her thinning hair lovingly.

The day came when she left us. Pak Lang was left alone, suddenly without what it seemed like, any direction in life. His wife who had been his sole purpose in life was gone and it seemed like he did not know what to do with himself anymore. He was no longer the Pak Lang we knew. His smile was always paired with tired, sad eyes and he never joked as he used too. He walked with a subtle slouch as though he carried the world’s hugest burden not having Mak Lang with him and he was like that for a long, long time.

Last week, after a few months of not seeing him, I met Pak Lang at my home for dinner As he stepped into the doorway, I was pleasantly surprised. Gone were the lonely sad eyes, gone was the slouch he carried and he bore the huge, warm, cheeky smile that we remember so fondly of. He was back! As I hugged him and welcomed him into my home, I saw a small figure hovering behind him. He turned towards her an introduced me to her. “Anedra, this is your new Mak Lang.”

I had heard of the news. In fact Mak Lang’s (the old Mak Lang) family had been very much a part of pairing the two together. I was in shock as I wasn’t prepared to meet her. Being the naturally over loyal person that I am, I couldn’t imagine him being with another woman. Not that it was anything I had a say in. It was something I sort of ignored for a while. So, ss I faced her and put my hands out to salam, I just said, “Hello Aunty”. I think Pak Lang expected me to address her as "Mak Lang", but I just couldn't get myself to. It was too abrupt. I hadn't rehearsed it yet. I wasn't ready. But it was strange though, I couldn't stop stealing stares at her. She looked a lot like Mak Lang, only that she's a slightly younger version.

Throughout dinner I felt like breaking into tears. Seeing the new Aunt brought back memories of old Mak Lang and made me miss her so. I wish she were still alive for me to hug and kiss and stroke her hands like we did during her last final days. And memories of her having late night coffee with us on our terrace seemed so fresh in my mind, it hurt. But then I saw how happy Pak Lang was and how gentle, mature and caring the new Aunt was with him. I knew he would be in good hands. And although she looked almost like Mak Lang, she was very different from her, in a nice way. I was happy for him. Perhaps this is one of God’s ways of rewarding Pak Lang for all that he did for Mak Lang before. He deserves this happiness.

She won me by the end of the night. Looking at Pak Lang so happy and back to his normal self was worth having to accept this new lady into the family. Anyway, I’m sure Mak Lang would have wanted this too. It’s not as though she is replacing Mak Lang, she’s just a new addition to the family, just like a new cousin or something like that. Our Mak Lang will always be there, in our prayers and in our thoughts and always very much a part of the family.

They shall be married soon. I still don’t know when I can call this new Aunty “Mak Lang”. Perhaps I never will. But that’s not really important is it? I have always believed that we only get one chance at life and we ought to be happy. So if this is what it takes for Pak Lang, I’m all for it. So to the new Aunt, come ere. Lemme give you a big welcome hug!

Six Years!

2006-01-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

Quite frankly, the day I said “yes” to N (or rather his friend who proposed on his behalf) in that mamak shop, I had no clue what I was headed for. I had only known him then for 6 months and there I was; all ready to be his wife. In fact, I didn’t even stop to think for one second for the answer. It just came, as though I always knew I would. The strangest thing about it was that, I had no doubts and I was not afraid. But then again, I was in love with him… But if you think about it, what is love anyway? What would a 24 year old like me then know about love? Is it an infatuation combined with lust and some strange wonderful feeling that makes your heart do leaps and somersaults and flitter flutter in a funny but yummy way? Is that it? And really, does just love keep a marriage going? Whatever it was, I too readily accepted his proposal and I was on my way to being his bride.

N asked me a few days after his proposal, why it was that I wanted to marry him. He isn’t into this “love” shebang. He is really quite boring in that sense. (hehe) He doesn’t buy the idea of love and believes that love alone would not keep us going. I suppose after growing up seeing failed marriages, he was not all that convinced. Of course, I, being Miss Idealistic and a romance freak at that time, was all set against him. He can’t surely be telling me that we’re not marrying for love! If we don’t marry because of love, then why bother at all! No! That’s not how it goes in the movies..and that’s not how it would go for me. No sirree!

N firmly said, that we should marry for the right reasons and went on with a long long ceramah on marriage in Islam etc..etc..and stressed that when we marry, it should be “kerana Allah” and that I should get my niat straight before we get into it all, or else, we should rethink this whole thing all together. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. But there was something in his look that said, I must not argue and moreover, that I should not worry. The more I learnt from him, the more assured I was. There was nothing to worry.

It shall be 6 years this Sunday from the time he shook Dad’s hands and the two half-deaf witnesses pronounced us as sah in marriage and I was officially handed over to N, for what the Mat Salleh’s would say “till death do us part”. Oh, I was such a happy bride that day and could not for the life of me fathom why mom was crying so. Mothers!

It has been a beautiful 6 years, but like any marriage with its share of ups and downs. There have been happy days and there have been crazy days. And after 6 years, I can’t claim myself to be an expert in marriage but all I can say is that it is really hard work and it ain’t no bed of roses! There are days when I wish I could just walk out of the house, fuming mad and wish I could leave him to suffer. Oh yes. There are days when I ask myself time and time again why I ever considered marrying him at all! Oh definitely yes. There are days when I feel like sending my plate flying across the kitchen table to him! (tapi sebenarnya tak berani!) But most days, I know God has been kind and that I am blessed. And I thank the Almighty for giving me such a patient, generous and bald husband for me to spend my days with and for me to share downright flat-toned conversations with; even though he’s not romantic, even though he's like a gangster at times, even though he’s more flat-toned than I am…and even though he farts like nothing else!

No, we’re nowhere near what you’d call a perfect match and there are so many things that we still need to work on. The only thing I know now is that patience, compromise, trust and perhaps some of that love-lust thing takes you a long way; and miraculously, the 6 years have pretty good. In fact they have been lovely and yes, we are happy.

I would like to believe in fairytale endings; but I’ve lived long enough to see that they don’t happen to everyone. I won’t stop praying though that ours will be a journey that will see us to the day we have MPV loads of grandchildren and are all wrinkled and have silver hair. The journey won’t always be smooth I’m sure but nevertheless, it will be something precious for N and I to share; especially now that we have two beautiful boys which have made life for us seem complete. But of course, as N told me 6 years ago, we’ll need a lot of help from the Big Guy up there; and we must always remember why we are here in the first place. His formula has worked so far. I guess, we’ll just continue to live by it!

Happy Anniversary to me and N! Six Years! Six Years! Six Years!!

ps. Happy Anniversary too, to Blabarella and her Mr Daddy. We should do a double celebration some time!

Help Please?

2006-01-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

Question.

When a man tells you he doesn’t want anything for his birthday and tells you that for 6 years in a row, are you supposed to believe it and live by it, or is it just one of those “no=yes” sort of thing and I’m supposed to read in between the lines?

The thing is, N’s birthday is coming up next Sunday, it is also our 6th anniversary (and also Blabarella’s 6th anniversary too!) on the same day. Unlike our other guy friends, N has always told me every year without fail that he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, whenever I ask. Neither does he say “All I want is you”. (Puke! Puke!! Hehehe..Not that I ever want him to. It just won't go well with me lah.)

So really, it’s fine with me if he doesn’t want anything for his birthday. If that's really what he means. But a lot of people say that but don’t really mean it and therefore, the “no=yes” thing and you read in between the lines and go get him something anyway. As for N, I have tested this on him; and he bluntly told me that, the next time I want to buy him something, consult him first. Which was somewhat a blow for me, the first year we got married cos it sort of translated to “I don’t like this thing you bought but thanks anyway and next time ask me first.” What?? Ask him first before I buy him something?? Who changed the rules here? Aren’t you just supposed to say thanks and look happy about it?

Well, ok sir. Your birthday, your rules. So, second year, I got him nothing. Third year nothing too. Right up to the 5th year. And next week, will be the 6th year and I’m wondering…Am I reading him right? It is getting boring you know that I don’t get to surprise him with stuff.

What bugs me is that, I don’t get the point of this “ask me first” concept. Whenever I do ask him, like just today, he says “nothing”. And if I do, he says, consult him first. And when I do consult him, he says "nothing"! It’s just a big round-about we make every 29th of January from one year to the next and it's so like a movie repeated every year that I'm beginning to think that I'm missing something here!

You’d think that after 6 years of marriage, I’d know my man. Well, I'm pretty sure I’ve more or less figured him out but this is one area which I still need expert advise on. Perhaps I need to go look for that "Mars and Venus" book I chucked 3 pages through, somewhere sometime ago. But oh please! I really don't want to do that!

Girls! Help?

Guys? What’s up with you guys eh? And you say we women are complicated! We never say no! To presents that is..

The Birthday of a Princess

2006-01-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

About twenty three years ago, my brother and I were puzzled and worried by the drastic change in mom. She was bedridden and in such a bad state that Dad had to do the cooking and on days when she felt a bit better she’d piggy-back on Dad’s back for a trip downstairs as she could hardly walk! Those too were the days when I started getting acquainted with the rice cooker, the measurement of water and rice so that we could still have rice for lunch and dinner while dad cooked his all special Chinese dishes since mom was too weak to even move a muscle.

Soon we were to understand the reason behind the acute nausea and various sicknesses that mom had. She had a baby in her tummy! And because the baby was giving mom such a bad time, my brother and I were already imagining the horrible things it would do to us! Which left us, brother and sister, quite unsure about the baby, especially as it had just been the two of us for 8 years in a row.

But it’s not like we had a say in things like this. Mom's tummy grew bigger and she soon was almost herself all over again. On January 10th, 1980-something (can’t remember the year, you do the math!) Dad rushed off to send mom to the hospital in the middle of the night. Early the next day, he came back with news that SHE had arrived and that we were to get ready to go to the hospital to meet our new baby sister.

It was a baby girl and we despite all our reservtions about her, we couldn't help but love the tiny pink creature we saw. Bro and I were given the honour of naming her. So we did and named her after Princess Diana who was always in the papers those days. Yes, the late Princess of Wales. And a princess, the pink little thing turned out to be indeed.

D has always been the center of attention and has always seeked for it. When she was three, she was already performing in front of us..shaking her tush about - OH-MY-GOD, daily. She always said "look at me. look at me!", "watch me, watch me do this!" as she twirled around in long flaring skirts that mom made for her, trying out new steps to dance with the song she was singing, holding an imaginary microphone. Her favourite song those days was...what was it? Jejaka Idaman? By Raja Ema? And anything out of the Sound of Music. She was so into the Sound of Music that she had memorised the entire dialogue from the movie, ALL the songs and even the little performance that the Von Trappe children did in the movie; which she forced us to watch her imitate and perform every other day, AND then clap for her! After a while, instead of calling dad, “Daddy” or “abah” like the other normal children in the house, she’d be about the house calling dad, “Father..father!”, just like how the Von Trappe children did in the movie. Thank God that died off after a while!

22 years later, she is still one who likes to be on centerstage. You’d find her performing in Melaka on various theatre shows. You give her a microphone, she’ll never let go, she loves singing. She is always in one performance or the other. At the same time, she claims to be serious in her studies, which, actually she is..and intends to be a super-duper-kick-ass business woman someday..It’s just that, she hasn’t decided actually what exactly she’ll be business-ing in just yet.

But D is serious and amazingly independent although we have pampered her all these years. There are days when I can’t help but marvel at her strength and determination to do what she wants; which can only be possible when one is as stubborn and hard headed as she is.

And yes, 22 years on, she is still the princess of the family. She claims that she is the unlucky one to have missed all that my brother and I had together in the 8 years that she wasn't around. But she doesn’t realize, that really, she is the lucky one, to actually have what we wouldn’t have dreamt of having AND getting away with when we were her age! But we’re the ones at fault, really. We spoil her rotten!

It was just yesterday that she turned 22. Apparently I was late for a really happening birthday song for her by our Pak Aji backed up by a choir of other aunts, uncles, and cousins, including tiny little baby Sofea, who sang it in two versions..One original and the other ala pop-yeh-yeh. It was so loud, I was told, everybody on our little Bukit could have heard it, instead of the takbir Raya! Of course, the little princess was mighty pleased with this; to be the center of attention again. But then, it's her birthday..so it's allowed.

Soon, I will be attending her graduation. My little sister who is still afraid (sampai nangis-nangis) of clowns will soon leave her little cocoon of friends at university and venture into the real world. Not long after, we’ll hear wedding bells ringing for her. Sighs.. But before that, let me tell you Adik, that life has been a lot sweeter and errr…spicier with you around. And although, abang and I don’t say it often and although we nag at you all the time, we actually do love you to bits and have you in our prayers everyday and wish that life will give all things beautiful, just for you.

Happy Birthday Princess D with all the love from my heart!

Ps. By the way, she's single. LELONG! LELONG! hehehehe...

The Year End Mad Rush Holiday

2006-01-07T03:19:00.000-08:00

N has a way of delivering last minute surprises come the final week of each year, or so I’ve noticed. This year, I went through weeks of negotiating and trying to squeeze in a short holiday in his busy schedule, which most of the time was turned down or was given a “to be advised” answer and on bad days, a straighforward "NO". I had given up. Then on the Wednesday before Christmas he rang me at my extension to say “Pack the bags, we are leaving on Saturday night!” to which I shrieked “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!” like a 5 year old screaming in delight on a slide in a playground. Nevermind where we were going and nevermind the short notice, I was happy that at last we were leaving Kuala Lumpur for time-out from the office. And was doubly pleased to find that mom, dad and my sister, D were coming too!

So, the 3 days before departure was a mad rush. I had to pack for the kids, I had to make hotel bookings and in between work and all the arrangements, we managed to mess up one booking which resulted in us having to travel one day earlier, Friday! Phew! Thank God for years of travelling light, I wasn't too worried about the last minute change. The bags were the least of my worries. As long as we had our tickets and passports, we were all set! Our spirits were never once dampened by the change and screw ups. After all, tis the season to be jolly. Isn’t it?

Christmas Eve we found ourselves in the Land of the French Disney and in the company of Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Pluto, Cinderella, Snow White and the lot. The land of Fantasy and adventure, the land of all that's magical. The boys were excited, Disneyland was made just for them, they believed. And although it was so cold (it snowed!) that our teeth were chattering and every single muscle in our bodies were freezing, we had a blast! Mom, dad, kids, grandparents and aunt, we all got carried away!

L-R: Notre Dame, Eiffel, N and I on "time-off" . Yayy!

A few days later, we were touring Paris. What can I say? How do I describe it? "Beuatiful" doesn't describe it. "Breathtaking" is an understatement. Strolling down it's wide, tree-lined avenues, you could almost hear violins in the background playing a tune so pleasing to the senses that you it makes you feel like you're floating by on invisible wings. I could've gotten carried away with this feeling, almost. If not for the cold-cold weather! And although this was my second trip there, the Eiffel Tower still amazed me away every time we passed by. Being there with N this time also made a big difference (the last time I was there, I was still going solo.....). To be with the one you love at what’s said as the most romantic city in the world, made the winter cold almost unfelt. *grin*grin* (Thanks mom and dad and Deana for babysitting the boys and giving us some time-off! :))

Oh, and the pastries! Oooh la la! Mom and I couldn't stop ourselves from stopping by at the window displays of each deli that we passed by to savour the sight and smells of french pastries. Of course, a large amount of pasrties were also consumed in the short period we were there. Highly justifiable to me, I say. What's a holiday without the makan, right?? Too bad I didn't take any photos of the food we ate. I so fail as a blogger!

From KakTeh's files: That's us arriving in Waterloo. You could see her fingers clenched, ready to pinch the boys!

The best is always saved for last. Since we were just a few hours away, we couldn’t resist dropping” by at London, especially since our little "London Connection" is there. We were greeted at London Waterloo after a 3 hour Eurostar train journey by a very happy, excited and smiley KakTeh and her "sayang-mama", Taufiq. (Was it my imagination, or did the boys try and cover their cheeks when they saw you, Mak Teh?) Of course, she was on standby at the arrival hall when we got there, and OF COURSE she had her camera clicking away at us walking into the arrival hall, even before we got the chance to run to her and smother her with kisses and hugs and what nots!

Us gals at Stratford
N spent most of the days there scouring the British museums with my dad and Pak Teh, while us women (that’s my mom, KakTeh, the girlie cousins and I) spent more time at places around the hotel and in the city shops, multi-tasking, ie. catching up and doing the "necessary" things that women do (oh, the sales were crazy!). In between we managed to hire cars to drive to Stratsford (Shakespeare wuz there!), Oxford and the Cotswolds to give N a taste of the English countryside and to show the boys Oxford. (ambitious parents?? naaah, we wanted to buy the t-shirts! haha!).

Dad and Mom in Oxford - nak enrol cucu!

Oh and the makan, was out of this world! You name it, Turkish, Lebanese, Egyptian, Indian food..and oh, I can't begin to tell you how much time I spent I spent in the food halls of Marks and Spencers, Tesco etc for chocolate eclairs, rich and thick chocolate and vanilla milk, fruit smoothies and such! Ood, you asked if I lost weight? Go figure! All this was topped off and ended with nice surprise grand finale when we bumped into the "Choo" man himself, Datuk Jimmy Choo, who so graciously paid for our last scrumptious lunch of mutton korma and kuey teow kerang at Mawar in London! So, it starts with lunch, perhaps another day it will be a pair of shoes, Datuk? Yes? No? :D

L-R: Us having Egyptian food at Abouhamed's, Mom having a go at Lebanese, at "Feiruz", thanks to Rehana!

The London visit was priceless, and all because it was quality time spent with the aunt and uncle (or rather “Toks”, mind you) and cousins almost 24 hours a day while we were there. It’s been a long time since we spent such good quality time with KakTeh and family. When they are back, we have to "share" them with the rest of the clan and what seems like the rest of Malaysia! As for me, it was so amazing to see how my once lil baby cousins have grown into such fine, beautiful and handsome youngsters. Was it really 12 years ago that I was there watching them run around at home and telling them bedtime stories? I would never have been able to recognize them had I bumped into them in the streets of KL or London. Oh, how they’ve grown! And it was great to see how much love KakTeh and Sir AG gave my sons, Nasar and Nasri, and how the boys bonded with their Uncle Hafiz, Aunty Rehana and Nona and little-but-not-so-little-anymore Uncle Taufiq (Taufiq, you're a GEM with a capital G!) even though they hardly ever meet all of them. To the "Tehs" or actually, ehem.. the TokTehs, thank you so much for spending all that time with us. We missed all of you even as we landed on homeground at KLIA.

The ones we miss so! Our happy and kenyang family!

We touched down in KL on the 2nd of January 2006 and all the way on the flight, we couldn’t help but reminisce the good times we had, especially the times with the family in London. When we will ever get to do that again, I don’t know. But what a way to end 2005 and start 2006! Wonderful. Just wonderful.

For You Darlings

2005-12-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

Dearest Darling-est Friends,

As per the norm, it is the time of the year for reflections and new resolutions for a brand new year. I only have all of you to thank for making this year so different with new friendships found and new families gained. I now have a large extended family of makciks, sisters, abangs and uncles some of whom I don’t even know by face but have learnt to love from the kindness and sincerity of words that one can feel from another person’s writing. Some of you have become so close that it’s hard to imagine that we gained acquaintance over computer screens!

Thanks also for all the support and love that I have been receiving from all over the world through this little blog of mine. Only God knows how good it feels that there are people listening on the other end, whoever they are; and only God can return your kindness. I only hope that I have been able to give the same in return.

Looking forward, I won’t even bother with a New Year resolution. I mean, how can one even jam-pack a whole life’s worth of things-to-do in one little list? I’ll just have one word in mine; “LIVE”, and, oh, to pop a brownie in the oven. You know what I'm talking about! (Dear God, please make it a girl!)

So, here’s a little advanced Happy New Year note to you, you AND you with all the love from Anedra and her little family of one husband, 2 boys and a rabbit and now with a big, happy blog family too! We will be away for a while and shall be back after the New Year, and so you probably will not be hearing from me till then. However, do check the Choc-A-Blog blog for potential updates. The Makcik who runs that blog will know what I’m up to. She always does!

Take care and God Bless.

Love,
Anedra

ps. to Agent X of blogpatrol, you know who you are - HOLD THE CODE 4s!

Mama Needs Sleep, Baby

2005-12-13T01:52:00.000-08:00

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Well, perhaps 8.5 winks sometime in between 5.00 to 6.00am waken up in between by Nasri who wanted a drink and some manja from his mommy. It was the anticipation of meeting Nasri’s psychiatrist first thing today that caused the sleepless night. I turned and tossed about, played a game of Sudoku in between, changing positions and even beds at one point. It was probably the lights too, glaring into my face. I left them on cos N is away on work and no way will I sleep in the dark when he’s not around. Not until after 5.30, or around about during azan subuh when I’m sure the bad guys would’ve gone home, calling it a day’s or a night’s work.

Anyway, this morning, feeling like a zombie, we drove out at 7.30am, both boys still droopy eyed in the car all bundled for Nasri's 8.30am appointment. As usual, I found myself rehearsing answers for anticipated questions that the psychiatrist would be asking. Then I caught myself counting the number of words Nasri can say now and comparing it against what he could at the last visit. Things that he does better now compared to 3 months back. Oh, and the list goes on. I wish I could’ve added in the list something like “Oh you know Doc, he cracked me up with a lil joke the other day”, but no, none of that. And I wondered, if he could speak, what jokes would my fine boy be telling me? He'd crack me up, I'm sure. Anyway, by the time I got to the psychiatrist's, I forgot all that was rehearsed all the way along the MRR2. The brain was not awake yet I guess. Oh well.

It was an ok meet. Based on the feedback the psychiatrist received from the therapists Nasri has been meeting weekly, he is progressing very well. I sometimes wonder what exactly they mean when they say that. Is an additional one or two words uttered considered “very good” or is it just “good”? Is compliance or additional attention given during activities considered “excellent”? “Good”? Or what? And what’s “Progressing Very Well” all about?

Nasri is apparently (and I agree) responding well with his therapy; “communicating” or relating well with people in his surroundings but requires still, a lot of sensory stimulation, for his periodic phases of hyperactivity and whatever else. Based on her short observation of him today at the clinic, she agreed that his attention span has increased and that he is more aware of the happenings around him. He responds well to instructions and wants to be involved with games or toys that the Abang plays with. We went on discussing games and activities that I should do at home to encourage spontaneity in Nasri, as an added scope that we need to work on. “We’ll see whether this works by the next visit”, she says.

Yeah, ok. The list gets longer. Whatever it takes maam. Whatever it takes.

Psychiatrist says, we are on the right track but now thinks that we need to get his eyes checked. Not for vision or what we call eyesight check, but more of vision control or movement which would probably call for vision therapy, if the assessment says it is required. “Just to be sure”, she says.

Ok. Another assessment, another therapy to add. You’re the Doc. Whatever it takes, you know. Whatever it takes.

The truth is, as stupid as it sounds, my heart was crushed. I wanted the doctor to say, “Your son is fine. You don’t need to worry about a thing.”. I wanted her to say, “He’ll be talking tomorrow. You mark my words.” I wanted to hear, “Tomorrow you’ll wake up and he’ll be as good as new.” And how I wish she''d say, “He’ll be ok and when the day comes when you are no longer in this world, he will do just fine on his own.”

But, she didn’t say any of that. She just said, “He is progressing very well”.

Whatever.

I just feel so tired and worn out all of a sudden. And I feel so sad for my happy little baby who knows nuts about what he’s going through. Would I have totally lost my marbles if I said I feel like running away from it all, turning back time, reverse all that I perhaps did wrong when I was carrying him, just to be sure that things would turn out fine for him? Just one last try? One last chance?

Alahai, that’s overly dramatic isn’t it? It won't happen anyway. Life's not like that; for us to turn back and run and play reversal stunts..

I tell myself yet again, like an overused mantra which sometimes seems like it's lost it's meaning..

"One day at a time, one bridge at a time. You just march on Anedra"

Oh, whatever!

Boy, this mama sure needs sleep!

Ada Apa Dengan Lelaki Botak?

2005-12-09T03:07:00.000-08:00

When I introduced N to the family for the first time, I had no inkling that he would be the one, eventually. Of course, I had the hots for him, from the first time I laid eyes on him. But no, I could have never guessed that at the point I introduced him to mom and dad, that he’d be the one I’d choose to spend the rest of my life with. Mom knew though, as she told me around 3 years after I had married him, that she knew he’d be the one. Why? I asked. She said, “Because he is bald”

It’s true. Whether I was conscious about this fascination I have for bald men throughout, I’m not sure. But yes, I have always had this thing for bald men, which must have started when I turned 18 or so because before that I was definitely in love with Ralph Macchio, the Karate Kid and no-one else. Friends have called me weird, my family have probably been silently puzzled over it. It’s a mystery, perhaps. But then again, what is there not to like about bald men?

In the past few seasons of the World Cup, I fell in love with Fabian Barthez the goal keeper for France. Nevermind David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane, Emmanuel Petit, Michael Owen, the whole of the Italian team and other hunks alike, it was Fabian Barthez that I had my eyes set on, and thus my undying support for the French! So betcha last dollar that at the wee hours of 4am or so, I’d be up watching my man defend the French goal post and cheering for him just as though he could hear me from the sidelines.

Then there are the movie stars. Ben Kingsley in Ghandi? Don’t ask me why..but he got my adrenaline pumping. And that guy in the King and I, what’s his name? I had a crush on him too. Then after many other movies, I can’t recall them all, which featured equally eye-pleasing hairless heroes and even villains. Then came Armageddon with Bruce Willis sporting an almost clean shaven head (I believe he was already balding anyway at the time) which affirmed my infatuation with bald headed men. I must’ve watched that movie like, what? 10 times? Then the more recent XXX or The Fast and Furious, with sexy Vin Diesel, making a girl like me feeling all goosebumpy and excited so much so that the excitement could’ve blown the roof off!

Oh my list doesn’t stop there. I probably have bald politicians (Maya! Shhhhh!) somewhere in the list, college professors, and god knows what else.

People have asked me since, what is it exactly about bald men and me? I don’t know. Perhaps it’s the clean look. No blow away hair, no grease, no dandruff, they’re always neat and nice to look at. The absence of hair probably brings out the best of their features anyway. You could see all of their eyes without being distracted with “oh, he needs a haircut” or “ewww..check out the oil on his hair”; when they smile, it not only lights up their face, but if possible the whole head! You know what I mean? What also gets to me is how wise they tend to look, perhaps because of the wider display of foreheads unobstructed by hair, and then somehow, the charm this look of wisdom exudes. And have you noticed, that definite rogue-ish, broodish feel about them? A lethal cocktail of charm, wisdom and danger. What else would a girl want in a man eh? Isn't that something to die for?

God is Great for after strings of boyfriends (err..actually only 2. yawn..boring ol me!), all with lots and mops of hair; somewhere in His Grand Design he pushed N into my path, knowing that a bald man like him, I could definitely not resist. So there he was in the cafeteria, some fine day over 6 years back, a rogue-like tanned man with a nice bald head who took my breath away. How could I have not said yes when he popped the question finally? To have my own FabianBarthez-Bruce Willis-Vin Diesel to call my room-mate; house-mate; all for myself?

Maya, over a lengthy discussion on this mystery of me and bald men, sort of solved the issue. She said in her always so wise way, “Anedra, how else do we explain it. It’s all in the hormones.” I’ll just leave it at that. She’s always right anyway. And so when someone else asks me why, I’ll just echo Maya. “Hormones”. But really, look below, what's there not to like about em?

Right?

What The Australian Women's Weekly Did For Me

2005-12-07T02:47:00.000-08:00

*Some discussions happening in Bergen’s comment boxes regarding the Australian Women’s Weekly triggered some memories, from just about a year back.*

The Australian Women's Weekly is not just a typical women's mag like Cosmopolitan or Glamour etc. It's a real magazine with really nice stuff that I'm sure every woman would enjoy reading. You know, features on famous people, features on everyday family life, fashion, shoes, handbags, sex tips, health tips, quick recipes, gourmet recipes, the works. It's a solid magazine. But me, I buy it mainly for the crosswords.

I am a crossword puzzle freak and am always on the hunt for good crossword puzzles to solve. And so I became ardent fan of the Australian Women’s Weekly. The crossword puzzles are out of this world and can keep you going for weeks until the next month’s issue comes out (of course, that’s if you can only work on puzzles late at night when the rest of the household is asleep and on weekends! Otherwise, you’d finish em in a day!)

Anyway, I had bought an issue in October/November 2004 for the sole purpose of getting the crosswords. But that particular issue was to be more significant than just a batch of crosswords, as it became somewhat of a wake-up call that would change a major part of my life.

As I remember, it was a bright Sunday morning and the children were playing downstairs with their father. I was sitting by the open window in the bedroom having some quiet time alone with my Women’s Weekly. After trying out the puzzles, drooling at the featured recipes, then I came across an article featuring families in Australia with autistic children and some FAQs on autism. I had heard of autism before and I've read many articles about it years back. But the articles in that edition sent shivers down my spine. It hit me then that my youngest son had some of the features described, elevating the fear that I had secretly been harbouring in my mind that something was not right with him. But also something I kept pushing to the back of my mind, thinking that it could not happen to ME. I had chickened out. I didn't want to think about. Until that day.

I could say, it was the worst article I could have ever read, as it delivered such horrid news. As a mother, I could not accept the fact that my son could be autistic, but at the same time I had to be sure, so that I could help him. I did not sleep for easily a week after, thinking of what I had to do, and whether I was brave enough to face reality, if it was autism. I didn’t even share my worries with N. I don’t know why.

Finally I mustered up the courage to go and see a professional. The magazine had advised that the earlier a diagnosis is made, the better. So I followed and I am glad I did. Nasri was about 2 years old then when we first met the psychiatrist. In the end, he was not assessed as autistic, but we had a lot of hard work to do especially with his speech. He has since, gone through assessments and is currently going through his various therapies and what nots. He has changed a lot and is making good progress, laughing with us and becoming such a cute lil attention seeker! He still has rounds of assessments to go through though. The next one is just next week! Pray for us!

Being a mother, I have to admit, that again, I am losing sleep over the prospect of having to face another assessment. It’s like going through a performance review and you feel like you’ve performed dreadfully. But I suppose it really does not matter at the end of the day, what the outcome of the assessment is. If he isn’t autistic, then there are still a lot of things we need to work on with him, looking at his speech abilities now. If he is, then I guess, there are just more things we need to work on with him. It won’t be easy but what needs to be done, has to be done. Either ways, he will have all the love in the world given to him. Nothing less as he’s my son no matter what. There is still a whole lifetime ahead. A beautiful one nontheless.

Looking back, I suppose, the article that I said could have been the worst article I could have ever read was actually one of the best, as I don’t know what would have happened, had I not read it in the Australian Women’s Weekly that day. My actions could have been delayed and we could have wasted so much time not doing anything. The article was probably one of God’s one million and one ways of sending a crossword puzzle freak, a message, that she had to do something, fast!

So God Bless the day I became a crossword puzzle freak. God Bless the Australian Women’s Weekly team for coming up with such awesome crossword puzzles monthly that I don’t ever miss buying the magazine, and so that I came to read that article on that November day. And God Bless the day I finally did something for my son.

Ps. Bergen, go get one today!

Whatever

2005-11-30T22:10:00.000-08:00

The dentist could not give me a slot this week for the tooth extraction because the guy who’s supposed to look at the x-rays has not done so. As much as I hate things being delayed, this time, it’s a-ok, cos the tooth is not hurting any more and the whole surgery really isn’t something I’ve been looking forward to. I’ll wait for them to call. If it’s next year, even better!

Anyways, I was approached by a head hunter recently with an offer that was nice enough to make me consider leaving the company I am with right now. I’ve always thought that after eight years of working where I am today, it is about the right time to move before I become part of the building fixtures! But apart from my worry of becoming something of a museum display, I thought that, for a change, it would have been nice to move and work in downtown KL where I could take the LRT instead of drive to work, and be just across the street from where an anakikan works so I could harass her for lunch every other day.

BUT then again, I thought, perhaps not. For pure sentimental reasons. I have been here since I was just a trainee at 18 years old, they sent me abroad to study and have so kindly groomed me to be where I am today (not that its such a great position by the way, but alhamdulillah!). The timing for this offer was also not quite right, it came on the day I was given a wee lil promotion and so to even consider it felt so, so wrong! And there’s just so much pride taken in what has been achieved by the company so far. Then of course, there’s the fact that, I met the love of my life here. Which is really, perhaps, the reason why I don’t want to go.

N and I have worked in the same company, even before I met and laid my eyes on him for the first time and knew that he exists in this world. When we got married, it was like a company affair to the point that the wedding dinner became somewhat more like a company dinner than a wedding! It was a celebration of sorts for the company, as some “matchmaking” efforts had actually succeeded, or so they claim.

Having said that, we are hardly what you’d call an item. Our offices are on the same floor, less than a 3 minute walk away. We attend the same meetings, we go for the same functions. But, you’d never see us having breakfast together in the mornings, we almost never have lunch together unless it’s a lunch meeting and we even go to work in separate cars. It’s weird. Even, our colleagues have labeled us as weird and some have even gossiped that I am probably Wife Numero 2 which is why we come and go separately! Oh well, let them talk aye?

And really when I think of it, I can’t really touch-base on what exactly I like about having him in the same office with me. It’s probably the fact that I can go ask for lunch money when I didn’t bring enough. It’s probably the fact that I can always “tumpang” him home when I’m too lazy to drive. It’s probably the fact that I get so much thrill out of sneaking winks at him across meeting tables and watching him squirm with embarrassment. And hey, when else can a wife watch her husband be instructed around in the office by the bosses (cheap sadistic thrill isn’t it?) OR on the other hand watch how “macho”-like the husband can get when handling the day to day operations of the projects we’re working on (my hero! Sigh…)? Plus, it gives us a lot of common ground…we’re passionate about the same things, he understands the stress I have and leaves me alone to layan my feelings at the right times and vice versa.

It’s comfortable being here with him. A little comfort zone away from home. It’s almost perfect actually (if I were his boss, then it’d be PERRRRFECT! Haha!). And perhaps I am a closet-clinger but I am too "sexy" to admit that! haha!

Then again, the offer is good. And I could take the LRT, so no more traffic jams!! PLUS I could go window-shopping after work. Sigh! Sigh! Sigh! Tempations! Temptations!

I suppose, these are things that money can't buy and becoming an antique in this place can't be that bad. So, I won’t leave.

I won’t.

I won't, right?

I need a brain check.

The Visit to the Dentist

2005-11-25T03:55:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all the kind wishes and support. Not to mention the few horror stories thanks to my storyteller friend Oody and co. It helped, really!

The day I was due to meet the dentist, I woke up with my heart pounding against my chest. It was pounding so hard, you could almost see my body quivering with each pound..Or… was that just me shivering?

Anyway, although I said I was to meet the dentist, I hadn’t actually made any appointments. I thought, “Surely there are an abundance of dentists around the area where I live and surely they’re all free to see me.” Yeah right. The dentistry business I guess is in a boom. N and I spent a good hour that morning calling up almost all the dental clinics in our area for an appointment. ALL of them turned us down flat, and almost all could only fit me in on Saturday! I never knew business was that good. And I suppose, since everybody has teeth and everybody else in this world, except for me and Dr Bubbles, visit dentists every 6 months, business should and must be really good!

After that one hour of rejection, I was almost (gladly) about to give up, when a kind nurse called me back to say that a patient had cancelled an appointment with the doctor at her clinic, so she told me to come at 11.30. I said “ok” but actually inside, I was going “Oh no!” Drats!

I arrived at exactly 11.30 am. It was a really nice clinic. There was no need to guess whether the doctor was female or male. The clinic was very feminine. There were artwork in neat frames on each wall, nice little plotted plants everywhere, nicely wall-papered walls and nice scents of potpourri permeating the room. So, I sunk into one of the plush sofas in the cosy little sitting room waiting for my name to be called, while staring aimlessly at the TV showing some Indonesian drama series with a book that I brought with me on my lap. (which was just for show, really. How could I read then??)

I was just beginning to relax and convince myself that the whole thing was really not a big deal at all, when I heard an intense drilling sound coming out from the consultation room. It brought back not so very happy memories from the past! The drills, the scaling thing, the huge needles. Urrrrgggghhh! I felt sick already. Even my tummy did a few summersaults in agreement!

Then my name was called. I had imagined the doctor to be a big burlesque woman with a surgical mask covering her face, and a stern voice to match and a hard disgusted look as though saying, “you naughty-naughty girl. You haven’t been brushing your teeth well!” Oh no!! But instead, to my surprise, it was a petite, pretty little lady with a smile that could grace any toothpaste advert effortlessly. She said, “My dear, how are you? What is the problem that you need me to fix?”... Sighhh...I felt better instantly. Phew!

The rest is history. The ordeal, was as usual unpleasant. I mean, how could opening your mouth for a stranger to see and poke with dangerous looking stainless steel objects that can drill and make holes in your mouth be pleasant? Regardless of whether she is pretty and has a smile that could kill. Really. She was a good doctor though, very gentle (well, she tried) and very thorough. Definitely one I would recommend.

The wisdom tooth? I still don’t get how it can be wise or make anyone any wiser! Well, it was badly infected (for a tooth that makes you wise) and needed some cleaning up plus two injections. The doctor put me on antibiotics and painkillers which should keep me sane till my scheduled surgery next week. I have however, decided not to worry about it this weekend, where I intend to have major la-la fun minus the yum-yum food! I’ll start the worry frenzy and the p*e in my pants drama beginning Monday.

In the meantime… Have a good weekend folks!

Oral Agony

2005-11-23T03:35:00.000-08:00

If anyone were to ask me about Raya 2005, I’d have only one thing to say…PAINFUL! Sure, there were the good ol first few days where, one gleefully hentams all the food and all, go visiting and catching up with long lost sedara mara etc. Sure, I had all that. Perhaps, I went way overboard on Raya and the makan....cos come last week, I had to pay for it.

First, came the shivers on Wednesday night and by Thursday morning, my thermometer was showing a long line of red mercury. Down with fever, I was! To make things worse, and perhaps as a little message from God to "s.l.o.w d.o.w.n o.n t.h.e f.o.o.d", by evening my mouth was infested with nasty little ulcers from hell. Not one or two, but easily about 20! And by yesterday morning the count was 35 numbers in all. (ulcer count by courtesy of Deana Abd Aziz, my lovely darling sister, who also applied my ulcer ointments for me!).

For someone who really can eat and loves to eat, this was waaaaaaay too big a problem. I even tried braving it out munching rice and ikan bakar with Ummi and Oody who so graciously came to have lunch with me at my home, for Friday lunch. I felt a lot better then with such great company but come Friday night, I was down again with fever, my mouth sore like nothing else..and for the next few days to come, was put on a diet of liquid food as anything else would just invite excrutiating pain! Even to smile was a chore, which in the end I just gave up doing!

People said gargle with Listerine. I did that. It didn’t help. Gargle with salt water. Did that; no change. Bonjela? Hopeless. Apply salt on ulcers..well, that just invited a lot of creative mencarut -ing which is a no-no in ahouse of two toddlers! Doctor gave mouth wash and another oral ointment with antibiotics..No change. Until yesterday, our office GP at our building gave another ointment, which supposedly kicks the *ss out of ulcers., Lo and behold, within a night, they are now almost gone!! God bless that lady!

BUT, BUT, BUT..Now I have this horrible pain at the very back of my upper right gum. My wisdom tooth is out! Oh no! I find it painful to even open my mouth...I can’t even chew a single soft buttery pineapple tart and thus, have to still survive on liquid food! Looks like, the inevitable has come. I need to see a dentist. The problem is, I hate dentists. Errr..let me rephrase that, I HATE dentists! They scare the hell out of me; and it doesn’t help when I hear horror stories of people who had dentists standing on chairs yanking out their wisdom teeth for them, or those who almost bled to death having had their wisdom teeth yanked out! Help!

I am scheduled for my dentist appointment tomorrow and am so scared I could almost p*e in my knickers! Pray that my dental episode will go by painlessly and without drama! Please do pray that my teeth and mouth fully recover from this bout of mishaps of ulcers and teeth which should never be called wise in the first place. Most of all, please pray that I will be able to eat again like a normal person and not have to live on McDonalds chicken porridge as I have been for the past few days. And if I have all that, I promise…I will be good and I will update this blog more frequently than I do now. Aaaamin.

Honeymoon RingRings

2005-11-09T03:08:00.000-08:00

I don’t know why, but suddenly memories of my honeymoon, almost 6 years back keep coming by playing peek-a-boo with me today.

Perhaps it’s because on the way to work today, N and I were discussing on the remote possibility of us going for a whirlwind holiday this end of year. The discussion was a letdown. Mainly because, at the very mention of going for a holiday, N said, “Cannot go. Busy!”. Of course, as I work in the same outfit as N, I understandably understand the predicament he is in. But I understandably do not want to understand him.. Understand?

"Busy", from previous experience means that, although he could probably physically afford not to be present in the office, it would mean that the holiday, if we went, would be disrupted somewhat, by phonecalls every other hour of the day and thus rendering poor N, unable to enjoy what holidays are supposed to be. Rest and relax. Fun and excitement. Stress and headache free. You know, all things nice that will not happen in the office?

Which brings me to the honeymoon.

There we were, two-day-old newlyweds. One very excited N, and one dazed Anedra touched down on the 1st February 2000 at the Cairo International Airport. N, excited that he’d be seeing the pyramids and visiting the National Museum in Cairo soon. Anedra, dazed that she was married, with no clue on how to behave as a wife and wondering whether her newly acquired husband would allow her a ride on a camel in the desert, to live out her childhood dream of becoming an Egyptian Princess!

Of course, after watching enough Hollywood movies to be convinced that a honeymoon would and must be all sugar-coated and dripping with honey-like lovey-dovey-mushiness, my expectation was nothing less. If we could, we'd have walked in the clouds, as well...or rather, I would have. Well, that didn’t really happen for us. It did, during the 10 hour flight, cos we weren’t contactable by phone. But once we touched down..it was ring-ring a few times a day at the most inconvenient hours. Nak pegang tangan je..Rrring! Nak romantic dinner je..Ringring! When about to whisper sweet nothings to him, he was responding not so sweet stuff to the phone on the other ear. Oh, and let’s not even get to the other stuff that honeymooners do on honeymoons, which were interrupted with ringrings!

honeymooning me

Thank God, for the exotic beauty of Cairo and the Nile which served as good distraction from the ringrings for me and for blessing me with patience when it comes to my Ns ringrings. And thank God to Hollywood for sort of setting my mind into a honeymoon mood no matter what. Also, Thank God for N, despite the ringsrings, he never once showed any sign of stress, although he must've been somewhat annoyed by it all!

I never did get my camel ride in the end; it was almost winter, and very cold at times. I would have been crazy to pay, just to freeze my not-so-large-bum-then on a camel! However, the honeymoon as I remember it, was, nevertheless beyoootiful beyond words and for me romantic anyway, with warm fuzzy memories and the sound of distant faint ringrings of the phones attached. And I am pretty sure, as much as we were disturbed by the calls, N had his share of fun, there in Egypt.. only that, it could have been better if headaches from KL didn't have to be shared across the oceans all the way with us in Egypt, I'm sure.

So, I do want to be selfish and persuade N to be a bit wreckless and say "sod it" and go for a holiday anyway. It would do him good. Over time, unlike N, I have been able to shut out and ignore the ringrings when they come (but then again, I'm not paid to answer ringrings, so I can!). The ringrings are anyway, inevitably, a very large part of our everyday life. I suppose, it shall be so, for as long as he does what he does for a living these days. And therefore, I suppose phone ringrings should not deter us from having a life, and from us going for that holiday. Makes sense, doesn't it?

All I am asking for is a getaway, even if it has to be extra short. I know he needs one too, even more than I do, really! Even if it isn't somewhere beautifully breathtaking and exotic with camels or handsome Italian men. Even if it's not romantic (which will not happen with our kids in tow). Even if it's not a second honeymoon like we oh-so want. Even if it's just

Bagan Lalang at Sepang!

And, even if N's phone ringrings all the time. I think we can manage that. Afterall, they invented the "on-off" button for a reason, didn't they?

Constipated

2005-11-06T23:09:00.000-08:00

After a one-week absence from the office, getting my heavy post-Raya bum out of bed was a chore. Especially, when my other half decided to declare today a day of leave for himself and was gleefully snoring away as I hit the showers. Sheeesh..some people have the luxury.

As for coolies like me, post Raya week seems already jam-packed with assignment after assignment. Most of which I do not look forward to, as each (as I scanned through the workload), spelt M.A.J.O.R problems. Most of which are due by the 11th and that’s just this Friday!! Most of which involved scores of issues that have to be addressed and resolved (not by me but I have a wonderful job that requires me to be stuck in the middle) and which potentially could result in moi being screwed by the bosses. Not because I was at fault for all the problems that we have, but more because, I’d be the one within nearest reach to them! Sheeeesh again!

In addition to work stress, yours truly is not all in the best of physical state either. In terms of bowel movement, that is. It seems that the bowel has not moved for days!! Again, proves my belief that the mind and body (mine, that is) are not in synch. My mind says, please Numero Uno, come! But the body buat donno je! Oh the torture and the headaches! I swear I drank all my water. Tonnes of it! I downed glass after glass of prune juice. I ate fruit after fruit. And after consultation with an experienced one with a spastic colon (for she must be an expert!), I tried the qi qong moves she prescribed at 1am last night in my toilet. Imagine doing qi qong waves at such wee hours of the morning. 15 repetitions…bowel still will not move. But there was gas, lots! This morning I swallowed two Nona Roguy extra-strong-killer-phyto-cleanse tablets, which normally makes your face purple and sweaty with pain. Nope, nada, zilch, nothing, no pain so far. I am thinking of getting some petai, jering, buah kerdas or something like that after work..see whether that’ll help! I normally stay away from those..but desperation shall make me give in. After all, stinky business calls for stinky pods, no? I tell ya..once I do get to the loo for business Numero Uno..I shall celebrate and rejoice. All of you, come makan at my place!! Yes!

Ooops. Time to go..But not to the loo unfortunately. Am scheduled for a “merry” meeting with the management. Am so not in the right frame of mind for serious discussions today. I hope the Nona Roguy killer-extra-strong-phyto-cleanser tablets kick in during the meeting. I’d rather be stuck in the loo today, than be in a room with stressed men while managing a constipated bowel, and I guess..a rather constipated post-hari-Raya mind too!

In the meantime, while waiting for The Call from Numero Uno…I’ll just think happy thoughts.

5 Year Joy

2005-10-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

The first time I experienced the pain, I did not know that it was THAT pain and that in a another 12 hours my life would change forever. And since the pains came every half an hour or so in the beginning and was quite mild, I thought nothing of it and went to the grocer’s behind the office to get some daun kesum and fish for N’s assam pedas dinner that night, and some bananas for me.

I finally got home after being stuck for hours in the Jalan Ampang jam and had a bit of rest. Again, the pain came..but made of steel (ahaks) as I am..it was still nothing. Strangely, the heavy load that I had been carrying with me for 9 months now seemed extra heavy that night. My body had changed so much that some people didn’t recognize me with the extra 20kgs that I had gained. I never knew my bum could expand THAT big, and for the upper body, oh my….I could’ve given Dolly PArton a run for her money! Fatigue took over me and I dozed off, only to be awaken by another sharp pain. It was then 9pm and I had not cooked yet. Aisay, forget the assam pedas lah!

It then dawned upon me, that it could be my labour pains although I was only due in another two weeks. I called mom to ask her whether I was experiencing labour pains just to be sure..and she said “Oh my gosh Anedra, I can’t remember how it feels! The last I had pains was 15 years ago!!” (right, thanks mom!) and she redirected me to my Mak Su who more or less had the same answer as mom and who then redirected me to the youngest aunt in our family, Kak Nisa who said, “Just go to the hospital now!”. (Dear God, thank you for all the wise aunties I have in my family..)

N was still in the office at the time and I had to interrupt him in the middle of an important meeting. I whispered, “Come home. It’s TIME”. He said, “Now?” I said “Now”. He said “Sekarang??” I said “YA!!” He then said again “Now?” I said “Nevermind!!!!!!” To which he finally said, “OK! I balik sekarang!” Reverse psychology works on men I guess..Well, at least it works on MY man.

A wise friend of mine once told me, one you get in (the hospital), say these magic words. SO when we FINALLY got to the hospital, I flashed my best smile to the nurse, batted my eyes a bit and said the magic words, “Epidural please?”. So much of strength and steel huh? I’m actually a sucker when it comes to pain! N who had no clue what epidural was dared not question me (and my glare) and just signed the consent forms.

I was then already having 10 minute apart contractions while waiting for the epidural sink..Once it was in my system, I was calm and managed some sleep. Mom and Dad came in a few times marveling at how relaxed I was! The wonders of epidural, I say!

The rest of the jin-bang (no adiejin here) were already gathered at the waiting lounge by 1 am. You see, in our family, so far, it is customary that whenever one gives birth, the whole kampong is around to give support!! So, Mom, Dad, MakSu, PakSu, PakAji, KakNisa and the rest were all there, patiently waiting for the arrival of the new family member in between rounds of the tarik and roti canai at Bangsar. (if I never thanked you..here it is THANKS!!!)

Just before Subuh I was awaken by the nurse who said, “It’s time” and continued on a very animated conversation with N on how N and I could use some method to get twins on our next try, while strapping my legs into position.. N who was then planning on having a family the size of a whole football team was excited already at the prospect of twins at our next try and repeatedly questioning the nurse "betul ke? betul ke?" (See, can never trust that man alone with nurses!)

The doctor came in a few minutes later with her yellow Pua Chu Kang boots, looking so relaxed, and said, “Ok Anedra, when I say push..you push SOOOO hard, like you’ve never pushed before!”.. Chief nurse said “Imagine a really bad case of constipation!” Yeah right….and push I did, while doctor, chief nurse and the other two nurses cheered me on like cheerleaders at a soccer game minus the short skirts and pompoms!

It wasn’t easy pushing when you are numb and can’t feel anything.. what more, with N hovering around trying to peek in between my legs just to be sure it's a baby coming out and a boy. But, after a few huffs and puffs and three pushes, he came out, slimy, a bit smelly, but nontheless the most beautiful thing we'd ever seen. The nurses said almost in unison "Eh, eh, botak..macam papa!!” , while N proudly beamed at his first son. N then kissed me and said, “Senangnya! No pain! Tahun depan we have one more ok?” I dismissed thoughts of punching him since such negative thoughts was already detected by the baby who was wailing his lungs away.

Nasar, a few hours old

Mom who was there too, was already oooh-aaah-ing away exclaiming how “intelligent” and “smart” her first grandchild is. And how he looks so very sharp, yada..yada..yada.. How she knew it was all that, I don’t know.. It was probably just a plain profound blind love for her first newborn grandson. It definitely was love at first sight for her, as it was for us.

One year old Nasar

That was 5 years ago. We named that slimey baby, Syed Nasar, and Nasar turns five today. Always the cute and charming and smart one in the eyes of his parents and gets away with murder with his grandparents. A loving, fine boy whom I can’t ever imagine life without, one, who changed our lives and filled it with so much happiness, with his entrance into this world.

Nasar, today, at 5 years old.

And my oh my, what an achievement for me! 5 years ago, I could never have imagined surviving diaper changes, breastfeeding and what not. And now, after surviving a 5 year old Nasar and his three year old partner in crime, Nasri, I'd do it all over again! (But please God, gimme a girl the next time?)

Just like Nazrah said, “Hidup jugak anak engkau jaga ek?”

Haha..Tell me about it!

Me and my 5 year old baby puffing his cheeks

ps: Happy Birthday too, to the owner of my favourite kedai kopi, Ely!! Ely, on your birthday, I made your Shephards Pie! It looks promising, but donno how it tastes lah, with my cooking skills, you knowlah how! BUT I will eat and celebrate on your behalf tonite!!

Ely's Shephard's Pie. YUMMMMY!

Just a Load of Blahs

2005-10-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

It’s been too long since the last update. I guess I made another trip the the land of Flat-Toners where I have nothing to say and experienced a complete “system shutdown” in so far as my blogging is concerned!

Oh, speaking about being a Flat-Toner, I have to inform, especially to those who know me but have not seen the real Flat-Toner in me, that I spoke to a friend (a blogger) a few weeks back. There I was trying my best to keep the Flat-Toner me at bay, when barely 10 minutes into the conversation she stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Anedra, you ARE a flat-toner!!!” Aiseh…so much for trying aye?? Honestly, I thought I was on top form, meaning not flat-toned, trying to vary my tones and all…and I was beginning to think I was doing it well, but alas, she saw right through me! Nasib baik she’s one blogger that I sayang and all..kalau tak..!!

SO, what have I been up to this week?? A lot. Work wise that is. It’s really funny how work tends to pile up at year end, when things should be slowing down and we should be wrapping up our year’s worth of work. Instead, for the past few days where I claimed to be spaced out in the Land of Flat Toners, I have found myself in one too many negotiation meetings and swamped with preparing what seemed like a never ending pile of proposals. I wish I could tell our clients to give us a break, and also send the same message to our management. After all, the last time I checked, we’re not machines plus Raya is just around the corner!

Oh, oh…and just to share this is what was said in the meetings with our Clients yesterday.

Us : You guys asyik nak potong aja. (In relation to cutting our proposed price for a job)
Client : Of courselah, nak kawin kenalah sunat dulu. Kan??

I’ll remember to use this line someday with our contractors!

Anyway, I have also decided to finally send some of the guys from my department off to highseas. They were supposed to go earlier, but couldn't. They will be leaving soon, one at a time, and again I’ll be handicapped at the office. Bodoh ke tak? But anyways, it’s an exposure they need. Had things been different, I would have gone too. It’s been a long time since I went and there is still so much to learn.

that's me on one of the first trips in my orange Ultraman suit!

I remember the first time that I went. Mom was not too happy about it, what with knowing that I’d be the only female in a vessel of 265 other men in the middle of the South China Sea. But she really did not have much say in the matter, as I had made up my mind, and of course, it was work anyway. The trip, at that time, was an 8 hour bumpy speed boat ride to our site. Some of the guys with me spent half their time by the side of the boat puking their guts away. Minah sorang ni (ehem..that’s me) maintain je. Made of steel (ok lah let me masuk bakul and angkat sendiri on this one ok?)..must have been the nasi kawah at Tun Fatimah that made me like that.

In what we do, we often don’t see the hardship the crew go through just to get the work done. All we do in the office is complain, that our guys don’t know how to work efficiently, this lah that lah. Once you are with them you know, that the guys work their *sses off day and night, sweating and toiling just to get their day's worth of wages. And it cannot be easy being away from their families 60-90 days continuously, stuck in a vessel in the middle of nowhere with some other men they probably don’t even like, without much entertainment apart from the VCDs we send them monthly (don't ask what sort of movies ok!). And for this month, Ramadhan, things can’t get any easier for them.

That’s what I wanted the guys to see, apart from getting to know the technical part of the work. I want them to not take things for granted, and see the real people behind the work, the ones that make things happen. Not just see the fancy high and mighty, "I am God", hoity toity head office banter, where people criticize sometimes beyond reasonableness.

Actually, I also sent them just to torture them a bit!!! . One is possibly going over Raya! Haha!! No lah, there’s a better and less cruel reason for this. But he took it well, still very gung-ho. He’s new you see.

So, that’s that, and there you have my so not happening week.

Oh, I also flipped some old albums just now and looked at my honeymoon pictures. My heart skipped a zillion beats and I almost went into cardiac arrest. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! But this, I shall blog about later. In the meantime, to nurse my depression, I’ll need a dose of Zanax!

Stay sane everyone!

Mimpi and A Blogger

2005-10-03T02:38:00.000-07:00

Di sebabkan boss saya seringkali keluar masuk bilik saya setiap sepuluh minit sejak dari pagi tadi, maka susah sedikitlah saya nak berbelog. Jadi, saya ingat mungkin ok kalau berbelog dalam Bahasa Melayu, sebab Boss adalah seorang Singaporean dan tak fasih berbahasa Melayu. Jadi, mungkin selamat! Sebenarnya, bukannya ada apa yang nak dibelogkan pun sangat, tapi niat memang nak belog, jadi belog jugaklah. Kalau tidak, mungkin sampai tahun depan tak ada update!! Dan juga, kalau tak belog, kepala terasa berat, dan hati tak senang. Tambah-tambah lagi, semalam sampai termimpi-mimpi a few titles yang hendak dibelogkan. Serious.

Satu daripadanya, ialah belog mengenai “fairytale” yang tak come true. Rasa-rasanya, saya termimpi pasal fairytale, sebab terbaca article yang ditulis oleh Kalimullah Hassan (kalau tak salah) di akhbar New Straits Time semalam, yang mengaitkan fairytales dan fables dengan seorang menteri kita yang sedang dilanda “limelight” disebabkan issue AP iaitu Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz. Mungkin saya keliru dengan “analogy” yang digunakan and compared with Rafidah Aziz..so itu yang terbawa-bawa ke mimpi tu. Mimpi itu mengenai cerita fairytale yang endingnya semuanya tipu belaka. There was no happy ending, there was no moral to the story, so it was like finding out that there’s no Santa Claus for kids in the west.. So, what’s the point?? Dan dalam mimpi itu, of course, saya sungguh marah dan frust kerana mendapati bahawa fairytale itu semuanya fiction belaka dan tiada unsur “reality” atau kebenaran langsung.. Saya memberitahu seorang lelaki (tak ingat siapa) bahawa “I shall get right to the roots of this!”. And I remember very clearly saying to myself in the dream – I MUST BLOG ABOUT THIS! Malangnya, saya tak ingat specifically fairytale apa yang saya mimpikan itu! (anti-climax or not??)

Semalam juga, sebab asyik terjaga beberapa kali di tengah malam, (I am quite a light sleeper. Ely, I had to stop myself from going to the coffee shop to hound you! ) saya telah bermimpi beberapa kali seperti episod drama bersiri. The only difference is, storyline mimpi-mimpi itu, taida kaitan with each other sama sekali.

Saya telah bermimpi (mungkin between 3am to 4.30am) mengenai nyamuk aedes yang gigantic, sebesar kucing. Saya memang phobia nyamuk dan gelikan kucing. Perangai ini saya rasa, saya dapat dari bapa saya yang memang tak tahan dengan nyamuk dan bunyinya yang sungguh merimaskan! Ibu saya juga seorang penggeli kucing dan haiwan-haiwan yang berbulu. Phobia nyamuk ini bertambah teruk , lebih lagi apabila membaca di akhbar harian mengenai wabak denggi yang kini mendekati tahap “epidemik”. Apatah lagi apabila saiznya (seperti dalam mimpi saya) sebesar kucing! Di dalam mimpi itu saya telah mengarahkan bibik supaya memasang ubat nyamuk disetiap bilik dirumah saya,sepanjang hari. Cuma ubat nyamuk itu sebesar aircond and it sucks the nyamuk into the unit, thus killing the S.O.Bs!! Yeeeehaaa!

I woke up after that dream feeling hot! Rupa-rupanya N switched off the aircond! And before I dozed off again, I thought, “I MUST BLOG ABOUT THIS!” Sempat lagi tu.

Mimpi ketiga mengenai kawan saya yang telah memberi sebuah ucapan di Zoo. Ceritanya begini, malam semalam semasa saya sedang menidurkan anak-anak, saya menerima sms dari seorang kawan yang dikenali melalui rakan-rakan belog yang memberitahu yang dia telah menghadiri satu “event” di Zoo Negara di mana beliau memberi satu ucapan. Di majlis tersebut, beliau diberi peluang untuk memegang tangan seekor Orangutan yang mungkin seronok yang amat sangat sehingga terkencing (the Orangutan not my friend) di khalayak orang ramai semasa memegang tangannya! Saya bermimpi bahawa saya berada di situ bersorak dan bersiul (“bersiul” like”pheeeeewittt!”) while my friend bagi ucapan (so proud like that!), and that all the Orangutans were jumping in their cages, while peeing in their pants! Heeeehaaaa!

It is now lunch time and boss has long since gone home. Why I continued to belog in my so teruk-embarassing written Malay pun I don’t know. Probably just to remind myself that I need to do some serious polishing on my written bahasa ibunda! (And I wonder, how the h*ll I scored an A1 for BM during my SPM??) But I guess, if you understand what I’m trying to say, then..oklah kan?

Anyways, seriously, I dreamt ALL that in just one night, and each time if it was not related to a blogger, I thought and dreamt that I’ll blog about it! This is chronic.. it’s either time I stop reading the newspapers and/OR wash my feet properly before bed dan baca bismillah banyak-banyak and/OR time I follow Atenah’s footsteps and wean myself from blogging, bloghopping and all such activities related to it! (although, I could never not visit Ely’s Kedai Kopi!) It’s addictive I tell ya!

BUT, you know what? If only we could control what we dream of…you know what I would want to dream about next?? “Makcik Bloggers the Movie! - WE WILL WE WILL BLOG YOU!” I say, the supporting roles (the “future” makcik bloggers, all imported you! Nazrah-Angelina Jolie/Oprah Winfrey (Oprah?? Nazrah, as I said, this one NO CAN DO!), Blabs – Jodie Foster, Me – Era Fazira (the only local supporting actress. I don’t know why, but I insist! She sells, no?)..and the rest still casting.. Oh yes, perasan tak sedar diri tahap yang tak boleh diselamatkan!!)

So till then my friends, have a good week! Embrace Ramadhan with open and happy hearts, and last of all, you can bet, I’ll be dreaming of you!! (Somebody HEEeeeLLLLLPPPpppPP me!!)

Perfection in the Skies

2005-09-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

I love airplane rides. There’s just something special about being high up in the skies amongst the clouds. Especially early in the morning when the sky is a gorgeous calm blue, the sun is a warm, glowing, almost sleepy, red, and the clouds fresh, white and inviting. As though enticing one to take a stroll and perhaps have a little dance amongst them.

Yesterday, as is my almost monthly routine, I found myself comfortably seated in a plane, en route to Brunei, marveling at the beauty and perfection of the morning sky. The serene view as always, took my breath away. On and off, my thoughts drifted off to my two little sunshines, Nasar and Nasri, and how I hate being away from them, even if it's just for a day; already planning to call them as soon as I touch down. I wondered how N does it, going away all the time on work, leaving the kids behind and somehow seem unaffected by it. Men are like that huh? Unfeeling creatures! Hehehe..

That morning somehow, the skies reminded me of how perfect my life had been, just as perfect as the morning skies. I grew up with love and support all around me. I never had problems with my studies, nor my career. I found a man that loves me, who provides me with enough comfort that I need not worry about anything and can even afford a few tiny luxuries in life every now and then. And to top it all off, I have been blessed with my sons. The two boys who own my heart and soul.

My sunshine Nasri

Life was perfect, almost. For, suddenly, in this journey of near perfection, I experienced a glitch, with Nasri. Perhaps not a great big one (and some may be wondering why I whine), but one important enough for me to know that my life is no longer as perfect as it “should” have been, and worst of all, that his life may not be like other kids. We find ourselves every other day in hospitals, meeting therapists, working out programmes just to achieve some form of speech from him. I now find myself making future “back-up” plans just in case things don’t work out with him. Assessing what would be best for him and as for me, personally, seriously thinking of doing things that would drastically affect my life in terms of my career, dreams and such. Emotionally, although I hate to admit it (I always have to be the strong one), this has affected me much. How could it not, when as a mother, I always pray and dream for the best for my children? Especially, when at times, I feel like we are not progressing and so, so helpless to help my own son, one I love with all my being and one that I am responsible for bringing into this world? And I have often, in these past few months questioned myself, why is God challenging me with Nasri? What is God trying to tell me?

I found the answer in the perfection of the skies. Because my life was perfect. As absurd as it may sound, I believe it makes sense really. Had my life been perfect, I may have forgotten HIM. Had my life been so perfect, I may have gone astray and forgotten the greatness of HIM. Had my life been perfect, my feet would not be planted firmly on the ground as it is now and I wouldn’t have seen how tiny I am in HIS world. Nor would I have seen how powerless I am in HIS universe. I would have been in a blissful state of ignorance in HIS world, had life been perfect.

And so, I found my answer, so crystal clear, yesterday in the skies. God sent me a beautiful little messenger, a subtle signal from HIM, in my Nasri. A signal, that HE is the Almighty and only HE knows whats best for me. Something I always knew, and have always told myself…but was also kept at the back of my mind, just like something you take for granted.

For the first time yesterday, an overwhelming surge of mixed emotions enveloped me. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time..But for most of all I wanted to cry my heart out. (I would have if it weren’t for that guy sitting next to me, and it just wouldn’t do attending meetings with red swollen eyes, would it?). Jokes aside, for the first time, yesterday, things REALLY made sense and now I feel serenely calm in a strange, strange way. I can’t tell you how great it feels, to finally figure out the best part of this “discovery” of mine…which is..

That Nasri is proof of how GREAT HIS love is for me.

And that’s just perfect, really, isn’t it?

Break Time!

2005-09-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

..Till I have something to say. Am in extreme flat-toned mode at the moment. No information, no opinion, nothing to say. Well, at least not here, for now.

In the meantime, until I decide to come out from the land of Flat-Toners, wherever that is, I shall be visiting YOU, YOU and YOU. Yes, that's YOU! And when I'm not wherever you are, you should find me sipping coffee at my favourite coffee joint, high on conversation, in love with the company..

So, till then, see you when I see you!

My Mee Bandung Surprise

2005-09-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

LAST WEEKEND, family matters in the form of a really meriah engagement kenduri beckoned my family and I back to N's hometown, Muar. Or, as the Muarians say it, Muor.

We arrived late Friday night. After settling the kids and putting them to sleep, we went out in search of our first bowls of mee bandung. Memang since we first got married, it's compulsory, must eat mee bandung upon arrival in Muor. The one we got that night was delicious, mouth watering but not exactly what I had been craving for eversince we planned the trip, ie mee bandung at Kadir's. But alas, Kadir is not open at night, so I had to settle for my not-so-Kadir's mee bandung Muor. The next morning, we were woken up by our kids, all fresh and screaming murder for breakfast. So up we got, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, we were out in the car around 7-ish in search of breakfast, Muorian style.

I knew where N was heading. It was a little stall near the TNB office, one that he used to frequent since his childhood days. There, we ordered two bowls of lontong, one bowl of mee rebus, a set of beef and chicken satay and a set of awesome blossom roti bakar. For drinks, three cups of steaming hot extra kow coffee and milo for the boys. And it is perhaps only in Muor where you will find satay stalls all lively and bustling with activity at such hours of the day!

Setelah kenyang, seperti biasa, the boys asked to pay a visit to their friends at Tanjong. As though tak puas pergi Zoo Negara every other weekend, when in Muor, they have to visit the monkeys at the Tanjong nearby. Nasar was so amused by how territorial the monkeys were, when one monkey with a bright red coloured bum chased off a group of others and only let a selected few share the peanuts we were offering. Nasri, my braver one, was busy trying to step on their long pink tails.

After that, we drove around town admiring the old architecture. N as always will cerita (some stories, we have heard a zillion times over..yawn!) about what he used to do when he was a child, as we passed old buildings he used to frequent. One of them was the Muar Swimming Pool, which once had an Olympic sized pool and which has now gone into a miserable state of disrepair. N was so disappointed. He must’ve spent quite a lot of time there I suppose. It is a shame actually that they have not maintained it.

After a long drive around town, and a stop over to check on the “situation” at my brother in law's house where the kenduri was to be held, I asked N to take me to Kadir’s shop on Jalan Abdullah for THE Mee Bandung Muor. *as in this is the real deal* (Mental note: I have to remember to ask N why he calls it Kadir when the signboard clearly says Abu Bakar bin SomethingSomething and Sabarina Abu Bakar.) N gave me this look which read “tak kenyang-kenyang lagi?” but obliged in the end. Eleh, sebenarnya, dia pun nak! Finally!! Yes! Again we downed two full bowls of mee bandung. Later, N asked me whether we should bungkus some satay to bring over to bro-in-law’s house later. We decided that we should, and placed the order of 200 sticks with the Satay Man whose name is Satria and told him we’d come by later to pick up the “goods”.

Sebab niat baik agaknya nak belanja orang satay, I had a nice surprise awaiting me at Kadir’s when we returned later after we went back to get dressed for the kenduri. (sidetrack: I discovered then that I did not bring my sandals and had to settle wearing my kebaya with loafers!) There was no parking, so we double parked. N told me to stay in the car just in case we were told to move, so I did.

I heard Bibik saying something in the background about some “perempuan dok bye-bye bye-bye”. I looked out and saw her. NAZRAH!!! There was no doubt about it, and tanpa segan silu and without checking first, whether it was really her, I got out and she came towards me and we exchanged excited hugs. All I could think of was “she’s soooooo puteh!” and how regretfully late I was for the kenduri! What timing!! I babbled some stuff very quickly to her cos by then N was already back in the car, and asked her where her Aishah was. She pointed to a lil kecik adorable girl wearing a white hat sitting quietly with her Dad, CA, in the mee bandung shop. (Nyesal pulak tak panggil Nasar turun to introduce him to Aishah. Manalah tahu kan?)

It was surreal! It’s quite like meeting celebrities from movies, to see Nazrah, CA and Aishah in person after seeing their pictures at her blog all this time. Only that, unlike when meeting celebrities, there is this big gap of unfamiliarity, meeting her, was like meeting family, even though it was for a mere fleeting 2 minutes or so. The best part is, I remember asking her what she was doing in Muor. She gave me her familiar wide grin which makes you wanna smile too, and said, “Makan Mee Bandung lah!” and all the way from Singapore at that!! She really knows her food this one!! I tabik you lah!! You’re the Queen of Makan!!

Needless to say, from the heartfelt embraces we shared, N was pretty much amazed and amused by it all. He kept saying that he was so impressed that Nazrah was so sharp to have recognised me from inside the shop! I smsed KakTeh and OOD a few minutes later to share the news. I then called my mom to tell her about it too. Before I could say anything, she said, “Oooooh, I know!”. Apparently, our ever so efficient better-than-CNN-like reporter from London aka KakTeh had alerted the rest of our clan in Malaysia about my brief encounter with Nazrah. It had already made local news apparently. My dad, asked me whether I took photos, I meekly told him “no” to which he sort of frowned disapprovingly. Ya lah…Why? Why? Why??????

In the end, I was not late! (BIG BIG minus points for my niece’s future hubby!) I could’ve spent more time with Nazrah if I knew! Nevertheless, it really made my weekend! To finally have met in person, someone whom I have chatted with at Ely’s Kedai Kopi, whom I’ve smsed and talked with a few times over the phone and above all, whose blog I read almost religiously so much so, that I feel like I know so much about her and even what she eats daily, cannot really be described in words; by a flat-toner especially. And as a plus point, all this talk of makan or not makan, was not wasted. It has brought us together, in blogworld, at Ely's Kedai Kopi and even at Kadir’s in Muor. Nazrah, says our lil meet was priceless, I couldn't agree with her more!

ps. pls visit nazrah's for a more graphic view of the mee bandung mentioned, the tauke-tauke kedai responsible for the mee bandung and for an enlightening write up on the beautiful Bandar Maharani @ Muor. Oh, and those who visit Muor, please also go try the fresh ice-cold air pear, which is sold somewhere in the "china town" of Muor by the roadside!

pps. just imagine, if it was not her, after all the hugging and whatnots! tak ke malu! hehehe!

The ABC's of Baking Female Brownies. An Idiot's Guide

2005-09-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I am on the quest of digging info in ensuring that the next batch of "brownies" I bake will turn out GIRLS. So, in this quest, I have turned to some experienced, and successful friends, and I have also received help from other non-experienced ones ie. Hartini in form of charts etc. (thank you, dear)

Well, this is one that I received from a dear, dear old friend of mine recently. He himself has succeeded in producing 1 male and 2 female brownies. So I thought, he'd be a good source of reference.

*Some terminology has been changed to maintain this blog as a non 18SX site. Please figure for yourself what "flower", "bees" and "jengjeng" stand for. If you can't figure it out, you are either:

1. Underaged (if yes, please go surf another site)

2. Blur (or an idiot, and so I can't help you)*

************************************************************

This is a step by step process. If you skip a process, it WILL NOT WORK!

Step 1 . Require one man - ready, alert and functional
Step 2 . Require one woman - just a live one will do
Step 3 . Require one suitable environment - a dimly lit room, locked and out of reach of
children will suffice.

Step 4 . You know what comes next. NO! Not THAT. You see, you're always jumping the gun
That's why la so hard to get one..... The next step is to look at the calendar!

YES! The calendar.

The "flower" blooms on the 14th day, calculated from the first "Red Flag" day. Conception happens only after the "flower" blooms.(I'm pretty sure you know that bit). What you might not know is that the "flower" has about 4 days tops to be 'stung' by the right "bee". And that the boy "bees" are the stronger swimmer (err flyers?) but the girl "bees" have a longer life.

So here's the trick...

If both boy "bees" and girl "bees" are present when the flower is ready, chances are, the boy bees are gonna be victorious. But if you eliminate the threats from the boy "bees", then, there's a pretty strong chance that if a "bee" manages to go thru, it's a girl "bee"!!!

So...how do you do that? The boy "bees" last just 24hrs but the girl "bees" last up to 48 hrs. So to make sure that it's gonna be a girl, make sure that you behave and do not "jeng jeng" from the 13th to the 17th day. "Jengjeng" at full throttle on the 12th day though. *which means jengjeng a lot, ok* We don't want to be unsuccessful on account of insufficient troops, do we? B'coz when the "flower" blooms and the "bees" are almost at the end of their life, they might not be strong enuff to "sting" the "flower". So, the more "bees", the merrier!

So there you have it. Apa lagi, start counting! And, ehem...have fun!

***********************************************************

So, to those who wanna try this, go ahead, and tell me if it works (by the way, this one, no money-back guarantee!).

To the rest, any other proven successful method?

Because of The Blogreader

2005-09-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

...I have now been tagged for 20 years of history and 10 years of forecast! Alamak! Can this brain of mine really hold that much information? Lemme see what I can korek for you then! (by the way your name is waaay cool..can I name my daughter after you?)

20 years ago. 1985. 10 years old. Probably 20++ kgs
1. Standard Four. Class teacher, Mrs Rai. Favourite subject – English and Sejarah. High on collecting Hello Kitty stickers and stuff. Was also in school choir.
2. Best friends at that time were Teoh Su Chin and Lim Geok Shin.
3. Favourite singer Michael Jackson
4. Growing strange bumps on upper region of body. Mighty painful I tell ya.
5. Made a trip to Sabah to visit cousins Ju and Hira for year end school holidays. Had fun imagining/playing we were Ninjas. Also had rooftop taekwondo lessons from Uncle Amin and I broke his glasses trying out a flying kick on one session. We weren’t very girlish, no.
6. At Sabah: went to a welding workshop and got the guys there to make us Ninja Stars to throw at boards erected in the house compound, errr… and at stray dogs.
7. Got busted (with Ju and Hira) reading “Mona Gersang” at Wan’s house in Kuala Pilah. (You see Wan, the REAL question is,”WHOSE BOOK WAS THAT?”) And the next question is WHAT WAS THE ENDING LIKE?? WHAT HAPPENED TO MONA?" Does anyone out there know?

10 years ago. 1995. 20 years old. 40++ kgs at beginning of year.
1. Essex Girl at Essex University

2. Started second year in autumn 1995 majoring in Accounting and Financial Management
3. One boyfriend. Very serious. Very in love. Very roller-coaster like affair. Very pening but very happy to be in love.

4. One on-off crush despite very serious boyfriend as per no.3 above (it’s allowed, no?). That went no where. Sighhhh. My heart still flutters when I see his photos. Help me God!
5. Deejaying on Essex Uni Radio Station with a show called the Midnight Blues aired every Wednesday and Sunday nights. No one listened to it cos it was at midnight when everyone else was dancing at the dancehalls!
6. Also a Nightliner (where you sit long nights in a room with tea listening to people/strangers pour out problems or discuss Startrek.)
7. Quit Nightline. Was becoming a cuckoo myself.
8. Made fast, firm lifetime friends with AJ, Karen, Asad, Rose, Nathalie and gang
9. Danced. A LOT.
10. Aerobics queen of Essex University
11. Worked as receptionist during summer holidays, where I graciously and gracefully proposed to a stranger on the other line (hello?????) Go here for the full story.

12. Fell into garbage bin in Square 1 of University witnessed by the whole of the Malaysian Community on campus. (I made history..I was more amused by the fact that I actually fit into the bin!!)

5 years ago. 2000. 25 years old. Above 45 kgs
1. Got married on 29 January to a bald man that I’ve only known for 6 months or so.
2. Went to visit the Pyramids and The River Nile on a cold and romantic honeymoon in Egypt
3. Conceived sometime then.
4. Pregnant for a major chunk of the year
5. Learnt how to cook asam pedas and make sambal belacan and clean fish!
6. Gave birth to a very handsome, bald baby by the name of Syed Nasar.
7. Promoted. Alhamdulillah. I needed the extra cash!

3 years ago. 2002. 27 years old. Above 50kgs.
1. Gave birth to my second very handsome baby boy. This one had hair. We named him Syed Nasri.
2. Busy at work. Travelling too much.
3. Another promotion. Alhamdulillah, but which also meant MORE work!!
4. Building a new house, near the zoo
5. Already a super cook. No one has died yet!

I year ago. 2004. 29 years old. Still above 50kgs.
1. Discovered that 2nd baby needs help and that I need to be very, very strong
2. Whirlwind family holiday in Rome and Venice. Supposedly, our 2nd honeymoon..but with 2 kids in tow..all the romance tak jadi!
3. Dad finally FINALLY retired and is now at home harassing mom! (hahaha!)

This year. 2005. 30 years old. Dare I say it?? Above 55kgs!! YIKES!
1. Enjoying my two sons to the max
2. Working on becoming a better Muslim
3. Considering heating up the oven and getting some bun baking action. BUT must lose weight first and must make sure the bun will turn out FEMALE. How??
4. Considering a career change, I am becoming a permanent fixture in this current outfit..I’ll soon become antique!
5. Considering no career at all. But I probably won’t survive that
6. Am perpetually on diet. Ohhhh..when will this end????
7. Discovered Blogspot and made so many lovely friends. Yes, that’s YOU.
8. Discovered Blogspot and my phonebills are running sky high.

9. Discovered Blogspot and my husband thinks I have a secret life! haha!
10.Wrote a song for the first time. Still can’t believe it. Thanks Intan!
11. Am a very happy woman

Next year. 31 years old. 50kgs
1. Please note, I would have lost weight
2. Will have become a better Muslim, mother, wife, daughter, sister etc..etc
3. Will have a daughter by year end
4. Will have survived all the bad 2005 prophecies. Tell me it ain’t true!
5. Would have enough money to not work in this office and to be able to start up something on my own and work from home!
6. Will still be a very happy woman

10 years from now. Year 2015. 40 years old. Less than 50kgs
1. Would want to be a counselor or a trainer. In what? I haven’t figured yet. Will decide in 2 years time.
2. Sons would be 15yrs and 13yrs each. Probably going through an identity crisis and discovering girls! (This’ll be fun!)
3. Hubby will be 50 years old. Hopefully, retired already, not a grouch and farts less.
4. Will have 4 kids in total. 2 boys and 2 girls or 3 boys and 1 girl or 4 boys (eeeks!)
5. Would have survived mid-life crisis
6. Will be time to start giving back to society. Don’t ask me how. I just will..somehow.

Most of all, I want to be alive and healthy and be able to enjoy the full circle of life, grandkids, leaking bladders (not) and all!

Next! OODY, Atenah, Pak Ajie Kapai and ,Kak Cik (so you must update your blog!), you’ve been tagged!!

Oh, and Blogreader, thanks! This was fun!

Most Eligible Penniless Bachelor

2005-08-29T04:21:00.000-07:00

I have a brother. People say he’s cute. Me? I think he’s chomot, but then I am his sister, I’m allowed to say that.

A is already 29, and works proudly for the government of Malaysia in the Diplomatic Service. Apparently, in our quaint little kampung, the word amongst the makcik-makciks is that he is the kampung’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Perhaps. But Aunties, before you set out, trying to match-make him with anak sekian-sekian, let me just tell you, he is quite penniless and thus getting married is something he can’t pull off just yet!

I’m sure many of you have noticed the dramatically increasing cost of getting married these days. For Malay husbands-to-be, first of all, you have to set aside money for the dowry or what is called hantaran. These days, it is said that the "market rate" is at a minimum of RM6,000 and even that, apparently, is waaaay low, for KL standards. Then comes the issue of what to put on those trays of stuff. If you get someone who is very brand conscious, you’ll have to set aside more for Hermes/Gucci/Ferragamo handbags and shoes in addition to other gifts like watches and jewellery which is in addition to other wedding-must-haves like wedding rings, wedding dresses etc..etc. Then of course, there is the issue of the function or kenduri itself. The luckier ones, will have their parents sponsor or part sponsor..and those who are not so lucky will have to fork out the money themselves. So at an average, to get married in KL these days, one would spend probably RM20,000 at least. If you’re planning a hotel wedding then add another RM50,000 to that!

The problem is, we are expected to follow this tradition of dowry giving, market rates etc or else we "lose-face". Of course. Actually, if you think about it, all this hoo-ha over hantaran and stuff, has been blown way out of proportion by our society. It’s not even called for by our religion. Our Prophet once said, it is enough to formalize a marriage even with just one kurma. But heaven forbid if that were really done here back in KL. If the guy was rich and did that, then people would say “kedekut bonar jantan ni” and if the guy was poor and gave kurma as offerings for marriage, people would assume “they were up to something funny those two..and that’s why kurma also can!”. It's no win-win situation, is it?

We should spend what we can afford to spend on weddings. If you are rich, then go all lavish..but if you are not so rich, then spend within your means. AND people around you should not be allowed to judge by what’s given or not given for that matter.

Unfortunately, it is tradition and standards have been set. We can’t control what people say and as much as we hate it, we sometimes have to live with it. So, as for my poor brother (and I'm sure there are many young men out there like him), even if he wanted to get hitched, he wouldn’t be able to afford it, yet, what with his government salary and all.

Obviously, being concerned, we (that's my mom, dad, my baby sis and myself) figured that if desperate, the cheapest way for him to get married, would be to get married on one of his assignments overseas. Have a little doa selamat and makan-makan there and thus escape the issues of the trays of stuff and the hantaran money (assuming his future wife is okay with this!) and then later, we could probably have a decent garden-do, with fresh flowers, candles (he doesn’t know we’ve planned it already) for him back here in Malaysia. A small, pretty and cosy affair for close relatives and friends.. Then again, of course, if A gets married in 10 years time, he should have enough money to pay for a proper wedding with all the works. That is, if he doesn’t blow it all away spending on girlfriends and what not.

Oh A, I know you don’t know when you are getting married yet, but I am already dreading the day when I have to let my buchuk-chomot brother go to the hands of another woman. And now that the kampung makciks have named you The Most Eligible Bachelor of our kampung, I fear that you may soon be under attack and that dreaded day may just come sooner then I expect! But don’t worry about the costs and all, we’ll always have back-up plans. Anyway, I think all the makciks know already that although you’re quite penniless now, you’re rich in values and ambition and that you are on your way to great-great things in life. I just pray that you'll find a beautiful, smart, loving lady as your partner in life and that she accepts you with or without money.

With your upcoming "greatness" (I'm a proud sister) in mind, and if marriage does come your way, perhaps the makciks would consider taking a post-dated cheque as your hantaran? That should sort things out, shouldn’t it?

A and Nasar

A better picture for KakTeh. The girls with him are our cousins, not his girlfriends!

ps. A, if you read this, jangan marah! You know I sayang you lah!

Uninteresting-Feeling Flat-Toner

2005-08-25T04:16:00.000-07:00

*THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO AN OLD DEAR FRIEND JAJA WHO NAMED ME FLAT-TONER WAY BACK IN 1990*

When I am in a group of people, I sometimes get this nudging pokey-poke feeling that I am a bore and not intelligent enough to be interesting. Outside the comforts of home where people have no choice but to worship me (I am the Queen of the Castle, am I not?) and the busy daily hustle and bustle of the office where people respect me (I hope!) for being a so called “expert” in what I do, I feel like the thoughts in my brain just swirl around in lazy, hazy circles, hence rendering me quite thoughtless and perhaps uninteresting.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to wallow in self-pity, nor am I fishing for supportive compliments from friends whom I know will insist that I am clever and interesting etc. They love me and the thing with love is that, it is not only blind, but it also makes our senses numb and renders us biased towards those we love.

Recently, I was very fortunate to be in the company of some very interesting, clever people. Oh, how I live for such conversation and how I love listening to those people share their experiences in such witty ways. I could’ve sat there all day and listened to everything they had to say. Topics ranged from politics, the “younger generation”, the “London Bombings” etc. I had a few thoughts and opinions of my own to offer but it went all jumbled in mysterious confusing sentences, floating about somewhere in my so-called brain, that letting it out, would cause severe damage to my reputation and bring “nama buruk” to my friend who so kindly brought me with her for this lunch thing. Oh well.

I drove back very content and satisfied that I had such a fulfilling encounter with such intelligent lovely people. And then thought, “wouldn’t it have been better if I could give that back in return?” You know, equally interesting, intriguing, thought provoking conversation?

I suppose, I could give people a run for their money if they talked about offshore construction (but who wants to talk about that??), cleanliness of toilets, raising toddler boys, and blah..blah..blah.. And when digging further, I probably do not contribute much apart from nods and approving laughs and generously smiling, this issue of no-opinion is probably because I don’t feel strongly about much at all!

Say for example, the Anwar Ibrahim issue, his RM4.5m libel suit and all. What do I think about it? I think it’s good that it’s over and done with. The courts have done their job, Anwar may never get his money since you know who is bedridden in hospital and all and that’s that! And now that that’s over, let’s get on with life.

See what I mean?

Digging deeper into this, I know exactly why. It is not that I am not intelligent to the point that I can be uninteresting..(haha!) I do have very interesting thoughts that don’t come out right in words or at least that’s what I think!! Instead they stay in mushy grey matters in my lil zonked brain upstairs. And it is really because I am a “FLAT TONER”, a name that close friends (Jaja was behind this!) from that blessed old school in Johor who have righteously labelled me with!

What my friends have observed about me is this. I don’t feel (or so it appears) and therefore, I appear unopinionated. I do not have much expression and have been claimed to be anti-climax. People could be very excited about stuff, and I would be excited but I'd probably not say the right cheerful exciting stuff and be quite expressionless. People could be very sad, but I would share their sorrows, but not say the right things nor show the right expression. Yes, VERY me!! I am probably too rational, too unbiased that whatever happens, I don't feel much about it?

There is an upside to this Flat-Toner thing though, according to my employers, is that when I am expressionless, it makes me a good person to bring for negotiations. I don't give away much through my expressions, which is supposedly good and which is why I do what I do now.

Why I am thinking about this? Well, because those ladies were inspiring and are what I would want to be in 10-20 years time. I would like to have an audience of young people come talk to Anedra and leave thinking, they had gained something. Maintaining the Flat-Toner Anedra stance is something I have to change. I have to let my guards down once in a while, wake my sleepy senses up and learn to feel more and stronger about things which are important to me, at the very least. Maybe then, I could really give and share something back. Something a Flat-Toner would not do so well eh?

You Are What You Eat

2005-08-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

"You are what you eat". I heard that somewhere before. Some other people say "Rubbish In Rubbish Out". Whatever. All I know is that, I have not been a saint or an angel and kept to my promise of eating less and/or healthy towards my goal of getting slim and keeping a healthy lifestyle.

It seems as though, the more I try to diet, the more fat I become. In the past month, 4 or, err maybe 5 people have come up to me asking me in the not so straight forward Malaysian way, "Are you pregnant Anedra?". So I get subtle words like, "Makan untuk dua ke?" (and I was only holding a glass of water when the "perempuan bertuah" said that!!) I also got, "Eh, semakin chomel Anedra ni..dah berisi ke?"(Initially I took "chomel" as getting smaller and started to gloat for a few seconds..to my horror that was not what she meant!!).

I discussed this with my ever so wonderful blog sisters, Elyand OODand Nazrah!. Ood said, "hmmmm..you might as well get pregnant then!" God bless her this wise friend of mine. Always has good wise solutions for all the problems in the world that one! Ely was more optimistic and said, "maybe they say it because you're glowing, due to having a lot of s*x!". Hmmm..that, I like. I could live with that thought ya know? Nazrah, on the other hand was more technically supportive offering solutions like lipo-in-a-box, as opposed to the Cronie, and Beautiful corsets that we find so popular here, even to the point of comparing the products. Of course lipo-in -a-box has to be tested first, but it sounds good to me. Maybe, just maybe.

I pondered upon it for a while (and avoided the weighing scale for a looooooong while) and figured that since I have been depriving myself of food, maybe, just maybe, my tummy "masuk angin" and therefore the pregnant like shape?? BUT on a recent biz trip to Brunei, I found out that I have been living in LaLa land and that I needed a hard shake back to the real, cruel world. I braved myself to step on a weighing scale (that wretched scale!!!) and almost died right there. It was not good, and I almost fell into chronic depression. I don't want to even hint to you the results! I'll just say that I am overweight..and I am a blob.

Wanna know why??

my secret bedroom stash of yum-yums

my favourite!!

I have been naughty. I have a secret stash of sinful goodies in my bedroom and I wake up in the middle of the night and grab some for some unholy, sinful self indulgence. God help me and only HE can help, I'm sure.

these melt in your mouth!

SO darling G.I Janes because of my secret nightime love rendezvous with my chocolates, I am what I am today..A pregnant-but-not-pregnant me..Oh, the horror! And while some of you can report progress in the regime. Anedra, is so close to being kicked out. Yes, GI's I have sinned. Real bad!

Of course, I can always say, it's ok..as long as I am healthy. True. But the thing is, being the right weight combined with healthy eating habits and regular exercise will take you there. Not, waking up in the middle of the night for nice belgian chocs, doritos and such. No! No! No! So, remember, (yours truly especially); "You Are What You Eat" and "Rubbish In Rubbish Out"..

HeEeeeeeEeeEEeeeeeeLLlllllLLLPPppp!

pssssstt..Ely, tell me about those choc malt balls.

Goodbye Dede

2005-08-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

I hate goodbyes. Saying goodbye is like letting go a piece of your heart, and that's always painful isn't it?

Yesterday I said goodbye to Dede, a 20 year old who has been part of our household for two years. Dede arrived at our doorstep two years back as one of my "helpers" at home. She was a timid, quiet, serious and shy girl then. Throughout the years, she began to show her true colours, a warm, quiet, bright, determined and sisterly person. She warmed up to us, as we did to her. Most importantly, she became family.

The last two weeks before her departure were the hardest for her and for us. Dede was crying everyday. I chose not to think about it as there was just no point to do so. Returning home was not her choice. She was not given any. Family matters call her home, and who am I to stop her? So as hard as it was, we had to accept the fact that Dede would leave us and off she went yesterday.

The boys are missing their "kakak" already. Nasar is asking for her every now and then, (and tells everybody that she'll be back on Monday) and Nasri keeps going to her room to see if she is there and looks puzzled to not find her anywhere. It's only been a day. But somehow, now the house seems somewhat empty without her scurrying around doing her work, joking with the boys.

Oh well, such is life; it has to go on with or without the people we would like to be with us. I only hope and pray the best for our Dede. And as selfish as it sounds, I hope she returns to our family sometime... Anytime.

The One About the Haze and the Bosses

2005-08-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

Like everyone else, I’m cursing the haze and the government for not declaring darurat already. I suppose we’re waiting for someone to pengsan and die on the streets of KL due to inhaling over polluted air..and then, declare darurat. By then, we’d have miles of people queuing up at clinics and hospitals suffering from jerebu-itis. And that is in addition to those, who are injured from road accidents and such. Pak Lah, (I know you read my blog) – declare darurat already pleaselah!!

Before long, at the rate this is going, those walking on the streets of KL, will be knocking each other head on and finding their noses hitting the ground like skittles as we won’t be able to see face to face due to this haze, as we are already creeping into the API of 500. Well, that’s what a wise friend of mine says, and she, is always right.

Talking about people who are always right, I was told 8 years ago when I joined the workforce, that the Boss, is always right. Always. Regardless of how wrong he or she is. No matter what. The Boss is always right. Which is, ladies and gentlemen, if you do not already know, is rule numero uno at work.

I’ve always been rather skeptical of this though. The person who created the rule that “The Boss is Always Right” must’ve either not gone to school or was working for himself, by himself, because it only applies, if that is the situation. So, perhaps because I was always a "non-believer" of the rule, that explains why I am where I am now. A successful coolie-kang.

But I suppose I have to change. A paradigm shift is called for. After 8 years of being in the workforce, I am now forced to revise my view on this issue, if that is, I want to get anywhere with my career. When the Boss says, “Jump”, you say “How high?” and then jump..even if you can’t and even if it means jumping off a cliff. When the Boss says, “Just Do It”, do not open mouth and say “But…..”, you, just do it. Why? Because it is so, and because Boss is always right. When Boss asks “ Do you have good news for me?”, always say “yes” even though you don’t have any good news. If you have a great smile and some acting skills, saying this should be no problemo. Trust me.

At work, I am one who has a string of bosses. I have my immediate boss, and two other not so immediate bosses and also report to Big Boss. Since, as mentioned, I do not plan to be a coolie-kang forever, I have decided to observe my bosses and peers around me and see what it takes to be a boss and be at the top. Apparently, “The Boss is Right” principle, is a major factor followed by “The Art of Fanning” which orang Melayu call “Kipas” and the art of “Kissing *ss” are useful and proven successful, which shall be elaborated on at a later date if deemed fit.

So when Big Boss says, “We have to achieve whatever-whatever”, my bosses do not say “But this-that” even if it’s not achievable, but instead say “Ok, we shall look into it” and turn to me and say “Do it..” to which I am supposed to smile very nicely, and say “Your wish is my command”, because, “Boss is Always Right”. Eh?

I have also learnt that when Bosses throw tantrums and start throwing things all over the place and/or at you, you must "maintain" and look as though nothing happened AND say thank you. Like what happened two days ago. A meeting of ours did not go as planned. Objectives were not achieved, everybody was stressed and so was Boss. So Boss decided to prove a point and started throwing pens, contracts across the table, one object missing my face by a mere few inches (which I skillfully avoided, thank you. It was not aimed at me by the way.). I would’ve joined in the throwing match, but apparently only Bosses are allowed to do that and so I just sat and watched. After which, we were asked to leave; the meeting I mean, not the organization..(phew!).

Up to that day, I always believed that, if you have not done anything wrong, there is no need to apologise..and I always believed that if someone starts throwing things all over the place and/or at you, you don’t thank them. Apparently not.. In such situations, madams et monsieurs, you lift your sorry bum off the chair, apologise to Boss anyway (for being alive, I guess) and thank him..for his five star throwing-stuff-act, before you exit. You see, it is only right…and that’s exactly what some of the rest did! Mindblowing!

Granted, not all Bosses are like this, and my Bosses (god bless them) are normally intelligent, sane, kind and gentle men. Unfortunately, these are difficult times and maybe under extreme stress, the brain shuts down and “yes boss” is the easy way out. As for throwing things, it is therapeutical, no? I for one, think it’ll be a long long time before I acquire this skill and to truly believe in the “Boss is Always Right” concept. I have learnt to smile and say “yes sir!” though, occasionally and when it’s really bad, I just smile and say nothing. But I’m not ready to go jumping off cliffs, nor am I ready to do a Nike and “Just Do It”. As for the art of “Fanning” and “Kissing *ss”, let’s not even go there. I'm not cut out for it, not even with my award winning actress skills!

I’ll just settle for my coolie-kang role instead. For now.

ps. by the time I finished writing, re-writing and editing this post, news came out that the government had already declared darurat / a state of emergency for Port Kelang, Kuala Selangor dan kawasan-kawasan yang se-haze dengannya. Thank you Pak Lah. Finally.

*Now go kick some *ss and clean up our air please? pronto! pronto!*

A Zoo, A Barbecue and A Bread Factory

2005-08-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Last week I was nursing some old basi sakit hati. The forecast for this week, then, was - GLOOMY. I was upset (since a few weeks back) that due to work commitments, I could not, as planned, go for a two day leave to attend a simposium which was important to me. Although I understand the criticality of quarterly results (timing wasn't good) and such; my absence from the company for 2 days does not directly translate to a company turnaround, does it? No, it does not. But bosses will be bosses, and work is work, so here I am.

Thank God for last weekend and my trip to the zoo. Yawn..yawn.. Again? Yes, my friends, we live just next door, it's like visiting neighbours. For those of you who do not know, we always ALWAYS go to the zoo to pay homage to the abang-abang buaya tembaga, elephants, rhinos, zebras, snakes dan yang paling favourite aunty-uncle keluarga monyet. Although we always go to the zoo, I still find a walk through the zoo refreshing and calming. Minus of course, the occasional whiffs of animal dung!

This time around, the boys spent more time playing with the birds which were brought out on benches for the public to touch and feel. Mommy just stood by click-clicking with the camera macam tourist tak pernah pergi zoo and licking on her yum-yum ice-cream cone. When we got tired of walking around, we'd go for a few rounds on the zoo tram until we got dizzy. As usual, when we got off the tram, my Nasar would scream "THANK YOU MR. UNCLE!" to which the tram driver would always laugh. Always.

the boys and their Kakak Dede playing with birdie

Fun. The zoo was fun.

On Monday our management treated us to a little barbecue by the lake. They discovered, recently, to their horror that we are beginning to look like zombies walking in the corridors. What do you expect when we come in before sunrise and leave well after sunset? We're probably breeding a colony of zombies in our cozy little outfit!

grilled bbq chicken. yummmy!

So, on Monday we were given a little time-off, from 5.30pm to 9.30pm. A simple barbecue was on fire, simple silly games were set-up and a karaoke set on standby for those who wanted some lung exercise. I thought I'd give a shot at singing but the cover of the karaoke booklet said "Lagu-lagu zaman 60-an dan 70-an", errr..gulp..not for me lah. So I just stood by watching the veterans. It was fun..we ate, joked, sat back and relaxed.

Objective achieved, for Monday at least. The zombies were back to work on Tuesday!

Wednesday, today, was a bundleful of fun too. I followed my son's tadika's field trip to the High5 Bread Town in Shah Alam. It was insightful watching how little small things make children happy. Everything amazes them at that age. They were a merry bunch, laughing and saying things like "Hey! Look! The sun is shining!' or "Hey! Look at the sky!" followed by giggles and oohs and aahs at everything and chattered on and on through out the journey.

I thought to myself...On normal days, I hardly ever notice the sun. And the sky...is just the sky! Yes? No? Being with the children and feeling their happiness with life made me make a mental note to myself, to soon, stop to smell the flowers, stop once in a while to really breathe in the world, bask in the sun and gaze at the sky. Someday. Soon.

The bread factory was interesting too. I was more amazed with the Bread Museum where the quality of displays were far better than those at the National Museum. Of course, a tour of the factory and bread-making process was thrown in. The smell of the factory was, heavenly! It kept reminding me of Ailin's Swirling Cheese Bread. Or is it Cheese Swirl Bread? Whatever. All I know is that it makes me drool!

Nasar and pals at lunch today

We ended today's trip in high spirits. Mother and son both happy campers. It's back to work tomorrow and Friday.

Can't wait for Saturday. That's when I plan to go smell me some flowers!

Anedra and Her Blog Friend's Italian Lunch

2005-07-29T03:27:00.000-07:00

On my drive over to pick her up, I was almost convinced it was a big mistake. There were all the signs. First, I could not leave the office as planned. As I was just about to lift my b*m and dash out silently, the phone rang and I had to answer a very unpleasant complaint from a contractor complaining this and that and threatening to this and that..(hello?? isn’t the Client aka Me supposed to be always right?? arrrggghhh!). Told him that I could not talk as was about to meet a very important Client. I finally successfully sneaked out of the door and went into the carpark..THEN, I had the urge to pee, and I was already 15 minutes late at that time. Of course, I had to pee first..I mean, you really don’t wanna risk leaking on a blind-date do you?

After a quick visit to the loo, I finally finally drove out from the office, 20 minutes late and followed her directions to her office which was just a stone’s throw away. Somehow or rather, what was supposed to be a quick simple drive became spooky and scary as I approached an abandoned looking railtrack not to far from a pathetic looking deserted palm-oil estate. Perfect place for an attack by a serial rapist!! Maybe she was giving hints in her entry about blind-dates…Maybe, all her worries were subtle hints to me? Subtle warnings that dungus like me just don’t get. The fine hairs on my back rose, and my heart pumped a million beats per minute. I turned back and sped down the road....planning to escape it all! Too late! There she was by the side of the road in green and black as she said she’d be dressed. Haiyoh....she spotted me and was waving already! Oh no, what's that? She was carrying a suspicious looking white plastic bag! “Shoot! I should’ve brought my whip” I thought, and also thought of Ayu who's just learned to shoot. She'd be handy back-up!

Anyways, after baca ayat Qursi and all, I unlocked my car and let her in, and we hugged. I decided I shall leave my fate with God…(actually, after a quick scan, I felt better, if she acts funny I can push her out of car. She’s so tiny!). So, she is small, very petite in fact but she has a big smile, which is quite infectious! She passed me the white plastic bag. It was a present - Gardenia bread. Huh? Was she serious about eating standing up at the bus station?? Should I take her to one? Or was she trying to get rid of her breakfast left-overs?? Or have I protrayed myself in my blogs as a glutton-tong-sampah? Or do I really look like a tong sampah? I said thanks (it's only polite) and drove towards my kampung, Bangi. I figured that I’d be safe there with all my kaum kerabat just a shout away.

She decided to have an Italian lunch after I offered options of either nasi or pasta. She's very decisive one, not the "alah...anywhere, you chooselah" type. Good. I like that kinda person. No need to go "hmmm, what to eat aaaah??" and all that. We ordered and we talked and talked and talked and talked, only pausing to gobble down our pasta and pizza, and let me get this straight.. to those who read her comments on her blog about this Blind Date. I ordered the PASTA and SHE ordered the PIZZA and we agreed to swap and share. But I have to mengaku bersalah wallaping all the prawns in the pasta. Was that what she was on about??

I told her before, when we talked over the phone briefly, that she sounds sisterly..and that’s exactly what she turned out to be! Very sisterly and very happening. She has so many stories to tell..and man, has she lived life! And when she says she’s a drama queen, she ain’t exaggerating!! Really. No wonder her blogs are so clever! I don’t know, but I felt like time flew a wee bit faster than normal during lunch. We were just getting into full throttle, when we noticed it was already two pm! Time to pay the bill already?? I really didn’t want to leave, but sighs…duty calls!

I practically dragged my feet out of the restaurant and drove her back. As I waved her goodbye, I silently prayed that she had a great time, just as I had and that we’ll meet again sometime and that I didn’t turn her off (or memalukan keluarge KakTeh in anyway!! Eeeks...)

So, to those who know about us and our little not so blind date, I’ve gotta say..

SHE is one of a kind and I am so very glad we met, thanks to Blogspot, eh..and Ely, eh...and Kak Teh!

Ps. KakTeh – If you tersedak-sedak in Londra, sorry, it was us, we ngumpat you a bit.
OOD- am I supposed to eat the bread, or frame it??

Cerita Baju Tidur Malam Pertama

2005-07-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

MOM, DAD YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS

This is not an 18sx posting errr..depending on what 18sx is to you, that is..

Before I got married, during my early twenties, my girlfriends and I used to flip girlie magazines and catalogues, looking at lingerie…and decide what we would like to wear, what we would not be caught dead in and what we would wear if we had Cindy Crawford-like bodies etc..etc... As a consensus, most of us were not into stuff which had suspicious looking holes at the oddest but most practical and convenient err, ehem..place, nor were we into fluff balls, bulu-bulu, feathers, leather, whips-attached stuff etc.. We liked the Victoria Station eh..Victoria Secret look, the satin-lacey kinds for the sexy, “come and get me” look or the simple cotton stuff for comfy lets-just- snuggle-up occasions.

When I finally decided to get married, nearing the wedding day, a friend and I went out for lingerie shopping. My then future husband and I had planned a three in one day wedding to fit my ever so busy husband’s schedule (nikah+my reception+his reception all in one day) ending with our first night with a stay over at the place where his reception was held at. So, taking my wise ol friend’s advise, I had to (as in must buy or else die) buy some lingerie, so as to not disappoint my future hubby. Apparently, every man likes it and apparently, it is only the right thing to do and apparently, the first time and first impression really counts, so I had to have my strategies in place, in so far as lingerie is concerned!

We ended up buying 2 sets of pretty stuff. One, a two-piece baby blue all-lace number and the other a white one-piece baby doll-like cotton thing with tiny pink roses which I loved. My wedding day came and after the end of my reception we somehow found time to open a few of the more important presents from my pals.. My darling ever so thoughtful girlfriends and some guy friends had ever so graciously wrapped up some pretty lingerie in the packages that they left for me, with..saucy notes and first-timer tips to add! In the end, on top of the two sets that I had bought, I received two sets of Sporty Spice like sexy stuff and one very nice *I like* skimpy lacy black ensemble which was unfortunately one size too small…haiyaa!

I then packed myself for the next reception and the first night. I decided I would wear the white baby doll thing cos it was soooo me and kind of symbolic since it was white and thus looked “pure?”. I searched high and low for it, only to find that someone had thrown it on the roof of the house! Thanks to my Kak Nisa who was directly responsible for throwing it on the roof from what I was told! Apparently, throwing nice white lingerie with tiny pink roses stops rain from falling! It must’ve worked though, cos it didn’t rain that day! At that point, I was already such a beaming deliriously happy bride that it didn’t matter ! So, instead, I packed my baby blue lacy thing, and the Sporty Spice stuff (for back-up) and off I went.

What was supposed to happen, well, did not happen as it should have. Our three-in-one day wedding left us so exhausted, that at the end of the day, all I saw was the bed, couldn't wait to crash and all I can remember was waking up some time in the middle of the night for a glass of water. I was not, at that time, wearing my sexy baby blue lace thingy as planned (but I was wearing something not sexy at all but can't remember what), and neither was I feeling the least bit of a sexy siren! And from the snores coming from beside me (terkejut kejap, like "who's that?") my husband wasn't up for anything "exciting" either!

So much for strategies and plans huh?

I did discover though, eventually, sometime between that glass of water and dawn, that lace and fancy stuff do not work on ALL men unlike what these girlie magazines and my girlfriends say. Some men, like it and some, as I have discovered…don’t even notice you’re wearing em.. but will love you anyway.

Now, 5++ years after that fateful day, I still entertain ideas of dressing up some nights, and hope it will somehow, some day be noticed and appreciated. Maybe next time I should add a lil jig before it all, maybe then, he might notice.

Hmmm..maybe?

Job Thoughts

2005-07-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

It was a very busy week in the office indeed. At one point it became too stressful that I had to let off some steam, relax, step back and think of where this “career” of mine is heading. My FAQs on this are normally these:

1. What do I see myself as, in 10 years from now?
2. What do I hope to have achieved in 10 years from now?
3. Would I regret having stayed at my current job for so long, 10 years from now?
4. If I do stay at this job for another, say 10 years, how would I turn out financially?
5. At the end of my life, what would I have wanted to achieve? And would that be achieved if I stay in the “corporate world”, like what I am doing now?

I question myself these, normally at about 5.30pm, when the office is almost empty, when almost everyone has left, and yet..yours truly has to stay and complete unfinished tasks or attend meetings, still. Gazing out of my window, looking out at the beautiful lake beyond and the golf course not too far out, I feel a pang of jealousy when care-free jet-skiers whiz by in sexy swimwear (and loook so goood), that I pray that they “fall!fall! yes! fall!” * evil witch Anedra-me* (and when they do, I jump up and clap!clap!). It gets worse when I see through the binoculars that I have stashed in my drawers, golfers lazily walking on the smooth green beyond the lake, laughing and chatting as though they have nothing else in the world to think about, no deadlines to meet, no company targets to achieve, blah blah *boring stuff * blah blah, like poor old me!

So, I’ve asked myself many a times, what would I do if I were to quit my job? Me, being me, I still would have to work or else I’m sure I’ll end up a Desperate Housewife Malaysian version…but not a job that takes me 12 hours a day away from home..and yet a job which I find equally satisfying (my demented brain thinks that current job is still a “one in a million” kinda job! Gotta go rehab! Perhaps it’s something they put in then coffee they make me everyday!)

At my daily half hour sessions at Ely's Kedai Kopi with my lovely gal pals Ely and OODy, we have discussed these issues. We asked ourselves, what would we do as “alternative jobs”..jobs that require no brains (maybe a wee bit of brains) and not so stressful. After a few minutes of discussion, now I know, I can rely on these girls to turn my life around. Really. This is what we came up with:

Waitress
Kindergarten Teacher but only for singing and play-time classes
McDonald’s Crew
Starbucks Barista (we’re so perasan we think Starbucks will take Old Dames like us)
Security Guard
Dog/Cat Walker

See, these women are geniuses, which is why I love em so much! …and you can see that we are not so ambitious that we don't wanna become millionaires or anything like that although we wanna go shopping every other week and go listen to music and go karaoke and have tea parties. Maybe we really think that money will fall on our laps from nowhere..just enough for us to achieve what we want without distressing our beloved hubbies!! Oh well! Next time I will remember to add the word “sane” to the “no brains” job that we’re looking out for! Plus, it would be good if the job is related to something we are passionate about; and to quote my COO, "work with passion" and I’ll add “for passion” to that!

But seriously, as I do not intend to see myself climbing the corporate ladder like some think I will (Dad, if you’re reading this... Sorry! I’m not going for a CEO/COO position in 10 years despite what you think but thanks for "believing in me" anyway!), I do need to seriously think of what I want to achieve from this life of mine. I do not want to be spending 80% of my waking hours in an office, working for people and in traffic jams for a purpose that is not all too clear with me except for the not-so-fat paycheque I take home every end of each month. I do want fulfill my duty to the human race and society, somehow, because I think I am capable and sane enough to do so…and I would like to die having left something more than money, if any, behind for the people I care for. And like my kedai kopi host says, probably do something that I never thought I’d ever do in my life like, errr…cat/dog walking? Except in my case it’ll probably be walking around with old people instead of animals as I am a natural “penggeli haiwan”!

So, it is weekend already, and I am still entertaining thoughts of a job different from what I am doing now. My management must have read my mind from the frowns persistently on my face and have cushioned the distress with some rasuah in the form of my bonus! Yippppeeee! But still, like I said, seriously, I’ve got to figure life out and what I want to have achieved from it.

So tell me o wise blog friends. Any ideas on a sane job that doesn’t require so much brains?? Ok lah.. I don’t mind using my brains once in a while! Something that pays enough for a twice monthly shopping spree (and we’re not even talking boutique shopping but if can, better lah!), teh tarik sessions, once in a while live music sessions with my pals OODy and Ely and anybody else that wants to come!

Tell me lah, ok?

Ps. Ian Wright – if you’re reading this, please resign from your job at Globe Trekker on Discovery Travel and Adventure. Actually, it’s YOUR job I want!…and, errrr…call me!

Ops Tukar Garden 2005

2005-07-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

As usual, I'm out of ideas on what to write. So let me update you on our latest project at home - Ops Tukar Garden 2005.

The background of this is this. We woke up one weekend morning to find that our garden, out of neglect, was already half dead, if not dead. The grass was brown, flowers all lifeless and shrivelled up, and our palm trees left with just, almost stumps and no leaves blowing with the wind. Ugly..it was ugly.

Whilst I can normally close one eye to this eye-sore since I'm at home only nights most of the time and especially since I'm no Mrs Greenfingers and neither am I, Ms Gardening Enthusiast, my N or what I call (affectionately?) my "Mr Tak Puas Hati", just couldn't take it. Just like how he can't take defects in anything in the house and therefore we have people bertukang-ing in house perpetually every other day changing this and that...

So, N launched his Ops Tukar Garden a month back, which was completed two weeks ago. He replaced almost everything, the grass, the palms and reshuffled those plants which were still alive to different parts of the garden. Ok lah, ok lah..to put the records straight, my hero did not do this with his bare hands of course. We had lots of help on this project.. Me? My role was tukang buat air saja..

After two weeks, this is the results.

Tengku Armin our resident rabbit

Well, I think he did a good job..and we have a greener garden, for now. N is happy, the children are happy, I am happy, my bibiks are happy and even our resident rabbit, Tg Armin, is happier as he has a greener playground and live, healthy plants to nibble on now. I'm just praying hard that it'll stay green for at least the next three years or so, or else, N will go on another change-out frenzy. At the rate he's going, only God knows what he'll want to change out next. Oh well..as long as he's happy!

Jangan dia pikir nak "change-out" bini sudah lah ya? ;p

Toilet oh Toilet

2005-07-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the loo at the office this morning minding my own business when suddenly, my feet were splashed by some water by the person at the next stall! It very well pissed me off, especially since I had to walk back to my office with the bottom part of my pants all wet with god-knows-what-water.

This was not the first time. I often find our toilet stalls wet from wall to wall with water. Hey, I know, accidents happen..but not everyday!! While I understand and practise cleansing myself with water after my daily business in the loo, I just cannot fathom why we can't keep our toilets clean, dry and smelling fresh like others. If I had my way, I'd be standing there with my arms crossed and a big frown on my face, telling people to wipe the toilets dry after use and flush and pick up scattered toilet paper and ....ohhh..the list is endless!!! But I don't want to appear to be so busybody lah, so not cool, isn't it? Plus, I have a job to go to!

While I note that generally there is a large improvement in the cleanliness of our public toilets, we Malaysians still have a long way to go. In some places, you know you are near a toilet just by breathing in the stench-ridden air in the area. In many others, toilets do not flush properly or do not have water supply and do not have toilet paper, resulting in too-disgusting-to-even-step-in-although-desperate toilets. When faced with these toilets, I just tahan, hold it in and pray I don't sneeze, or else......

I also note that many of us do not have the habit of washing our hands after using the toilet. According to Oprah Winfrey, a good way to know whether your hands have been properly cleansed after using the loo is to sing Happy Birthday while washing your hands. So friends, sing away! Apparently, the time taken to sing Happy Birthday is just about the right amount of time you need to spend washing your hands to make sure it is really clean. Oh, and did you know that wiping the toilet seats (especially wet ones) will only spread the bacteria all over the seat? Its just as bad as taking the toilet water and splashing it all over the seats? The solution - disinfectant wipes. And why I make a fuss over wet toilet floors? Wet toilet floors breed bacteria and are a major source of infections and spread common viruses like flu and colds etc. Geddit?

What we need to do is to start instilling these values from a young age at school and make it a culture within our children. I haven't been to a Malaysian school for a long time but I do remember when I was about 7 years old and having visited my school toilet for the first time. I held my breath, stepped in for about 2 seconds and ran out!! It was too teruk to even attempt. In the end, I couldn't hold it in any longer, so I leaked in class instead! (ok, I don't encourage THAT either)

I do hope though, that school toilets have changed. We definitely need to teach our children how to use toilets properly. Just like how the dental nurses used to come and teach us how to brush our teeth the right way. Its a daily thing we do, and equally important as brushing our teeth, so why not?

Lets teach them to be able to wash themselves properly without having to wet everybody else in the toilets with them. Lets make sure that our toilets are properly equipped with the right necesseties like handtowels, hand soap, functioning hoses etc..etc..and yes, lets sing Happy Birthday while washing our hands!

I'm not saying that my toilet habits are perfect, nor am I implying that the toilets in my house are so clean that you could sleep on the floors. Its just that, this is basic hygiene and it is important to maintain a certain standard of cleanliness if we want to be healthy people. In addition, many of us, including myself have travelled to different countries abroad and have seen that to have clean toilets is not all that hard. Even if we look in our own country, there are pretty "okay" toilets, like the ones in KLCC and Jusco in Megamall. We know that this can be done. So why not??

Tell me then.. How do we move forward?? Which Minister or Ministry do I write to to fight my cause?? (eh-chewah) How do we get our fellow Malaysians to be more conscious and cautious of their toilet habits?

I really want to have this done, especially before I turn 50-60ish. Cos at that age, I won't have the muscle strength to tahan for so long and I can't go leaking away all over KL! Or shall I just?

*****
Diet Update
After a miserable two weeks of dieting, the results - an equally miserable 0.5kg of weight loss which I am convinced is a result of the visit to the loo, before I weighed myself. I sometimes dream that I will wake up one morning to a fine, slim and fit new ME. Sigh..the blobs are still there. Miracles don't happen do they?
Nevertheless, I shall FOCUS and I shall PERSEVERE! :(

Excuse Me, Can I Go To Marie France Puh-Lease??

2005-07-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

The week has been absolutely monotonous.. the usual 5 day week at work, bantering and negotiating of contracts with Clients that used to be the highlight of my job to me, no longer seems mind stimulating as it used to. It's all so predictable, we propose something, they say its expensive lah, mind-boggling lah etc, etc.. then we play tarik tali, one day they pull to their side and we pull back..until its sorted as expected. It's a love-hate relationship..they need us, we need them. No matter what! So, finally wrapped up next years's contract with a Client. Now have to cross fingers and pray (HARD) that we make money out of it; which seems so hard to do these days. Oh well..can't control everything can I?

Anyways, for lack of better things to write, lemme update the rest of the G.Is on how my diet has been this week. Oh yes, I have been serious about it..especially after looking at the void in Atenah's jeans in one of her postings recently. I thought.."I gotta go get me some of that!"..referring to her lovely slim thighs! How lah?? Plus..I have been getting hints from my dearest and nearest N, that something has to be done about my legs, bums and tums...or are those pinches that he's been giving me in those areas a sign of approval, and that they're hey-OK? Errr.. don't think so!

So, after some help from the BMI link in Nazrah's blog, I found out that I need to lose some 3-4 kilos. Make it 5 kilos for safe measure; and I want some tone in my legs and upper arms, ya know what I mean?

A trip to Carrefoure on Monday sorted out my diet for the week. It was grilled fish, chicken and vegetables for me this week accompanied by air asam and Lingams' Chilli Sauce or kicap with cili padi and lime. Strictly no rice for dinner. For lunch, rice only twice this week, yong tau foo and a steamboat lunch on Saturday (that's ok isn't it?). Fruits as snack, maybe some keropok in between, and I made sure that I only go to bed at least three hours after my last meal. Man! This is hard!

Exercise?? This is the hard one! Only managed to come about exercising this morning. Jogged (and huffed and puffed) two rounds around the KLCC park at 8.00 a.m while the kids played away on the swings and slides! Lacking on that one, I know. Have resolved to pay a visit to the office gym at least three times this week! Insya-Allah!

The results for the week? Ooooh, I still dare not look! My weighing scale is still stored somewhere, hidden from my last frustration from weighing myself months ago!! I will have to muster up some courage and weigh myself next Sunday. We'll see, and I shall update. Anyhow, for this week, not much progress..it's ONLY been one week right?? Or am I supposed to expect a miracle or some sort of divine intervention?? I guess not! Tummy and bum are still wobbling away, thighs still look anak gajah-like and legs are sore like hell now. All that said, I do feel healthier. Discipline. That's what it takes..and patience. That's what I don't have!

Is a quick-fix allowed in this regime? Wanna go Marie France lah!

Sigh..where's my bonus when I need one?

ps. To the rest of my G.I Jane sisters - Go! go! GO!!! You can do it!!

Glorious Essex Days!

2005-06-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was taken for a trip down memory lane two Sundays ago when I received a surprise long distance phone call. Normally, when a person’s first words to me are “Oi! A**hole! Where have you been?”, I’d reply with some profanities from my own dictionary. But, it was Rose, my flatmate-capati maker-cook-confidante-lookalike of three years from my Essex Days. So instead, I shrieked with joy, instantly recognizing her voice. And, off we went catching up on lost time. There was much to say, since, after all, it’s been a good two years since I last heard from her!

The years I spent in Essex were, without a doubt the best three years of my life. I made great friends there, most of whom I am still in touch with till today. Many, of them I talk to once in two to three years (like Rose) but whenever we do talk, we could talk for what seems like forever! To add to my list of friends I was reunited with this month, yesterday, I was in touch with A.J a course-mate of mine for three years from Sri Lanka. He was one who used to camp at our flat to do assignments and to study. (Actually, he was just looking for someone who’d make tea for him!). It was fun then; even during every exam season! Exams usually fall every summer, and A.J would bring tubs of Haagen Dasz to our flat and we’d binge on ice cream while mugging! (hence, note the "tembam"ness in the photos!) There were a few others (Sam, KV, Asad etc etc) that later joined our study etc group. Oh, we had a whale of a time studying (ha!ha! Boleh percaya ke?)

When I think of Essex, I remember the days we spent in Colchester, a quaint, small university town where we used to lepak after classes. Our favourite haunt was Tilly’s, this little coffee shop in town that had this delicious iced-chicory coffee that tasted almost like cendol but minus the cendol. I also remember lazy Sundays spent walking to Wivenhoe, a pretty little fisherman’s village just 15 minutes away from our campus.

For more excitement and fun (and when duit scholarship masuk), we’d take a half an hour bus ride to Clacton-On-Sea, and spend some time at the Pier where they have fun rides or go dipping in the sea. Actually, only us Malaysians had the guts to go dipping in the freezing British sea. I wonder what the Brits around there thought about us then. Whateverrr! It was fun anyway

Essex was also known as a party uni. I won’t lie and say that I was so "baik" and that I never visited the dancehalls at uni. Those who studied in England probably know that, Essex is popularly known as THE partay uni of England (or so they claim) and “boasts” of parties every day of the week. Every Wednesday and Saturday, we’d have something (read: majlis tari menari) at the Students Union and on other nights there would be other events (read: majlis tari menari lagi) organized somewhere else and I did go once in a while to let off steam. Ok lah, I had my share of fun.. .and apparently, I was quite a d.a.n.c.i.n.g q.u.e.e.n according to some! *cough-COUGH! * Which is funny actually, when I think about it. Cos these days, I have no idea how to move to music anymore, much to my son’s dismay! I'm so out of it, and more like a kayu now! Well..it's time for change anyway..

BUT, BUT, BUT! To keep myself “balanced” and as to beringat as mom perpetually reminded me to then, I had my “sisters” and "brothers". These blessed souls, were the people from the Islamic Society whom we had discussions and Quran recitals with. They were a neat group. One sister whom I remember oh-so fondly of, is Sister Rafah Kayali, a Jordanese who has the purest and sincerest heart in the world. And such a strong woman too! She was like a “big sister” on campus. I was the more feminist one in the group. Always arguing on women’s rights in Islam. Whenever we had discussions with the brothers on campus, especially on Polygamy..I was always called to debate the issue. (Setakat itu je lah Ustazah Anedra boleh ceramah. Itu pun tunggang langgang. Lain, belum berapa pandai! )
the lovely sisters

Then of course, there was my Big Crush, for a certain someone called, S, a coursemate of mine who is Irish-Pakistani and had this broody look which is to die for! He was also a "brother"...and I helped him with our coursework (of course, I was more than happy to do so!) I think I possibly had this on-off crush on him throughout the three years. Sigh..my heart still flutters a little teeny weeny bit, whenever I see his photos. It was a silly CRUSH and went no further than that, though. S and I are still in touch till today and he is married now. Alhamdulillah... A.J brought him up in our conversation yesterday and was teasing me about it. You see, S was his house-mate for a while, and A.J knew what I was up to! Teee-heee-heee! Come to think of it, my monkey-crush on S was quite hilarious! Sighs.. Silly, silly me! The things we do at that age huh?
graduation day with mama and a blur aunty
Well, it’s been a good 8 years since we graduated in the summer of 1997. Rose is now the Head of Research in a local hospital in London, married with a daughter. A.J is now running his family’s gem business up in Sri Lanka, also married and expecting his first, this August, while Sam is married to a coursemate of ours, Aisha and they have a daughter. The rest of us are scattered all over the world, KV in Paris, S=Essex Crush is in London running his own business, Pash in the States is about to marry a CNBC reporter, and A in Canada is an Amway high-flyer!(?).
mom, dad and moi
If you had known us 8 years ago, you wouldn’t have seen much potential in us to be where we are today and what more as parents. We were this carefree bunch of students, always laughing and having the time of our lives each day. I can’t recall a day in Essex when I was feeling down (but then again.. I do suffer from extensive memory loss!). How free we were then, no worries, not much responsibility except to study (and exams were only once a year at that!).

Time really flies! Its such a wonder how we’ve “grown up” with time too! My Essex days were truly oh-so glorious. And the most glorious thing of all is that I met and made life-time friends while I was there.

I could go on forever talking about the good ol days. There are just so many feel-good stories to tell and so many friends that I have not mentioned in this post. I probably won't even ever manage to write it all down! So, I'll just keep those memories in my heart where it belongs.

I have to say, it was fun to walk down memory lane with Rose and A.J. Especially when we're older and more mature then we were the last time we met. I had a good laugh, and shed a few silent tears somewhere in between. It was good to catch up. It was GREAT. But the best thing about it was that we discovered that some friendships, like ours, do last forever.

C.H.E.C.K I.T. O.U.T!!!

2005-06-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

Check it out y'all!! My new banner is finally successfully installed!!!

MakNenek, I just love it! Thank you! Muah! Muah! I told Kak Teh..it's so me! How did you know?

Makcik Blur / KakTeh / Oteh, This is just so lovely! I am impressed!

So to the rest of you out there, I highly recommend this banner service. Customer satisfaction memang 100% guaranteed.

And as the Makcik Blur puts it "Gerenti Hepi, Kalau Tak Hepi..Blur!"

ps. KakTeh - sorry, tadi masa cakap got cut off..my battery kong!

I am going home a happy woman today! La! La! La!

A message for Dad

2005-06-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Our family has never celebrated Father's Day. And being the scatterbrain that I am, I even failed to notice that it was Father's Day last weekend. Someone pointed out through my last posting that it was Father's Day and I should write about the man in my life! Well then, I guess it's worth a shot.

So, here goes.

Dear Dad,

It's not that I do not want to write about you. But I am ashamed of my miserable way of writing. My words are SO NOT what a Professor of English would expect of his child! Plus, I have seen what other blog-people have written about their fathers. Such beautiful words have been said by the rest, to share their fathers with the rest of the blog world. I was afraid, I'd fail to describe how great a dad you have been, and thus, not bestow upon you the honour that you deserve for being such a superdeeduper dad, to me and my brother and my baby sister! There's also that ex-student of yours, who must have been an A-Star student, she writes so, so impeccably well! She puts me to shame, for I know, if she were put to task to write about you, she'd outshine me anyday! It did cross my mind that maybe I should outsource this posting to her. How leh??

Dad,
I don't remember much of my childhood. When I try to think about it, everything comes back fuzzilike in a blurry way (I inherited these genes from that MakCik Blur,you see), but whenever I go home and look at our family albums..I see that I was always smiling and forever laughing..So, I can only conclude that I was a very happy child and that I had a very merry childhood. Thanks to YOU and mama.

I also remember when I was offered a place at a boarding school down south. I couldn't contain my excitement! But, I could feel that you were hesitant to let me go, to be away from the family for the first time. I was persistent though..I still am quite stubborn huh? After much debate about it, you supported my decision in the end, and there we went taking that eight-hour drive down south. Mama told me later that you shed some tears on the way back..heheh! I didn't know you'd miss me that much! I missed you too..but, it turned out well in the end didn't it? I loved school Dad, it was fun. Thanks for letting me go.

I left you again when I was 19. This time, really far! Too far for you or mom to come rescue me, just in case I needed the occasional hugs from you. It wasn't too bad though, you were always just a phone call away. Plus..mama had that MakCik Blur on standby and she was really efficient too! And if I may indulge myself in some perasan a bit, you must have been proud to see your daughter follow your footsteps to go study all the way in the Land of the Queen. Aye?? It wasn't easy, I know, to let me go..but thanks dad, for letting me fly away, again.

Fast forward a few years later.

I know when I introduced N to you, you were quite-quite shocked. Yes..yes..he's bald and all, I know..But he's ok whaaaaat? Like Vin Diesel whaat.. Kan? Mama told you he looks like Dodi AlFayed... After that you were ok, a bit lah. I guess you weren't so impressed when he snored away throughout that theatre thing we went to watch together, huh? My fault, really. I should've known that theatre ain't N's forte!

I remember you summoning me to be your buggy driver while you went for a round of golf ,the evening N's family was to see us for dinner. I knew then, I was in for THE questioning of my life! You asked, "How sure are you of N??". I said, "I am sure of him" and murmured a weak, "we will be ok". After a few words of advise, and without the "killer" interrogation I was expecting, you gave me your blessing. As always, you trusted me with my decision, and did not continue fussing him with funny questions later that night, over dinner. Phew! Thanks Dad! And thanks to the blessings and prayers that you and mama have given us, I am very much a happily married woman today.

Now, I am a mother of two. I remember on my last birthday, when I turned 30, you gave me a hug and said " Is my little daughter really THIRTY??" (YES, Y'ALL. I AM THIRTY! ALREADY!). I may be older, Dad, but I enjoy these days most, when we can talk as adults and relate with each other on almost anything. I love the way my sons run and jump with joy whenever their Atok and MakTok come visit and see your eyes light up when you return their hugs! It fills my heart with a quiet sense of happiness that I can't describe with words! The boys are my presents to you and Mom. I guess, they're the best I can do for now as a "thank you gift" to you!

So, I hope Dad, it's not too late for me to wish you Happy Father's Day! Thirty years is a long time to wait for this! But then again, it's thirty years worth of celebration!

So, what do you say? Dinner on me? Again??
*wink-wink*

Love,
Your daughter ANEDRA

Mother of Mine

2005-06-17T04:25:00.000-07:00

Mama sounded really tired when she called me this evening. She and Dad had just arrived home from their week-long holiday at an island off the East Coast. They really have fun those two. Eversince Dad retired last year, they have been globe trotting everywhere. How nice eh?

Well, Mama being Mama, although she's on a holiday, she calls us all the time and it's as though she never left for the vacation! For instance, before she left for this trip, she called me to say, "Mama nak pergi dah ni.. We are about to leave the house"..with seribu pesanan. "Don't forget this, don't forget that.."

Then when she gets to their first stop, she'll call again. "Mama dah ada kat xxx ni. How are the boys?". I'd answer her questions, although in my mind I'd be saying "Oh, Mom!You only left ONE HOUR ago! Nothing could have possibly changed since!"

But she's like that. Can't leave the house for a holiday, one minute after stepping out of the house, she will rindu everybody already. My sons, me, my siblings, my aunts, my Tok, her plants etc..etc..

While she was on this holiday, like ALL her other holidays, she "sms"ed me ALL THE TIME to give me an update of what she and dad have been up to.

SMS FROM MOM15/6/2005 4.39pm :
Jogged dis morning - 3km. Now HIS caddy, BERJALAN! I'm soaking wet! Tak payah mandi laut!"

SMS FROM MOM 15/6/2005 7.09PM :
How are the boys? (referring to my sons)

SMS FROM MOM 16/6/2005 12.04PM:
After yesterday's marathon, hari ni jangankan nak jogging. Nak jalan ke toilet pun seksa!

SMS FROM MOM 16/6/2005 12.07 PM : (Note: just 3 minutes after the first on that day)
Holiday with your abah is no rest you know! Now dia ajak mandi laut! ADOIII!

Hehehe! I can just imagine those two going dipping in the sea..joints and muscles all aching! But they're so romantic, in a funny way I think!

And those sms are in addition to all the phone calls I get many times a day describing what they had to eat, telling me what dad had talked about that day, telling me what dad was craving to eat that day, etc, etc, etc! No matter where she is in this world..she will always update us every few seconds. That's Mama. (I think she may have wanted to become a reporter when she was younger! aye?)

She expects me and my siblings to do the same too. When I was not married, after work, she'd call just to make sure I was ok every now and then. (Actually, I suspect she wanted to see what I was up to!) Now, she has me as her back up. I suppose she wants to be "COOL MOM" now..so she gets me to do all the dirty work. "ANEDRA, call your brother, check what time he's coming home?" Mind you..my brother is already 29. And for my sis "Telephone xxxx, where is she now? Ask her which friend she is with?"

Sigh..Mama..mama..

I suppose, she's just like any other mother, always protecting her children. Always making sure we are ok. But of course now, in this day and age..must COOL a bit lah. Hence, ANEDRA is pulled into the business!

Please don't get me wrong. I write this with all the love for my Mama. She's got the biggest heart in this world always full of love for everybody she knows. And for us, her children, there's just nothing that she would not do for us. In short, she's DA BEST!!

I am a bit worried though that her reporter-like traits are slowly trickling down to me. For, every now and then, without Mama asking me to, I'd be doing spot checks on my brother and sister, not that they've been up to anything funny! And, they have noticed it too! They always say, "you're beginning to act like mama. always asking where we are..what time we will be back..what we are doing..who we are with etc.etc.." Oh, how they moan those two!!

Is it supposed to be this way?? It's scary isn't it?

I feel like a MakCik now (no offense Mom! errr..and the other Mak Ciks out there!).

But Mama's cool apa.. and I know I'm doing this for a REALLY good reason.

And to quote Mama, "I'm only doing this because I LOVE YOU"

Oh Mom....!!

Mak Cik Mind Reader

2005-06-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

There's this makcik I know; one that I have a special relationship with. You see, she reads my mind.

I'll tell you why.

Last night, I was having trouble going to sleep, thanks to that evil-evil cup of coffee that I foolishly made for myself before going to bed.

Sidetrack: I had fasted during the day, and I am one who cannot go through a day without my mug of nescafe. Well, sometime around 12 midnight, I remembered that I hadn't had my coffee. God forbid that I sleep without having that mug of coffee - pantang! So down to the kichen I went to bancuh my 3 in 1 Nescafe and gulped it before bed and thus, there went my sleep!

SO, back to that makcik.

As I was tossing and turning around, trying everything from counting sheep, to kicking N (to stop his snoring!), my thoughts drifted on stuff like the G.I Jane diet I have enrolled so bravely on, the holiday that I am dying to have, my expiring driver's license, my early retirement plan and what I should blog about this week. Then the phone rang at 1am with deliriously happy news that my baby cousin Wani, managed to secure a scholarship with MARA to become the first doctor in the family! And that MakSu (her mama and the makcik's younger sister) was all teary eyed with the good news! YAYYYYY!! Wani a doctor! That's my health plan secured!

Oh..ok, back to that MakCik.

I remember when I was about eight or nine years old, news of this makcik coming back was always such a big thing. My brother and I would have a countdown to the day that she'd arrive. There was once, she came back for a holiday, we were in the car and driving to Subang Airport to pick her up. We got there and waited but she never came out. We soon found out that we had gotten her flight details wrong and that she had flew in with an earlier flight and was already at her in-laws place in Gombak.

I was downright disappointed when my Dad told us that we'd just have to see the MakCik some other time and not that day. I sighed and sighed big elaborate dramatic sighs, till my Dad asked "What's the matter Anedra? Do you really have to see this MAkCik today??". I didn't answer, but went on sighing. Mom and Dad must have gotten real sick of my melo-drama that they decided to turn around and drive to Gombak instead. I was elated! And there she was with her luggage smelling of Londra full of goodies and always with an abundance of hugs and kisses and....pinches! Ouchhh!

There was this bond I felt, with this MakCik, which for me, was always special. And I suspect it is mysteriously connected with her doing my diaper changes when I was a baby. (Actually, she couldn't resist, I had a pretty cute bum, back then). And it is a bond I still feel today, at the ripe old age of thirty. Her return to us, every now and then is still much awaited, not only by us, her older nephews and nieces but even by the younger ones including her GRAND-NEPHEWS and GRAND NIECES. We are guaranteed days filled with laughter when she comes back, always entertained with her antiques, and oh, she even does a very sexy rendition of "I Will ALways Love You", which even causes my N to blush when he sees her at it!

This Makcik comes from the magnificent line of the wonderful aunts and uncles that I have. I will have to blog one day about my Mak Su and Pak Su, my Mak Tam and Pak Tam, my Pak Aji and Kak Nisa(who is actually an aunt, but more like a sister, hence the "KaK"), and my Pak Lang. Of course not to forget the Minang side of the family. My aunts and uncles have NEVER failed me and have been with me through thick and thin (not that I've been through SO much, though!). Even when I am now a mother of two, they are still there standing strong, supporting me (with emergency recipes for last minute guests, baju kenduri for pinjam etc etc) and the rest of the family through. I have always wanted to write about them,but with the diabolical writing skills I have, I feel I'd do them too much injustice.

So, why I say this makcik reads my mind?

Well, I couldn't think of any juicy love plots to blog about and suddenly, out of the blue, Pak Lang came to mind. He had left to work at some faraway exotic place recently, and I didn't call him to say goodbye the night he went, despite mama's persistent reminders. Last night, somehow, I thought of him, just before I dozed off to sleep. I saw him in Mama's kitchen, working away happily as he used too. I thought, "I'll tell a story about Pak Lang", my lonely Pak Lang in that far off place.

At 5 am in the morning, I got up to do some work. Naturally, I went bloghopping first, and lo and behold!! As though she knew I was thinking of it just hours before, the MakCik got to it, first. What a Mak Cik! I didn't know it was his birthday though. So here goes - Happy Birthday, Pak Lang! You're out of sight, but definitely not out of mind!

And as for that MakCik, if you don't know already, she's the one with the chocolates everybody loves.

She can definitely read my mind.

And, lucky me, she writes it better!

Booochiful People

2005-06-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, I would like to offer my sincere thanks to all of you kind bloggers out there who were willing to share with me your experiences and challenges in putting on the hijjab. I have to say that I was completely taken aback by the sincerity in the stories that were told, and the advise that was so unselfishly given and the precious prayers that were offered too.

Also, (waah..this is beginning to sound like the Emmy's!), a special thanks to Blabarella, MassyLassy and MakNenek for putting up stories for me in their blogs (please go visit them. The stories are grrrreat!) ! And lastly,My Oteh for the heck of it (oooops, for teaching me how to linkmengelink, for showing me this lovely world of beautiful bloggers and for always being there when I need a good laugh!) I am touched to bits and I don't know how to thank you, ALL OF YOU, enough. You can be sure though, that I shall take all that has been said and shared, with me in the days to come and that InsyaAllah, that fine day shall come where ANEDRA shall embrace the hijab.

What I have learned though from this one week, is this.

There is just so much we can learn from each other and that it's just so unbelievably amazing, that people who do not know me, are so generously offering me their thoughts and cheering me on, in days where I seem to be lost and my mind entangled in confused jumbles.

It just affirms my belief, that you faceless-bloggers (and some not so faceless) out there are just such BEAUTIFUL people.

And for that, I applaud you and shall hold you dear in my heart and blog always!...and if it sounds logical, please accept a big-big cyber hug from me in return.

And for those of you who are not anonymous or don't want to maintain anonymous, we go makan someday ok?

Show Me The Way

2005-06-07T02:12:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make and I am not sure whether I should blog about this. In fact, if this doesn't turn out right, I may just delete this entry somewhere along the way. I just felt that I have wise blogger mates out there that could shed some light on this issue thats been nudging and bugging my conscience for a while.

BACKGROUND:
I turned 30 this year. Five years ago, I gave myself an objective, that in 5 years I would put on a tudung / hijjab.

I still haven't.

ISSUE
My question to myself every other day for the past five years is this... And it's actually very very personal really. What does it take for me to make this step? What more do I need to do take this step? What more am I waiting for in life and from God to take this step?

Looking at my current lifestyle, there should not be anything to hold me back. I don't go disco dancing nor do I do stuff that would be strange for a woman in hijjab to do. I do all the other Islamic stuff that's required ie. pray 5 times a day, fast, zakat etc..etc. And..I do not wear short skirts or revealing outfits anymore, so that shouldn't be an issue either. On top of that, I am no crook (despite the bombs etc), I am a rather "decent" person with no bad intentions on the human race.

SO WHAT'S HOLDING ME BACK??

Somehow, taking this step seems to be scary. Really scary! In a BIG BIG way!

How many of you out there have felt this and overcome this?

Do me a favour and tell me how you did it, if its something you can share.

Because, I'd really like to know.

Intan Payung Permata Hati

2005-06-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

My baby N last night said a new word, "Nak Susu". I know that's nothing to shout about for a three year old. Others his age are probably capable of telling stories and speaking multi-languages by now. Not my baby (due to a development delay which I shall not elaborate on, as I have already) , but that's okay.

my baby N

When he said those two words, I felt like rushing off to do a sujud syukur. To thank the Almighty for this precious gift. Unfortunately, it's the time of the month and that wasn't possible, so I said a silent prayer, kissed my baby a million times and said "good job!" to him so many times, that in the end he looked puzzled!

when they were younger

Although Baby N's vocabulary is something like 15 words and the rest babbles and mystery sounds, he is an affectionate and expressive boy. Despite his shortcomings in speech, his brother, my N Junior seems to understand him well. Baby N only needs to squeak or babble some strange words to the brother and N Junior will come to me to say "Mama, adik wants some milk" or "Mama, adik says he wants to watch Barney", "Mama, adik says he wants a Game Boy and a Power Rangers VCD" (yeah right, nice try!) or whatever else. I used to think that N Junior was making things up and was using his brother as an excuse to getting things that he wanted. I used to tease N Junior and say "are you sure adik said ALL that??" and he'd innocently say "Yes, he told me just now!" . Funnily enough, Baby N seems to be happy with all the responses to his brother's requests to us. Could it be possible, that N Junior understands him?

N Junior as a baby

My eldest, N Junior is a very friendly child, very sociable and very much a "people" person. I sometimes wonder whether he is ever disappointed by the fact that his brother can't speak to him and have brotherly chats (on whatever children their age talk about!). I asked him once and my instincts were right. He is a bit disappointed but always, in the true manner of a big brother says "it's ok mama, nanti Dr C will teach adik" referring to Baby N's speech therapist.

I would consider getting pregnant and have another baby so that perhaps N Junior will have a sibling to talk to and so that perhaps, that will push Baby N to want to talk. You think that would work? Or would it work the other way around?

Wallahualam.

Despite all this, I am glad that N Junior is strong and very patient with his brother. I have such great support from my eldest. He is always so forgiving of his brother and is always there to teach and coach his sibling tirelessly. He even helps out with Baby Ns home therapy, that I now proudly call him my little co-therapist!

I have to say, that motherhood has got to be the most fulfilling thing that I have ever done and although my boys are far from perfect, I am a very proud mom. (I know..I know..which mother isn't proud of her children!) I am embracing everyday with hope (for Baby N) and end each day full of gratitude that God has given me my babies.

It's so much fun watching the boys grow, that I sometimes stop and wish they'd just stop growing for fear they will someday not want to be smothered with my kisses and someday stop wanting to hear the bedtime stories I have for them. I know now why people say they'd kill or die for their children because, I would.

In the car yesterday, N Junior said, "Mama, adik wants me to sing my song" (and that's ALL RISE by BLUE), so we turned on the CD and he went singing away. Baby N laughed all throughout the brother's rendition of the song. I wondered, "How does N Junior do it? Does he really understand his little brother?". I guess I have a lot to learn from my son. Perhaps God sent Baby N to us to show us how strong N Junior is, and in turn bring out the strengths in our own selves. He's so special. They both are.

These boys are my world.

And what a beautiful world it is.

Superwoman And the Telephone

2005-05-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

Here we go again..

Yes please boss, just keep em coming, just load the damn pile on my desk and yes, I can do everything AND everything and no thank you, I don't need a break. Nor do I need any assistance of any kind whatsoever. Oh by the way, I don't sleep at night, So yes, you can call me anytime. Oh, please, yes please..give me more to do. Because, just as you think, I am Superwoman.

!!!!!!

I am, at wits end with my workload. I have a proposal to send to a client due tomorrow which I am near completing except that I think the proposal is CRAP. I have another proposal due in 20 days for an overseas project, of which I have only been briefed on to-f***ing-day and which requires me to be in Singapore every other week, till that day and as whip cream and cherries on top, they announce that right after that, I have another proposal to work on which is due July 15th. Work with passion, they say. M.Y F.O.O.T!

How lah? How lah? How do I do this???? We are short of people and there's just so much to do! But the fact is, as much as I'd like to help save the company (and the day), I only have two hands, two feet, 1 brain and like others, only 24 hours are granted by the Almighty, to moi in one day. I am at a complete dead-end. I know I have to plan stuff and strategize my work but my brain has gone solo and decided to shut down at mid-day. SO I guess, the only other best thing to do right now is to blog.

I do think though that I am beginning to lose some nerves, and with it, my normal sanity level has disappeared. I have, over lunch, contemplated a job in McDonalds, but N argued that Burger King is better, N Junior thinks I'd do well at the zoo, which is just behind our home, to be specific. He wants me to be the zoo train driver! The only other job that I would like is to be a receptionist, cos talking on the phone is always fun isn't it? But alas, I do think my phone manners are a bit off and I do have a bit of history (and I'm not speaking in terms of "glory") in the field.

Just yesterday, I was negotiating some terms over the telephone with one of our major vessel suppliers. He was, to me rather unreasonable, so after the conversation ended, I spoke my mind aloud saying, "a**hole" referring to him. That would have been ok, if only I had remembered to put down the phone first! I am praying hard that he didn't hear or else I am sure he'd wish for lightening to strike me someday!(remember to count to ten, ANEDRA, everytime after you put down the phone. THEN, curse to high heaven if ya like!)

The day before, I was on the phone with a Japanese counterpart and I was standing as I spoke to him. What's with these Japanese I don't know, it's either they are overly polite, or they think we are deaf that they have to repeat their thank yous over and over again. Yesterday's conversation with this Japanese friend was no different and ended with a million thank yous.

JapanFriend : Thank you Ms ANEDRA
Me: Thank you too.
JapanFriend: Thank you
Me: Ok
Japan Friend: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Me (at the same time): Ok. You're welcome. No problem. Yes. Fine. Yes. Ok. Yes. sayonara.

And finally, i just slammed the phone down on him, or else it would've never ended! The thing is, all the while through the thank you's I could imagine him bowing at me ala Japanese style. And the thing IS, I was all the time PHYSICALLY and actually bowing down profusely, to my PHONE! I guess I was not imagining it when I saw my colleagues giggling away outside my room!!

Actually, come to think of it, this is nothing new. Many, many years ago while I was still studying, I was called back by the company that sponsored my studies to work during the summer. So, it was normal then for us the kuli-macai to do everything and anything (I suspect, for preparation to become Superheros at the workplace later), as they instructed us to. I found myself one day at the reception table, greeting visitors and answering telephones. The job was pure bliss, I tell you. For not only was I able to answer phones, I could also catch up on my reading which at that time, was romance novels.

One fine day, I was engrossed in one romance novel, the kind that you just can't put down. I was at the very climax of the story, at the point where the male hero was about to pop THE question; when the phone rang. My mind was still on the book and also on auto mode (again), so, I picked up the phone and answered, "Good afternoon, XXX Berhad. WILL YOU MARRY ME?" There was a long pause on the other end. I only realised what I had said, seconds later, but it was too late. The man on the other end cleared his throat, and said "errr..Thank you, but I don't think my wife would be very happy if I accepted".

So, I guess my reputation as a receptionist is not that good. And of course, it has been market talk since that, "She has some "history"! So here I am, doing bl**dy proposals and everything and everything else that no one else can or wants to do. Complain all I want. Choices I have, but it is also by choice that I am here. The fact is, I love this place, I love my work most of the time but not today and it is highly possible that I signed my contract in blood. Thus, with this ship I shall sail and with it I shall sink too!

Oh well, back to work it is then!

Just a thought. If I have to be Superwoman, can I please wear the suit too??

Of Lazy Bums and Smelly Arm Pits

2005-05-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

My sons love LRT rides. When we are out of ideas on what to do during the weekends, we just take them on the LRT from one end of the line to the other, and they will be happy till the next weekend.

Last weekend, we took the LRT again. This time with more purpose and objective; ie to teach our Bibik how to take the LRT to KL Sentral and switch to the Komuter, all the way to where Bibik's hubby is for her monthly weekend off.

This train ride however, was not so pleasant. While we normally are very early to take the LRT, last week, due to last minute plans, we were stuck right smack with the weekend crowd.

I noticed that the advertisement on teaching "masyarakat Malaysia" to be more "perihatin", was not so untrue and that Malaysians still have a lot to learn. There we were, 5 of us, Bibik 1, Bibik2, Me, my 4 year old, N junior and 3 year old, Baby N. In western countries (I normally HATE to use western countries as examples), when people see such an "entourage"; people would immediately get up and offer their seats, like its the most propoer thing to do, just like brushing your teeth in the morning. To my dismay, the Malaysians that I am normally so proud of are not like our Western friends. Good manners, on the LRT, I am horrified to announce is NON-EXISTENT.

We got on a coach at the Setiawangsa Station, that was packed to the brim that there were hardly any poles and rails or whatever to hold on to. All the seats were taken by healthy looking Malaysians, who looked like they were capable of standing up and opening their mouths to offer us seats. And yet, they just looked at us non-chalantly, and I know they were looking cos I could see them glancing at us from the corner of their eyes. (And I bet in their minds, they were could see re-runs of that LRT advert on TV). I would have liked to think and believe that the LRT commuters were all blind and that they could not see us, but that's not true, they might as well have been though! No one offered us seats, and no one offered us poles to hang on to and we ended up doing our level best trying to stand, trying out balancing acts, so that we wouldn't end up flat on our faces in the KL LRT.

I felt utterly and downright disgusted. Is this the masyarakat penyayang that Malaysia has been harping about? Is this is our Vision 2020? We should have wardens on those LRTs with a rotan. Yes, just give those lazy asses a whip or two, teach them a lesson. Better still, we should have those electric-buzz-shocker things and get some wardens buzz-shock people off their seats for being so inconsiderate.

In the end, just like in the advert, an old Chinese lady stood up, walked up to us and offered Baby N and Bibik a seat. We were just one stop away from KL Sentral, so we declined, thanked her and got off.

I am not done.

WHAT'S WITH THE SMELL????

On the same ride, I was stuck right smack under the arm pit of some man (which is normal, due to my rather "petite" height), who smelled as though he hadn't taken a bath for two months. This was not the first time. I have had many experiences like this, not only in LRTs but in the office, at the malls....everywhere! I know it's a hot country and I know that to sweat is only human. But someone invented deodorants for a reason and Malaysians need to discover the use of it!! Normally, when I am stuck in such situations, I'd move places, switch seats to some place where I can breathe. But this time, I had no where to run! I just held my breath for what seemed like the longest time and prayed that he'd get off soon. He did, but the smell seemed to linger on and for the rest of the day, I had to nurse a really bad migraine.

N Junior, was less tolerant than I was and being "loud" as he is; he just said "HEY MAMA, WHY SO SMELLY? WHAT'S THIS SMELL???" very loudly, while BABY N just scrunched up his nose, looking very, very ill. (I know..I know.. I have to teach N Junior better manners!)

As I write this, I can still smell, the smell of the LRT man. He is not the only one for there are millions of others out there who need to be "educated" on this. How do we teach our people to make an effort to smell nicer?

Maybe our government should make deodorants a free-issued thing? Maybe we should include this as part of the curriculum in schools?? Maybe, the next time I take an LRT ride, I'll bring some spray-type deos and a rotan with me in absence of my electric-buzz-shocker-tool.

Can someone please tell me where I can buy an electric-buzz-shocker-thing??

Buzz!Buzz!

When I Was 64

2005-05-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

It was 8.30pm when I called Dad today. When I spoke to him over the phone, he was talking about some Beatles song, he even sang a line of it, but forgot and is now looking for the lyrics. I've never heard of it..but of course, what do you expect??? BEATLES what?? Same as that what Humperdink-thing fella? Same generation, left with the sixties?

Anyways, I looked through the web, and I think this was what Dad was looking for!

WHEN I AM SIXTY FOUR
When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

You'll be older too,
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride,
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

Every summer we can rent a cottage,
In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera Chuck & Dave.

Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.
____________________________________________________________________________________

And I WILL Feed you Dad - DINNER tomorrow night, ON ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!!

Lots of love, love, love

Oh Duck!

2005-05-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, in the morning operations meeting at the office, Our Project Director, Mr. C, announced that swearing shall be allowed, in the interest of stress release. As a bit of background to the office where I work, it is one where you find 90% men 10% women and where most of us are of offshore background ie. sea-men, captains,offshore engineers etc..etc.. And we are in the midst of big-time operations offshore and stress level is at an all time high.

When I joined the company 5 to 6 years back, swearing was unheard of; at least in front of us ladies. It was a time when the office was still relatively small and we were relatively new in the industry and the team comprised 99% Malaysians and 1% foreigners. We still had a lot of Asian values then, no swearing and very polite.

Things are a bit different now. Why? Well, we have grown into a big set up. Probably the biggest of its kind in Malaysia. And with growth, more Mat Salleh's came in, Mr C included (disclaimer: despite the F words, Mr C is nice) bringing in change that was needed and the four letter word, that was NOT needed

Now back to Mr C's little announcement. So, it's not unusual these days that we hear that four letter word in the office. The women folk still don't use it...in public. But for the men now, it is norm.

So now we find ourselves in morning meeting with discussions that sound atrociously vulgar. For example:

Chairman : So how was our progress yesterday?
Head of Ops: Not too good. Waiting on F***ing weather again.
Mr C : F***. And did the flanges we order arrive on time?
Mr Procurement : F***. Don't look at me. It took a F***ing long time for the project team to make a F***ing decision.
Mr C : I told you to buy the F***ing flanges anyway.
Project Manager : Oh, f*** it.
Me (in my mind) : What the F***?

One comes out from those meeting all fired up either in a good or bad way, meaning either more stressed or less stressed. I don't see how this swearing thing works in stress relieving and what positive value it adds to our working days. It could possibly be that the sayer (person saying it) relieves stress, but those listening just get all worked up for no reason! Well, at least we, in the office, are of a younger generation and we're more or less tuned to this sort of language. I can just imagine my mother sitting in one of those meetings. She'd just faint a million times over! She thinks that "SHIT" is a bad word! But then again, she thinks that "footsie" = "futsal"?? (ha!ha! but I'll blog about that later!)

Unfortunately, yours truly has been infected by the F*** virus too. I am what you could call a closet swearer. I swear when I am on my own, rarely in front of people as long as I can help it. (Not an excuse, I know..) I have been around these men too much for far too long, I think. And I suppose, I can't keep it closeted for so long, for I have also fallen victim to the "melatah" illness. So instead of going "OPOCOT!!!", I go "OH F*** F***!" these days. N thinks its cute, he's one of the offshore men anyway, he just would think its cute wouldn't he?

I have to stop though cos N Junior has picked up this language from me. We were in the car one day and I drove over a big pothole and said "Oh F***!". N Junior said, "What's F*** Mama?" I was stunned for a while and felt so bad for teaching my four year old the four letter word. I told him, he was imagining things and that I never said anything, for lack of a better excuse. He was a bit suspicious though and kept bringing it up during the rest of the day.

I told my sister this and she said "Apalah you kakak! Just say that you said "DUCK"!"
I thought that was a pretty sane thing to do, and in an effort to change, then on, I started saying "duck" instead of F***. So, it was "Oh Duck! , Duck Off!, What the Duck?, Where's the Ducking whatever?, Let's duck!! (ha!ha! joking only lah!)

I thought this "duck" thing worked until, one day, I dropped a cup at home and shouted "OHHH DUCK!".

N junior comes running and excitedly says "WHERE?? WHERE??" hoping, of course, to find a real duck wandering in the kitchen.

I was dumbfounded. I'd better stop "ducking" around! AND..remind me never to listen to my little sister again!

SO, what do I say to N Junior? I didn't say anything then, there was this "blank" look on my face. I guess, he'll learn eventually, the hard truth, about life, you know, that Barney is not really a purple dinosaur and that he doesn't really exist, that real people cannot be Power Rangers and that when Mama says "Duck!" she really means....errr.."F***"?

Gasak lah.

Kan?

NYs Wedding

2005-05-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

When I was at NY's nikah reception a few weeks back , I was somewhat a little in a daze by the person that she has become. It took us an hour before we could congratulate and snap photos with her cos she was surrounded by hords of reporters and photographers the whole time. I was a in a bit of a shock then, and after that experience, I should have been prepared for the next reception, but, I definitely, was not!

The wedding venue was swarming with reporters, TV personalities, VIPs etc. As I stepped into the beautifully decorated garden, I almost had to pinch myself a few times to convince myself that it was all for real, that I was really at NY's wedding and that NY has become something of a personality, ie. she has fans and she is famous.

The whole time, I was sitting there, it seemed unreal. Could it be that NY, one of my best buddies from school was really now a celebrity, an idol to some?

MW, me and Jar

It was a beautiful night though and I was in good company. MW (my other best buddy) Jar, a lifetime friend, both from Tun Fatimah days and I had promised to sit together and we had a great laugh reminiscing on the good ol days at school. Watching NY walk down the aisle, none of us could believe it was her. A girl who once had out of fashion permed hair AND braces. Something like duckling turned into a beautiful swan! That night, NY looked radiant and beautiful, almost like a princess. She looked perfect, in fact.

I somehow wish though that the wedding was a more personal one. One where perhaps, NY could possibly spend more time catching up with friends and family. But that's just me. It was of course, perhaps, the most beautiful wedding I've ever been too and I do hope most importantly, that NY got the wedding of her dreams!

N and I

N said, towards the end of the night, "do you think you'll have to fight through the crowd to get a picture with your NY?" Me: "I don't know, but this doesn't look promising.." (yeah..it took an hour before and the crowd was much much smaller then!!)

I did, however, get a photo and a hug from NY in the end.

As we hugged I said "You look so beautiful!"
NY said " It's all makeup. It's really just me underneath"

I went for a second hug before I left the stage. If I could, I would have hugged her for an hour longer, for old times sake, and for whatever else, cos I really don't know when I'll see her again...or even whether I will have a decent conversation with her in the next 10 years or so. Some people tell me to just watch her on TV to lepaskan rindu but that doesn't compensate. If I could.. I'd wrap up NY and MW and put them in bag to carry with me wherever I go! But that's insane lah kan?

Later, after a night if great talking and laughter, I hugged and kissed MW and Jar goodbye, I reflected on what NY said earlier. What she said wasn't all that right. Yes, it was a lot of makeup, the only thing is, she really is beautiful, inside and out. And she will always be so.

SO to NY, here's to a wonderful life of wedded bliss and may we see many, many little NY and Aidid juniors coming your way soon!!!

And...thanks for letting us be the first to take photos with you!

Next time we meet, I'll need an autograph!

the raja sehari

Girls, would you tell??

2005-05-16T04:57:00.000-07:00

Since we're on the subject of relationships, I have a question for you ladies out there. An interesting sms came my way a few months back with this question.

"If you knew that your friend's husband was cheating on her, would you tell her?"

It took me a while to digest and then respond to this question. As usual, I'd put myself in the poor lady's shoes. Would I want to know or would I not? Should I want to know and then were told, what would I do? If I did not ever know, would I miss out on anything?

I have never been able to imagine N cheating on me. We're really high on trust. And (simpang malaikat) I don't think he'd do it..as long as I am good to him too of course! N is probably the type, that if he were to "pasang" a girlfriend, he'd probably TELL me about it. He couldn't tell a lie and there are always tell-tale signs if he were lying or that he's uncomfortable, like he'd cough. for example;

N : I nak *cough* keluar kejap *cough*
Me: Where to?
N : *cough* jumpa "member" (N's friends are all "members" with no names)*cough*
Me : Do I know this member?
N : *cough*cough*n-o*cough* ok, bye!

So, I'd know. After 5 years of marriage, I'd really know. He maybe "macho" and all, but lying ain't his forte. I do know though that N, is a big risk taker and that he wouldn't think twice, if he thought it were right, to hook up with another one. Especially if he keeps his part of the deal and I did not, especially if I did not perform my wifely duties, like you know, making sure food is on the table when he comes home from work most of the time, making sure he's got nicely pressed clothes for work, take good care of the kids, be faithful, truthful, etc.etc..and of course perform the all important ehem..ehemm..*cough*cough* bedroom lambada every now and then*COUGH*COUGH*COUUGGHHHHH*!!. But having said that, I know it would be hard for N to do so, and such move would only be made, due to extreme, dire need for another female's companionship (yeah..it'd better!)

Would I want to know? Again, this is a hot "teh-tarik" topic. Mimi, my teh tarik sista says, "what would you do if you know? Is there any point of knowing, if you don't know what to do after finding out? Unless you know EXACTLY what you want to do after finding out, then you maybe should not know." Ina on the other hand, "definitely wants to know". I suppose she's got a game plan.

And if you did find out, would you want to find out who the ***TCH is? Would you want to see how she looked like? Would you want to know if she is prettier than you? More beautiful, more...sexy? WOuld you want to know, what they did when they went out? WOuld you, when you find out who she is, plead for her to leave your husband alone?

Or would you give her a show of some top form black belt karate kicks?
And..give her a taste of hair pulling action?
..Before (or after) you give your "dearly beloved" a few kicks BELOW THE BELT?
ANd then..chop off his "members"?

Would it be worse for you to find out, when at home he is still the perfect doting husband and father..and has never changed from day one of marriage? Given that, would you want to know? WOuld it be worth the heartache of finding out? What if, it were just a one time fling for dear hubby, a one-off thing that would never happen again..because he still loves you more than anything, would you still want to know? If you were to find out, and then forgive..Would it ever be the same again? Would you be able to live with it?

I guess people make mistakes, and sometimes admitting or voluntarily telling the truth on such matters is not the best solution to this. Should a woman be told that her husband is having a fling or affair? I don't know. If the woman is happy and content with the marriage, perhaps not. If the man seems to genuinely, still be in love with the wife, then perhaps she shouldn't be told. There are many things in a couple's relationship that we as outsiders do not know, therefore would not understand.

WOuld I tell the girl that the husband was having an affair? Perhaps not. If she were a good friend, I'd probably give her some subtle advise, somehow.

WOuld I want to know if MY hubby were having an affair?

Maybe.

Some say, ignorance is bliss though.

But..I'm signing up for karate anyway!

Join me?

On Divorce and Poligamy and Etc Etc

2005-05-12T03:16:00.000-07:00

Atenah started this, and now I have to blog about it too.

My teh tarik pals and I find this a frequent hot topic for discussion when we meet. So, what do you do if your husband decides to marry another one?

Do you leave...or NOT?
Do you fight for him..or not?
Do you share him with the other woman.. or not?

Whether we like it or not, it is soomething, everyone in a marriage/relationship thinks about. It is real, and it is serious.

I know a person, who married his second one not too long ago. I asked him why he did it, and his answer was simple and straight, "because I can AFFORD it". He didn't want to divorce Wife #1, but she filed for one anyway..and they are going through proceedings as I write this.

Should I put myself in her shoes..Right now, at this current moment, in my position right now, on a first instict sorta thing..I'd have done the same. But should I take it a little further, I'd think again, it's easier said than done. SO much is at stake, the kids, your extended family, friends, in fact your whole life that you've built together. Can you just pack up and leave, just like that?

In my chats on this with my teh tarik pals, I have told them that if my husband were to want to marry another, I'd just say GO AHEAD and in fact, lay a red carpet for him to do so.(NAUZUBILLAH tho' and I'd probably kill N first at the very mention of it!!) I told them..I'm not and would not be so hard up for a person who does not want me. (errr..that's the sombong and riak "me" talking).

It's scary isn't it, when you find that men take up second wives because they can AFFORD it? I mean, is that right? I'm sure a million men out there could financially afford more wives than one and if everyone were to think like this friend of mine..what would happen to this world?? But I'm sure when God said Muslim men can take up 4 wives, he had a zillion conditions attached to it..(most of which we do not hear of today) and the most important being the fact that you have to be FAIR. Its almost impossible to be FAIR. And its something that I think a lot of muslim men take lightly.. Fairness is not only in the amount of material wealth you provide for your wives but it has got to be in every single sense..and that's gotta be tough. Can you be fair in the amount of love that you give your wives and lets not get into sex! Think twice guys!

I know a lady whose husband married a second and the second wife got pregnant. This lady I know immediately went to the husband and said, I want a baby too. Imagine? Having to have sex and produce a child, just because..you have to equalise stuff you do. Tough, I say especially when you're almost 50!

Another guy I know who took up a second one goes a bit overboard with his fairness. One week he takes his first wife and kids for a holiday at some resort. The week after, he goes back to the same resort, same room with his second wife. All in the name of fairness. I think he's nuts.

Some people think its normal, to have many wives and that it should not be questioned. I agree, it shouldn't be questionned if it is done for the right reasons and in the right way. Otherwise, it is NOT normal. How can you subject your children to having "part-time" fathers and/or mothers when other kids have their parents all the time?. How do you expect your wives to sleep and have sex with you knowing that you will go home to another woman the next night, and repeat the same, without her feeling the tiniest bit of hurt and sadness? Someone loses out at the end of the day..and when that happens..it can't be right, can it?

I suppose for us women, to ask for a divorce is easily said and done, if you have a lot of money and you know exactly what to do straight after, but we're not always in that position.

Then again, to not ask for a divorce, will only bring heartache (for me at least), because, I wouldn't be able to live with a part-time husband, and wouldn't be able to watch my kids suffer going through the separation and having a part-time dad. Its just not right.

To put things straight, I am not putting men at blame for all this. It takes two to tango and there are women who cause households to shatter too. I just think that people today take marriage for granted without realising that its hard..hard work. We probably marry for the wrong reasons. Is LOVE a good enough reason to marry, will LOVE see us through "till-death-do-us part"?

Having said all I have said.. I still do not know for sure what I'd do if such decisions have to cross my path. Maybe I am still naive in my thoughts. Maybe someone out there could shed some light and perspective on this??

N, however, is very simple when it comes to this. He says..

"then we just have to make it work, don't we?"

Oprah's Interview

2005-05-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

Last week Oprah's show was somewhat a wake up call for me. She interviewed Gwyneth Paltrow on her newly embraced life as a mother and somewhere down the interview..Oprah says "So is it true that you don't have a nanny?"..Gwyneth says" Yes, its true I don't have a nanny"..and the crowd claps and claps forever and ever..
She goes on to say something about she doesn't care if she never works again after having the baby and that the reason why she doesn't have one now is that so that she can spend all the time in the world with baby Apple cos a time will come when/if she starts working and that will (the full time bonding) probably end..somewhat.

Why did it stir something in me that night? I don't know..It just brought waves of guilt from somewhere within me. Hey, it was GWYNETH PALTROW saying that she could do it without a nanny and she was in fact doing it without a nanny. Wow.

And here I am..konon-kononnya Supermom. The truth is..I have help, and MORE help than most.. I have not one but TWO maids. One especially for the kids and one for the housekeeping!

You think I am pampered? I probably am..but not by choice..I think!

The ONE question that went through my mind after listening to that interview was:

WHY CAN'T I DO THE SAME?
Financially, I believe N is stable enough to support the family should I decide to quit my job. Problem is..N is against me NOT working. He's probably the only husband in Malaysia who does not want his wife to quit working. He even told me once that if he were to retire early, I could go on working but not now..D has to work!

It is me too.. I find that my job keeps me sane. I hope that makes sense!? At work, I find a profound sense of satisfaction, I love the people I work with, I love the work that I do. And I'd hate to leave this job. Its a world away from my other world..and in a wierd way, a confort zone of sorts.

Having said that, every day when I am in the office, at exactly 11.45 I'd call home..cos that's when Baby N is back from school, just to hear his voice, tho he still doesn't/cannot say proper words. And then again at 12.30 I'd call, cos that's when N Junior is home from school just to see what he was up to during the morning. And I'd do that every next hour until I go home. My heart is always with my boys..

The "Domestic Help" that I have, they are like family to me.. In fact, they ARE a blessing cos at least when I do get home, I just concentrate on the boys and N..But do I really need 2? Do I really have to have help?

And most important of all.. wouldn't the most rewarding thing in life be to be at home with my two sons and personally going through each day with them?? What more do I want? Am I being selfish that I want to have a life away from home? And could I really do it without help???

Of course I don't have the kind of money that Gwyneth has to be able to throw my career away and say "I don't give a toss!" and I know I am NOT Gwyneth Paltrow in the first place..

But she really made me think.. What more am I waiting for?

Why can't I do the right thing?????

My N is Sick

2005-05-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

I think my N is not well and that he hasn't been well since he turned 40. If you have been reading my blog, you'd probably have read about how N is not romantic and never remembers important dates etc..etc..

That has changed..somewhat.

This year when N turned forty sometime in January, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. So like previous years, we took ourselves out for a meal.. Its a bit of a confusion for us, you know..who will belanja who, since it is HIS birthday but our anniversary too. In the past, it would be me who'd take him out to dinner, and we'd go to another place for dessert, which would be on him.

This year, as we exchanged kisses on our 5th anniversary, I asked him.."where do you want to go today? Since its your birthday?" He said, "what do you mean? It's OUR day." That threw me off balance a wee bit. N has never been into this "US" and "WE" concept being the overly macho person he is. I suppose that comes from being a bujang terlajak..he's lived his life alone for so long, that when I came into the picture, he was still talking in "singular" terms. This "US-OUR-WE" concept was new.. Happy 2005??

SO that evening after our meal, he asked me.."what do you want as an anniversary gift?" HUH? Wierd..My darling has never been into gifts either.. He always says that you don;t have to wait for an occasion to give each other gifts. Me, being me, I said "Nothing". I was never into gifts either and he'd already bought me a few handbags during our holiday in Rome just 2 weeks before (which was a surprise too!)..so felt a bit guilty to say that I wanted anything. I asked him why he was so into this particular anniversary.. He replied, "Its special, its our 5th" Sighh..never knew he had it in him. I wanted to buy him something, but N hates it when I buy things for him..He tells me that I shouldn't waste my money etc..etc.. SO he told me that if I ever wanted to buy him something, it would have to be a ROLEX. Yeah right! Not like I can afford one now and he knew it! So we ended up having ice cream instead..on me.

And he got a bit weirder after. We went for a karaoke session, just the two of us a few nights later. He said to me, "lets sing this song. It will be our song." I guess after one song, he thought it sounded good but needed practice and urged me to sing it again, so that it sounded good enough for us to sing together, at other karaoke outings with friends, or at birthday functions. So now, we have OUR song. Won't tell you what it is..but if you ever find us singing some song together..it will be THAT song! Sighh...a bit CORNY lah... but sweet kan?

Last month, it was my birthday..and you know, he NEVER remembers my birthday! We had come home late the day before my birthday and it was close to midnight when I decided to take a shower before bed. I had forgotten that it was my birthday the next day and when I came out from the shower a bit after midnight, he grinned and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!

I almost fainted!

What is it with him this year?

And just last weekend, we were driving in the car home from work. He mentioned something about it being Mother's Day that weekend. I just said "yeah" and forgot about the whole thing until yesterday. We were just relaxing at home watching our boys play, when suddenly N says "Ok everybody, get ready..we're going for a Mother's Day dinner". I could feel myself almost pass-out, yet once again!

SO WHAT IS IT WITH N???

Don't get me wrong..It's not that I don't like this change, I do..I really do. Is the real N coming out for show now after 5 years of marriage? or is it time that I get suspicious? Hmmmmm... Naaaah!

N is getting sweeter as the years pass by. Maybe its just us finally getting to know each other really-really well, deep-deep down. MAybe this is the REAL him and that he's finally comfortable enough with me to let the ice melt.

Maybe its age catching up on him.. He always says that life starts at 40..and he always tells me with a certain tone of seriousness "My life JUST started D"..I wonder what he really means.

Someone told me that I've been good to N, so I am getting "goodness" in return. ANother someone told me that my new "three-series" age "is precisely when I get sexier", thus...(good things happen??)

Hmmmmm...maybe its THAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Whatever it is, N, if you are truly "unwell" its one sickness I hope you don't recover from as long as you're comfortable being sick like this.
And I hope that's not too much to ask for.

Cos, you know what?

I'm loving every minute of it...

The Cards on the Fridge

2005-05-08T22:24:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I came back from work late, it was something like 2.30am. As usual..my first stop was the fridge, to get a big glass of juice before I head upstairs to sweet slumberland. I noticed two lonely cards held by the fridge magnets..it said
"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY". From my little sweetlings.

I was touched to the point of almost sobbing.

I went upstairs into their bedroom..they were so still, quiet and serene lost somewhere in dreamland...as always in their little Batman suits. I kissed their foreheads, promising them a better mother tomorrow.

The cards were my first Mother's Day cards.

But, I am not worthy.

MW, NY and I

2005-05-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

I have two great friends, MW and NY whom I always refer to as my BEST friends. Hubby, N, says, that's not really accurate cos BEST should only be ONE not TWO. But I insist..when it comes to the three of us pals, we all agree, we're the bestest of friends.

We are really quite quite strange says N for we call ourselves best friends but hardly ever ever meet. I suppose its mainly because of our schedules, myself, always busy with work and when I am not at work..I am with the family spending my quality time, MW also the same and busy holidaying every now and then with her hubby, I always say that they've perpetually been on a pro-longed honeymoon for the last three years and NY, waaaahh..she's worse than the Prime Minister and George W Bush rolled into one! Always everywhere and anywhere at the oddest timesand busy, busy, busy ALL THE TIME..But thats how it is with NY.

Of the three, I was the first to marry, followed by MW 2 years later. Last Thursday, the last of the three tied the knot with the man of her life..Good excuse for the three best pals to meet after not being together for THREE years. The last meeting being at MW's wedding and before that at mine! NY waiting..
done deal!

I watched NY marry with a sense of sadness, I believe MW felt the same too. Not sad that she was marrying but sad (in a "Syahdu" way?) that we've suddenly grown up into WOMEN.GOne are the days when we were 13 year olds at Tun Fatimah.. Laughing and giggling away without a care. All that was important then was just...US.

NY used to be the one always writing letters to boyfriends (yes, it was in plural) at other boarding schools..with me always busy...editing her letters! MW was always the beauty queen..and me, I was always the more serious one..
MW and I.

We left school and went our own ways. MW and I ended up in the same uni and NY was flung far away. But the strangest and loveliest thing of all was that it never affected us and the friendship we had..Even if we had not met for years, it would still be the same..we probably have never changed.

And now here we are..all married and Puan Something's to En Something's. It sucks, really, to have grown up..but I suppose we have become somewhat great women in our own rights. Maybe, I was sad watching NY marry, probably knowing that with marriage we'd see each other less. It actually takes one of us to get married for us to meet..and now, there's no more left to marry!

But hey, I guess its alright, for we've been through this a million times and we'll always be the same. Its somehow too late to turn around now! So to MW and NY, here's to a life-long friendship and do know that although we'll probably see each other at N junior's wedding something like 20 years down the road... I'll still be here and that my prayers are with you girls each and every day..

ME, NY and MW

Conversations with N Junior

2005-05-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

n junior : mama why are you crying?
mama (pretending to cry) : cos I have no more money after buying you all those
chocolates.
n junior : don't cry mama.. later, i will telephone the taxi man and go to the
kedai and buy you a CD.
mama : but what CD will you buy me?
n junior : how about Power Rangers? you are Red Power Rangers and I am the Blue One
mama : But you don't have any money
n junior : No.. I have banyak! I'll show you.

After a very short wait, he proudly shows me the money..in Papa's wallet.

Pandai anak mama..

N Junior : Mama, Natasya (his classmate) says GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS and BOYS HAVE BIRDS
Mama (a bit terkejut with his statement) : What do you mean?
N Junior : I said, Natasya says GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS and BOYS HAVE BIRDS
Mama : Is that so?
N Junior : But I don't have a bird. Can you go and buy me one tomorrow at the kedai?
Mama : But why?
N Junior : Because I SAID GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS AND BOYS HAVE BIRDS. Natasya said so.
I DON'T HAVE A BIRD. Please mama..Buy me a bird ok?
Mama : I think Natasya meant something else
N Junior with a big sigh : Tak nak cakap dengan mama lah!

I didn't handle it well I guess. I do think Natasya was referring to female and male private parts. RIGHT??? N Junior hasn't grasped this "sexuality" concept yet. Maybe its because in our family whether its a male or a female, your genitals are called "tun-tun" (pronounced "toon-toon"). Why? I don't know, that's just how it is.. So how do you explain female and male concepts to a 4 year old like him?? Flowers and birds are a bit too complicated analogies for kids his age.

I wonder if Natasya walks around school with flowers?

Maybe, I should by him a bird anyway?