Scaredy Cat

If there’s anything good about having a husband apart from having a companion and lifetime supply of ehemehems, it’s probably the sense of security having a man beside you gives. Well, for me, it's definitely that. I know I’m beginning to sound like a whimp of a damsel in distress or a really sayur of a woman who can’t live without her man beside her, but it’s true. Feeling safe is actually priceless. Not the emotional kind of security, but similar to the kind of security that security guards give you. You know, the feeling that no matter what evil attacks, you're in safe hands and that all you need to do is stand-back, relax and watch as he fights off all the bad guys? And that you can safely snooze off into a deep comfy slumber knowing that you're protected? You know what I mean.. Yes?

When N is away on his work trips, like he is tonight, I get overly insecure and the feeling is unbearably overwhelming. Suddenly, I feel this huge burden on my shoulders that the safety of the whole household rests on my shoulders. It's such a big job that it's scary and I’m telling you, it ain’t funny. I’ve got to make sure that everyone especially my boys and the property is safe..from the bad guys. It isn’t midnight yet, but I have already walked out to check whether the gate is closed TWICE. I have gone down the same number of times to check that each door and window has been shut and bolted tight. At nights like these, I lament, why oh why, did we decide to go all “American” and not have grills installed on our windows! Nevermind the alarm system wired around the whole house, tonight I wants grills installed please! And at nights like this I long for the comfort of having security guards like those at the apartment we used to live in. No worries about bad guys breaking in with parangs, machetes and what have you. Oh, and let’s not start on the orang minyak and gang, please!

Tonight, just like all other nights when N is away, the maids and the two boys ALL camp in the bedroom with me. Thank God, the boys think it’s fun (and so I don’t lose face as the scared lil mommy!)..something like a little pajama party with the bibiks. The handy old golfstick rests discreetly by my bedside ready for me to use in case of attacks. The house will look like it’s on Deepavalee mode, with all the lights on. Garden lights, fence lights, all the lights downstairs, all the lights upstairs and even the TVs too.; everything is switched on. Well, almost.

Funny, I never feel this way when he is here. It’s not like he sleeps with guns around his waist nor does he even remember that he even owns a golf stick. He doesn’t even practice martial art of any kind. Plus, he hardly does rounds around the house to check the doors and windows when he’s at home. I do it. But at least I only make one round if he is here not twice like I just did and normally do when he’s away. What makes this worse is that I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. With TV blasting away and all the lights on, how can I sleep? Give me my N and his snores any day, I won’t mind as long as I don’t have to be Head of Security of the house!

Wail! Wail! Wail!..5 more hours before 6 a.m when the bad guys go home and I can go off duty and get at most 1 hour of sleep before I head off to work. Looks like I’ll be completing all the crosswords on Women’s Weekly for the rest for the night. As for now, I gotta go check the doors and the windows AGAIN.

Goodnight y’all!