Sunday, January 22, 2006

Help Please?

Question.

When a man tells you he doesn’t want anything for his birthday and tells you that for 6 years in a row, are you supposed to believe it and live by it, or is it just one of those “no=yes” sort of thing and I’m supposed to read in between the lines?

The thing is, N’s birthday is coming up next Sunday, it is also our 6th anniversary (and also Blabarella’s 6th anniversary too!) on the same day. Unlike our other guy friends, N has always told me every year without fail that he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, whenever I ask. Neither does he say “All I want is you”. (Puke! Puke!! Hehehe..Not that I ever want him to. It just won't go well with me lah.)

So really, it’s fine with me if he doesn’t want anything for his birthday. If that's really what he means. But a lot of people say that but don’t really mean it and therefore, the “no=yes” thing and you read in between the lines and go get him something anyway. As for N, I have tested this on him; and he bluntly told me that, the next time I want to buy him something, consult him first. Which was somewhat a blow for me, the first year we got married cos it sort of translated to “I don’t like this thing you bought but thanks anyway and next time ask me first.” What?? Ask him first before I buy him something?? Who changed the rules here? Aren’t you just supposed to say thanks and look happy about it?

Well, ok sir. Your birthday, your rules. So, second year, I got him nothing. Third year nothing too. Right up to the 5th year. And next week, will be the 6th year and I’m wondering…Am I reading him right? It is getting boring you know that I don’t get to surprise him with stuff.

What bugs me is that, I don’t get the point of this “ask me first” concept. Whenever I do ask him, like just today, he says “nothing”. And if I do, he says, consult him first. And when I do consult him, he says "nothing"! It’s just a big round-about we make every 29th of January from one year to the next and it's so like a movie repeated every year that I'm beginning to think that I'm missing something here!

You’d think that after 6 years of marriage, I’d know my man. Well, I'm pretty sure I’ve more or less figured him out but this is one area which I still need expert advise on. Perhaps I need to go look for that "Mars and Venus" book I chucked 3 pages through, somewhere sometime ago. But oh please! I really don't want to do that!
Girls! Help?
Guys? What’s up with you guys eh? And you say we women are complicated! We never say no! To presents that is..

36 Comments:

Blogger Ely said...

ok dena cayang, please do not feel as if ur hubby is extra ordinary cos MY HUSBAND IS LIKE THAT TOO!

he is not a festive person neither is he a birthday person (for himself!). everytime when its xmas, he would be a grinch, and when its his birthday, lagilah dia boleh naik loktang if i made a big deal out of it.

the only time when i bought him a gift was 3 years ago, i bought him a turntable and get this, i gave him the gift 2 weeks before his birthday..so on his birthday, i just bought a cake and no singing either.

only last year did he accepted the cake and the birthday song....still no gift. but this year i think i know what to get him for his birthday.

as for u my dear, why dont u just bawak dia pergi makan kat luar with the family. then if u really wanted to get him something, dont get anything exclusive, just like a shirt and tie (which he will wear, alah to add on to his huge wardrobe hehe) or go to bodyshop and get him men's toiletries. something practical.

men can be such stubborn humans. and one thins about us, we will nvr get it!

9:31 AM  
Blogger Nazrah said...

i like the makan idea. as always.

u can give him special treats like waxing and detailing his car inside out, even if u can get/pay other ppl to do it.

or better still, get urself 600 threadcount egyptian cotton sheets and get your wanton self under them. if la perla works on him, go ahead, otherwise go buff.haha.

or go have a nice little picnic at the zoo/park with the kids. candle on muffins, and a kiss.

or. get everyone out of his office during lunch and jeng jeng jeng.


or.collect his old pictures fr his closest relatives and friends and make a scrap book of their memories of his childhood/youth whatever...


oh i could go on and on.

what did i get my husband for his birthday last month? a promise of a gourmet holiday which is yet to materialize cuz we've been busy as it were. sheesh


good luck to ya gal!

10:40 AM  
Anonymous ariel said...

Dena dear...

i think guys in general are like dat kut.. my husband is the same.. i remember almost losing the feel in my legs going up and down klcc looking for inspiration.last years bday prezzie is still in its original plastic bag *sigh... anyway.. like ely suggested , a nice dinner.. candle lit for 2? since it IS your anniversary too kan... and who knows .. can make sugar and spice bun for dessert? ;-) ;-) .. maybe rather than getting a prezzie.. celebrate his birthday with sthing special.. a weekend away.. dat sorta thing.. :-)
anyway.. im in a fix too.. my hub's bday coming up exactly a week after dat..and when i ask him wat does he want.. one day he jokingly answers.. umar... which is the name we agreed on shoudl we have a son.. uh oh.. time to start baking huh?
gud luck girl.. have a gud time ;-)

4:58 PM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

My two cents:- I think he really does not want anything for his birthday - translated "tak payah go through the trouble" - but that doesnt mean that he wants you you to forgetlah that its his day...

I'd say - you make the day a very special one - commemorating the day he was born into this world by treating him extra special i.e drawing him a bath, making his fave breakfast etc. A great gift I think would be a poem of what he means to you or something you write about your life together thus far - and get your little ones to participate as well in their own writing or drawing! Frame the pieces up for added touch.

5:21 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

ely: specific instructions before was, NO CAKE, NO SINGING. Presents? Must consult. Ini orang tua, manyak susah! I have sort of decided on having a barbecue and will invite his closest friends. Will have a cake without "Happy Birthday" written on it. No singing but perhaps Karaoke after dinner. Ok or not?

Nazrah: La Perla? He will probably find me sexier in coveralls and a hard hat. Maybe hard hats in bed eh? *lightbulb flashing moment!* Thanks for all the ideas babe!

Ariel: At least your husband cakap Umar. My husband "Angelina Jolie" pun dia tak nak! Hehehe..Thanks girl. Oii, Oody and I spoke about lunch with u once. I told her, it would be good for her to meet the only other person on earth who is as small as she is! :)

Lifebloom: Yeah! I think I'll get the lil ones started on a project for their papa kan? Thanks! I love the poem idea, but mine will prob sound like this..

Dua Tiga Kucing Berlari
Mana Nak Sama Si kucing Botak..

Oh, I'm so bad with poems! You don't wwanna get me started! haha!

5:46 PM  
Blogger Seri Langkat said...

Dena,
maybe a date, macam masa moda2 dulu.. movies, great food, jalan2, hold hands and the 'hard hat' can come after... heheh

7:07 PM  
Blogger MA said...

Isetan vouchers.

Parkson Grand Vouchers.

Jaya Jusco Vouchers.

Let him get whatever he wants. Hehehe...

9:52 PM  
Blogger MA said...

and, oh dena - when you give him the vouchers - make sure got reben one - look at him coyly in the eyes and say : " Surprise Me "

9:54 PM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

Anedra - LOL!!! Ade ke "Kucing Botak..."!! "Kucing Botak Yang Hensem" baru betul!

Anyway, sounds like you lined up a great party already. Masa karaoke tu bolehlah nyanyi lagu "Endless Love" or something equally "syrup-py" and after the guests depart - babak "hard hat" pulak akan menyusul *wink* *wink*

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Apples said...

Well you know what Anedra, it's just plain simple No. And when a man says that, take it literally. Unlike us..if we say 'no' we actually mean 'yes' vice versa. I know it's really hard to understand but sometimes when dealing with a man we kena change to their mode sikit hahah so much for advising a married woman. But from what you've written..that dating problem does seem to extend to marriage, ya...:)

Ah yes..Man are from Mars, women from Venus er ..is it the other way? Pretty good book actually;)

10:08 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

serilangkat: I know my N..pegang-pegang tangan, candlelight is all wasted on him. Get straight to the hard hats girl! That'll make him happy!

makandeh: you are so a genius! Surprise ME! I love that!

LifeBloom: We have a karaoke song which he calls "our song". just as syrupy sounding as Endless Love..that one will do. I can't pull off Diana Ross lah..hancur! But yes, we'll do a duet!

Apples: I don't know lah..but they get weirder as they age!

10:32 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

dena, my instinct tells me - mixed grilled kebabs - preferably turkish or lebanese. But really, this is not so bad. Wait for this: You nak apa? apa - apa. Nak makan di mana ? mana-manalah. Nak ajak sapa? sapa-sapa lah!
Yeah right, we women are complicated. Pak Teh's last birthday - of course I didnt ask - bought him a nice ben sherman coat - cost me an arm and a leg too! When I presented to him = with receipt - because he might want to change - he said...Ish, why so expensive!!!! Then, he had to exchange because of the colour...and came back withone £10 more!!! No - not complicated really!

11:24 PM  
Blogger Arena said...

My Ed's the same too. I dont bother with presents and card anymore, He will never like what I bought , he'll say nape tak tanya dulu? He will say, buat abis duit je. So it's either i treat him dinner or i cook his fav. food and the last time I bawak dia jalan2.. Yup, I booked the hotel and arrange travel itenary plus i drove him there too.. pheww talk about penat.. this year tataulah apa nak buat..

11:44 PM  
Blogger Nae said...

Some men are like that huh....Anyway, why dont u just give him the book that u chuck out - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus....lol! Just an idea tho....

12:52 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Maybe this imaginary conversation could be of help, or a guide if it's any good.

I am going to buy you (.......) for your birthday next week. I don't know if you like it but I'd you to have it because I think it's so you.

Hmmm...

I take that as a yes.


Hmmm...

Yup. That's what you gonna get next week. Happy birthday.

1:07 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

makteh: I'm still looking for a turkish restaurant to take him too! memories of heringay are still fresh in his mind! prezzies..I don't know whether I want to pening kepala on this anymore! haiyaaaa!

arena: sometimes I wonder..WHY BOTHER??? a get-away sounds good too. looks like if we do, it will be in KL. So, bday eve, is barbecue. Birthday and anniversary, we'll have a little night away at home! eh?

Nae: i couldn't finish that book myself! So he'd never pass the 1st page! As far as he's concern, he's solved the universal mystery of men and women already! But that's another blog altogether.

Bergen: Ahhh, I have had this conversation before. It went like this.

I am going to buy you ... for your b'day. I don't know whether u like it, but I think it's so you and that you'll like it.

What is it?

It's a ....

Does it have extra compartments at the side with zippers?

OR

What is the material like? Is it xxx with the cutting like xxxx?

OR

What the measurement like. x inch by x inch?

Kenapa? You don't have anything better to do with your money ke? No need lah.

You see BErgen, all a girl wants is for her man to say THANKS with no questions asked. It's the thought that counts, not the dimensions, measurements, material, money spent etc..etc.. Anti climax kan?

Oh well..

1:18 AM  
Anonymous ariel said...

gal..

id vote for the weekend get-away and bbq.. :-) i found out when i try really really hard ..and the reaction is not as expected.. as in not appreciative enuff... id get really really dissapointed pulak.. beats the purpose of trying to do something nice hehehe...
btw.. tell ood im game.. and jgn la ckp i kecik.. im no more dat small.. still vertically challenged but not small hahaha.. :-) trying hard to lose the excess .. *sigh

1:30 AM  
Blogger ailin...in aalborg said...

poor poor POOR Dena. Sigh. I always manage to hit the bullseye. Lucky for me, not lucky for my purse, because this means, that I'm always getting him nice prezzies. He, on the other hand, has no imagination--no presents for me at all, not even anniversary presents. And I never ever told him, "All I need is you." (stop puking, eh?) People ask me why I'm still married to him. Sometimes, I myself wonder.

Okay, got exactly 6 days to think of a prezzie for him. Because on Sunday, is D-Day.

p.s. as for what to get N, what about a sexy nighty for you? That way, he gets a "present", and you get a present too??

2:31 AM  
Blogger drbubbles said...

ely, anedra,

me is like that too.
personally I don't celebrate birthday..so kalau bagi hadiah-2 ni eeee.....geli la ..hahaha..
anyway just to share that I just celebrate mine few weeks ago and my office is giving me a bouquet of flowers and topped with 6 forerro rocher. while happily gulping 4 out of it ( gave two to my friend) I don't see any practicality of giving me the thing (that flower la)..
something practical is better. perhaps tool set ka, book voucher ka...
that reminds me of my clown teacher who gave her hubby ( clown jugak)an apron for his woodwork hobby.

practical and sweet.

4:51 AM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

Hello dearie, lama cek tak mai kan? Excuse me lah, ye? *smiles*

Men are literal - they don't know the art of verbal meandering. If he says no, then don't bother. Don't "buy" him anything, but that doesn't have to stop you from "doing" stuff for him. Nazrah's list is good.

On top of that, N sounds like he can be sticky about his personal stuff. Like the example of your version of Bergen's hypothetical. That's quite a feminine trait actually.

Just like that "ask me first" bit - I'm like that. Mr. Daddy is NOT allowed to buy me present which is outside my realm of hints - because 99.99% chance is that I will have some problem with whatever it is that he buys.

So because men are literal & on top of that, N has those 2 female-ish traits, DON'T buy him anything, but MAKE/DO something which isn't a retail purchase. That's something he can't find fault with and the preparation will be something exciting for you too!

Happy 6th Anniversary, luvvie. I'm still two kids behind you!! (Unless if 4 cats count!) *laughs*

5:38 AM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Problem with my hubby is he will always remind me that his bday is COMING. Oh yes he does expect me to buy him present but never bother to buy me anything hu hu hu. So eventually, I will buat2 lupa his bday is when and lupa2 nak beli present. From trial and error I know what to buy him. Normally a cologne, his fevret brand lah kalau tak sure kena marah lagi.. Other things that I had bought for him? Underwear, Ties, shirts, a ring (this one he wears it always)...

7:38 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

ariel:hehe..anyone shorter than me is kecik. Enough said. Ok, we lunch someday. Later-later I plan with Oody and Update you. Eh, how to call you??

Ailin: Is Imad's Bday on the 29th too? Looks like I've got a double whammy here. My N, he dosn't want presents, he doesn't BUY presents. What a sad, sad, man he is! hehehe..

Dr Is: Practical and sweet? See that's the difference between us men and women. Men, prob wouldn't mind a tool set. We women, wouldn't want an oven for our birthdays! No sirree!

Practical and sweet for N would be a ferrarri perhaps. Gulp.. Hidup seribu tahun pun tak habis bayar tu!


Blabs: Hey! It's been so long! How have u been?? Well, hopes of a day out overnight in KL on the 29th itself is down the drain as we shall be in Muor. (JOm sesapa nak mee bandung?) but since it's CNY will see if w can get bookings for a belated night away. BBQ is still on for Saturday. Figured that I won't go wrong with the makan with his closest pals! Forget the presents..Yes?

Happy anniversary to you too sweetheart! and by the way 4 cats count, ok!

AuntyN: You are just so..so..lucky. And he cooks too!

6:28 PM  
Blogger torts said...

dene, just go ahead and surprise him. What with? u know him BETTER than any other LIVING woman, missus. So - have fun surprising..

(i'm sure u've considered the red thingy SURPRISE, heheheh!!)

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RMS the kaki flirt said..... GO FLIRT somewhere! berdua-duaan di genting highland, enjoying yourselves mcm budak-budak. a day visit to bali, or langkawi or bukit tinggi or pd, or pamper yourselves for spa for couple or something. kiranya you pun tumpang sekali la.... ;)

8:05 PM  
Blogger Lydia Teh said...

Anedra, isn't it good, no need to crack the head about what to buy? Every year, I ponder over what to buy too, sampai rambut uban.

12:57 AM  
Blogger RedKebaya said...

Susah susah sangat kan... just get urself something really really hot and give him a birthday romp hes not likely to forget in a hurry. 1. you dont have to feel guilty you didnt do nothin' for his birthday 2. ur still following 'orders' coz you didnt really buy HIM anything now did you ;)

4:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI Anendra,

This is my frist time writing a comment... as this is a topic close to my heart... ehhehehe

Like U, having an older and discerning husband they want to be consulted with that u intend to give them for their birthdays or any other special occassions... so what I do is to NOT give him gifts on HIS birthdays, rather, I give it to him whenever he finds himself in a situation where he's found something he loves and wants but does not or cannot find a reason to buy it. When that happens, I jump in and say, "Honey, its yours and whip out my credit card (i wish I was cash tho) and its for your birthday / anniversary or whatever, and just because I l**e you", *Grin*

Anyway, it works for me hhehehe he appreciates it alot and saves me a whole of headache.

However, the BBQ idea with family and friends is also a fantastic one, followed by the "Surprise me" idea ehhehe

HAVE FUN!!!!

5:47 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

torts: the red thingy aint no surprise anymore honey!

rms the kaki flirt: Man! It's been so long since I flirted with anyone! That would be nice though! Hmmmmmm...and THAT's a thought! Thanks! :)

lydia: I have decided not to crack my head. Don't want, don't buy lah! Go makan..Easy. Plus they don't ever complain about makan right? So the next pening kapala issue is..where to makan???

anon: yes, i think he will like the barbecue. he always does! as for the gifts...ya lah..as long as it's labelled as a "birthday"/Anniversary" or whatever GIFT, he'll never accept it. True. Better just buy as and when.

1:33 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

redkebaya: I like. ;)

1:45 AM  
Blogger MamiJarum said...

I think all hubby are like that... James birthday baru je lepas and before, I asked him what would he like for his birthday, he says I'm not bothered, - nothing was what he meant. Like El's husband, when Christmas come he's a miser... Kira macam tak kuasa nak layan the festival or any festival for that matter... And the makan idea is perfect also... Getting gifts for men are always menyakitkan kepala... So hard to please lah diaorang nih!!!

7:58 AM  
Blogger narfnarf said...

hehe, i only have one thing to add to this. sorry, i can't help sebab...

i don't know any men. boys aplenty. no men. nu'uh. :o)

12:38 PM  
Blogger annckay said...

i think u have to read between the line..

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why don't you kiss his cheeks and whisper sweet nothing at him then?

7:39 AM  
Anonymous atiza said...

that anon above was me

7:40 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

mamijarum: we'll never solve this problem. looks like it's a universal mystery!

ayu!!!!;: hey! were hv u been!?? Well... later when u do find yrself a man, you've got all of us to give you advise. Boys senang je..beli Power Rangers!

annckay: you think so??? Oh no! Pening balik!

Atiza: I'll kiss his cheeks alright..but I can guess his reaction to the sweet nothings. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Are u ok Anedra??" Hancur!

10:38 PM  
Blogger Aci & Joz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:43 PM  

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