Friday, March 24, 2006

A Guide for A Pontianak

For the past few weeks, as work has been on murderous overload mode, I have been sighted around the office looking more like Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam than a human; with hair out of place all the time. Rule: If it’s let loose and uncombed it’s considered an okay day, if it’s all scrunched up held by a clip and strands escaping everywhere, then you know it’s a bad day.

Make-up? Forget it. After the first application in the morning, and endless meetings thereafter which just ooze out the last drip of sanity you have left in your body; what’s the point of applying it again after lunch when all you want to do is pull your hair off your scalp and avoid looking at the mirror anywhere in fear of actually wanting to strangle the person staring back at you from the mirror to the heavens or hells above? Nope, forget the make-up. It’s just too much work and it goes with the mood I have been in all week. Nope I haven't been feeling pretty lately. No sirree!

And let’s not even go to what I wear to work. I might as well be in coveralls. I just wake up in the mornings, pull whatever that’s nearest, easiest and most convenient to wear and head off to work, not even checking whether I’m all colour coordinated, or not. Tough. It’s just one of those weeks you know. And you’re just waiting for the lightning to strike you, and for whatever may to come. Whatever. You know?

Yesterday, after spending an hour in a hot steamy shower, and thinking of how I have not felt like a woman off-late which was probably triggered by a comment I got from a boss along the lines of “Anedra; you ok? You look out of sorts”. He might as well have said, “You’ve been looking like a pontianak all week.” Heh.
Well anyways, after the shower and plonking myself in bed; I grabbed a book which has been on my night stand for months, waiting to be read. It tickled me tremendously.

This is what it said (in an extremely summarised version)

How to be Groomed:

1. Pedicure feet once a month (Anedra: err…like who even looks at mah feet?)

2. Must manicure. The book says “There is no point in angling for a diamond ring if you don’t have nice, groomed, kissable hands (Anedra says: No wonder he hasn’t bought me a diamond ring. So, must manicure. But does it work when you have to tumbuk sambal belacan everynight for dinner?)

3. If you use nail polish, there’s an entire definition of colours and stuff ie. Red=dangerous, vampiry, sexy siren, Nude/Cream=High maintenance, French Manicures=Control Freaks most the time Americans (Anedra: err, not French?) and glitters=ONLY if u’r fifteen (Anedra: shucks!)

4. Understand your sihouette. Concepts to remember “A body is like a cello. Your job is to work out how to play it” it goes further to quote Sophia Loren “A woman’s dress should be like a barbed wire fence; serving it’s purpose without obstructing it’s view” (Anedra: I gotta throw out them coveralls!) and most importantly, KNOW YOURSELF “Understand what you are left with when the lights go off” (Anedra: Eeeeks!)

5. White jeans, Horizontal stripes, flannel tracksuits, Blue Lipstick, Wellington Boots – BIG NO NO!

6. Brazilian wax, facials, lip hair removal twice a month if not monthly

7. Avoid getting your knickers in a twist (Anedra: Ladies, this is important! It ain’t beautiful to see ya know!)

And this one was written just for the Pontianak me
8. How to deal with bad hair days? GET A HAT!

I have finally found my guide that shall bring out the finer woman in me. For those of you who want to know more, go get “How to Walk in High Heels” by Camilla Morton at bookstores near you. It looks like this book will permanently be on my nightstand for days when I need a quick-fix and urgent guidance. Sir A.G thanks for so thoughtfully purchasing this for me. You knew, that more than anyone else you know, that this niece of yours would need it the most!

The book is fun. A long list of interesting (and to me tickling) do’s and don’ts ranging from "How to Choose High Heels" to "How to be Miss Green-Fingers Royale" or something like that, which for the life of me; 80% of which I’d never be able to do like “How to Make Curtains?” Errr..nope, don’t think I want to make any! But at least I know that I need some work done on me to make me feel like a woman to keep the Pontainak at bay; especially at times of dire stress like I have been through these past few weeks!

As for now, let me just go sort out this Pontianak thing first. I’m gonna go get me a HAT!


Blogger Ms.B said...

Awww, poor Anedra!!! *BIG HUG*

Am assuming it's workplace's FYE? :(

Hey, look at this way - you're such a pretty girl, and so it won't take much to prep you all up again!! On those "scrunching up hair" days, just switch that scrunch for a pretty comb clip that does the job just as well, and have a small bottle of baby powder/compact & lipstick on standby in the desk drawer, so that you don't even need a mirror (let alone the ladies' room) to get that fresh look again every now and then! :)

11:48 PM  
Blogger Noni said...

alamak.. kalu white jeans is a no no.. when lah pulak can pakai em g-strings tu...? Kan dah membezir....

4:01 AM  
Blogger About Blogreader said...

You're reading a lot of books about looking good. Are you going into show biz? Should we expect to see you in a karaoke video, maybe?

5:08 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

Blabs: Hugs back!! it IS workplace FYE + worse!! -the year of tenders for me! Thanks for the tips..I just hope I manage to remember that I have some make-up stashed in my drawers! Knowing how I am..I'll forget in no time!!

Noni: Oh..and them g-strings, make sure they don't if they HAVE to show..make sure they're nice to look at..that's what the book says lah! I suppose, white mini skirt with G-strings?? yes??

blogreader: honey..NO. Am not getting inot showbiz, although it seems anytime better than what I do now!! Am just in the business of looking more humanly than hantu-ly. ya know what I mean?

6:11 AM  
Blogger born-again drama queen said...

brazilian wax? ouchhyy!!sakit oow woww woww!
imagine kalau kena buat full body wax..mahu gila half way camtu.
upper lip wax? kalau kita shave je muka kita tak boleh ke?

*tanya si nefertiti sambil mencabut uban*

10:26 PM  
Blogger aalborg said...

I was just gonna say, wear a tudung for bad hair days. But I guess a hat works just as well. But then, we can also have bad tudung days, when we can't get the darn tudung fold in good, no matter how much ironing has been done!

11:27 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

Oh no wonder we are not meeting this week (or last or last last or next)!

You look like pontianak? Aiyah, pontianaks are getting prettier and prettier, comely and comelier these days. First Maya Karin, now you! Must be that shampoo.

You poor kid. After all the mess at the office is over, go to some spas and indulge yourself being pampered, powdered, manicured, pedicured, cured, waxed and all that, okay? I would do the spa for you myself but maybe not, what will people say? We can do without the wild gossips, ya?

You take care now.

12:01 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

Wellington Boots. LL Bean's better.

12:21 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

nefertiti: forget the brazilian waxes! sakit tak tentu pasal. Surely God gave us body hair for a reason eh?? upper lip wax?? try bleaching? i dont know..lemme go back and read the book again eh? *smooches*

ailin: i was actually thinking of the tudung option..but not for "pontianak" reasons lah. hopefully for better reasons..or parhaps a 2 in 1 thingy, eh?

ood: honey, all week long I was thinking and dreaming of a manicure! and what did I do instead?? I chewed on my nails! Am going berzerk here! If I were Maya Karin, I wouldn't be doing what I do for a living ya know!

bergen: LL Bean's? what are those? some steel toed macho boot-like thing?

1:51 AM  
Anonymous atiz said...

la..still got to blog eh?

4:42 AM  
Blogger Noni said...

LL Bean... would he be related to LL Cool J by any chance?

5:30 AM  
Blogger Ely said...

oooh, i was feeling like that last week. remember my posting on how to go to 5 meetings and still survive? at the end of the day, i went to the bathroom, looked like the pontianak sucked the blood out of me! pucat lesi, mata penat and couldnt keep my shoulders up!

thats ok gurl, u're still beautiful to me no matter how penat u r!

8:53 PM  
Blogger AuntyN said...

Pontianak the "mini" version lah ni Dena? :-) Whatever, if the next time I hug you, don't use those fangs on me OK.

10:14 PM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

Wait ! Did I see a pontianak lookalike at Giant recently? Nope? Must be my image ina morror, hahahaha! Maybe you are being too hard on yourself, I am sure you look nowhere like a pontianak :)

11:19 PM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

ooops sorry, I mean mirror. My spelling's gone to the pontianaks .....

11:21 PM  
Blogger LifeBloom said...

You - Pontianak. Me - Langsuir.

I just know what you mean! make sure you post the pic of the hat that will grace the head of the banshee!

12:41 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

atiz: hobby nak isikan masa-masa stress! how r u doin'?

noni: that's a thought

Ely: U'r stunning to me too! Muacks!

auntyN: The real question would be, WHEN would I get to hug you again AuntN? As for the fangs..well, lemme rujuk the buku for that! ;p

QOTH: anybody lookin like a pontianak in work clothes at Giant round about 9pm at night would be me maam. But I dont visit the garlic section. Pontianaks dont go there. Please say hi tho if u think it's me eh? it's abt time!

lifebloom: oooooo..langsuir ya? Hi-five sikit!!

looking for hats in Malaysia is no easy feat. Some have flowers enuff to cover the whole of Taman negara! So I settled for a golf hat, and a golf cap which I already posessed anyways. Haven't worn em tho..looks like I've had good hair days so far!

2:37 AM  
Blogger bergen said...

A woman can look stunning in one of them Australian hats, ma'am.

3:42 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

bergen: my birthday is april 12th. hint! hint! ;p

3:51 AM  
Blogger torts said...

didn't notice any pontianak sundal malam in the office..? but it's obvious work is stretching u lot at that end.
Looking forward to see ur hat :D

4:26 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

torts: you sure it was me you saw in the office?? ;p

9:57 PM  
Blogger torts said...

the very sure. i recognise the tocang naik-turun tu alright ;)

7:16 PM  

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