Thursday, March 08, 2007

Where We've Been

It’s strange yet truly wonderful what your children do to you, they make you weak and break your heart in a million different ways and yet they make you strong; stronger than you ever thought you could be. It was my child that had me set on makng this journey alone, at first. N didn’t have the time and with much persuasion from my parents and him, I gathered the strength to go on this journey alone. Such are the wonders of God that my Nasri too, managed to pull some strings in his daddy’s heart to make him join me an offer I couldn’t refuse with a silent thank you sent to the One up above. He heard my prayers Alhamdulillah, as I truly wanted N to be with me so that I had his support on whatever that needed to be done after this journey.

So - N and I have been in the US for the past two weeks. We called it a holiday with a purpose. The main aim was to find help for our son Nasri and to see what more we could do to make life better for him as it seemed to us that there is so much more we could do. Of course, having made a trip all the way, we had to slot in some “holidaying” in between. It was really hard though for me to leave the boys as I had never left them for more than 5 days and the thought of them not being within 2 hours of reach from me for a whole 16 days was unnerving.

We arrived at the Option Institute in Masachussetts late Sunday evening on the 25th of February. It was already dark US time but I could see that the grounds were beautiful and the surrounding area serene and a pristine white covered with snow. My heart was thumping thousands of beats per second. It seemed like I’ve waited for this moment all my life, and then – there I was! We were there for this progamme called SonRise, a programme designed the help mainly autistic people of all different ages and we attended the start-up programme which was mainly to train parents or even professionals on how to help the development of autistic children/people or children with any other form of developmental delays. You may have heard of it; as a documentary on it was aired on Astro sometime November last year.

The moment I stepped my first step into the lecture hall, my eyes welled up and I just cried and cried. It was overwhelming. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was because every single stranger (and there were 66 of them) understood me better than any other person did back home and that we shared the same hopes and dreams. Maybe it was the anticipation of it all and the months of planning just to make sure it could happen and the feeling of relief that I was finally there. Maybe it was just a big slap on my face that God answers all our prayers and there was HOPE; something I wanted to see but never dared to really “hope” for. . Maybe it was the humbling realization that my little Nasri could make us travel all the way in search of some answers for him. I still can’t figure it out, but it was overwhelming enough for me to bawl my eyes out – but, oh, I wasn’t the only one! Phew!

The week sped by too fast. There was so much to learn, yet so little time. We had full intensive sessions on techniques, methods and Q & A and experience sharing sessions that there was hardly time to breath. One entry would not be enough to tell you how much we learnt and what we gained. I had stepped into the Institute telling myself that I had nothing to lose, and I stepped out knowing that it was well worth every penny spent. Learning from all other parents was a big plus point in itself. Sure, some of the things were things that I already knew, but nothing beats actually being trained in person and having a little memory jog on things I already learnt in the past. The techniques were refreshing and somewhat different from what little I had encountered before but it made a lot of sense and we came out more confident as parents.

Most importantly was the self-realization of it all. That there’s more of me than I ever dared to see and knew I had; knowing that I am my child’s best resource and only by being that I earn get to be called “Mama” and that there’s even more of Nasri than I ever dreamt I could get.

So- that’s where we’ve been. As for Nasri and us, I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do know that I’m better off than where I was only two weeks back. And, just knowing that tells me we’re set to go a long way, insyaallah!



Blogger KLMari said...


Been reading your blog for quite some time tapi tak pernah lagi tinggalkan komen. Happy to hear about Nasri's progress. Bet you are sooooo proud of him. My girl is also a special gift. She had DS. Although she looks like she's progressing well, deep down inside, I still worry what would it be like in the future, what else I can do to help/support her, etc, etc. And true enough, a simple progress from these child always brings tears to us, the parents. What others may see as normal things or not a big deal, it means a lot to me...Anyway, wish you and family all the best. Nasri is such a lucky boy to have you as his mother...Take care, ya !!!

12:01 AM  
Blogger mommy@lif said...

dear dena, i sincerely admire your courage & determination to equip yourself ie to seek every possible way, to help Nasri. like klmari said, he's lucky to have you as his mother. Moga Allah sentiasa memberi semangat yang kuat kpd dena sekeluarga.

sharing your good news :)

2:20 AM  
Blogger 1na said...

Kak Dena,

Kuatkan semangat and u r wonderful person. Insya-allah akan dimudahkan perjalanan. Amin

5:16 PM  
Blogger Nazrah said...

nasri is lucky to have a mom like u. and Alhamdulillah in a lot of ways, Allah has laid out a promising future for all of u...

dalam setiap kesusahan, ada kemudahan...

and remember, children came straight from the high heavens, they are here to enrich u.

7:28 PM  
Blogger TrudgeAlongMyNothingness said...

out of all blogs i've many of u guys are oversea..or just back from oversea..studying in oversea n maybe have gone to oversea..

sigh..when is it gonna be my time..pray 4 me..huuuu

1:46 AM  
Blogger Ms. Blabs said...

You will prevail, and Nasri will do well, Insha'Allah. It was good catching you online the last time. Take care.

12:06 PM  
Blogger rose said...

My prayers go to you & Nasri Dena. InsyaAllah segala doa ikhlas untuk Nasri akan dimakbulkan *amin* May Allah give you all the strength and good health.

9:42 PM  
Blogger OOD said...

its a story of triumph - but why do i go sob-sob? I am SOOOOOO very proud of you and the VIPs inyour life!

Yayang you loads!

4:17 AM  
Blogger ruby ahmad said...

Hi Dena,

Glad that I read this post of yours. This is so touching. I agree with the rest, Nasri is so lucky to have a dedicated mom like you. Keep it up. Insy, you will get the best for Nasri. My prayers.

1:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

will be back soon. will u be free to meet up? if so pls email or ym me yr number.

-kak tenah

11:27 AM  
Blogger anedra said...


6:27 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

klmari - i understand how you feel when you say you worry about the future. I think of it lots. But, I've also learnt to live in the present and do as much as I can now. As for the future,only God knows what it holds and I suppose for us, we have to believe and trust that He will do what's best! I don't know if Nasri's a lucky boy to have me as a mom - but I know I am a lucky mom!! You take care too! Kisses to yr lil gal.

mommyalif - Thanks for the wishes dear. Only God knows I need all the strength and semangat I can get!

1na - Thanks!! AND!!! I still havent emailed you have I???

nazrah: Insyallah!!

Trudgealongmynothingness: Alahai - insyallah, your time will come! Will put in a prayer for u!

Blabs: It was great to catch you online too! It's so hard to get online at the right time now that I'm back here! Take care!!

Rose: thanks! How have you been? Lama tak nampak? Or..errr..actually, I'm the one who hasnt been around!

Oodikins: Save the tears lahling, it aint a story of triumph yet! When it is, I will tell you and we will nangis together ok! Yayang you too!

Ruby : Ruby!!! Gosh, I feel rather embarassed now that u are here at my sorry-excuse-for-a-blog!! It's been great getting to know you. We must meet again!

kakten: ok, i will email you.

6:37 PM  
Blogger dillazag said...

Dena dearest,
I am so proud of you, dear. For being strong and doing all that you can for your boy. Nasri is so lucky to have you as a mommy.

11:55 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

Dilla: Thanks. but really, it's nothing extraordinary. Any mother in my shoes would do what I'm doing. So, actually I'm just being a mommy. It's not easy tho!

2:03 AM  
Blogger Arena said...


I admire your courage sis.. take care..

11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dearest Flat-toner... You're my most amazing friend! can't wait to catch up with you in Dec!


12:54 PM  

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