Show Me The Way
I have a confession to make and I am not sure whether I should blog about this. In fact, if this doesn't turn out right, I may just delete this entry somewhere along the way. I just felt that I have wise blogger mates out there that could shed some light on this issue thats been nudging and bugging my conscience for a while.
BACKGROUND:
I turned 30 this year. Five years ago, I gave myself an objective, that in 5 years I would put on a tudung / hijjab.
I still haven't.
ISSUE
My question to myself every other day for the past five years is this... And it's actually very very personal really. What does it take for me to make this step? What more do I need to do take this step? What more am I waiting for in life and from God to take this step?
Looking at my current lifestyle, there should not be anything to hold me back. I don't go disco dancing nor do I do stuff that would be strange for a woman in hijjab to do. I do all the other Islamic stuff that's required ie. pray 5 times a day, fast, zakat etc..etc. And..I do not wear short skirts or revealing outfits anymore, so that shouldn't be an issue either. On top of that, I am no crook (despite the bombs etc), I am a rather "decent" person with no bad intentions on the human race.
SO WHAT'S HOLDING ME BACK??
Somehow, taking this step seems to be scary. Really scary! In a BIG BIG way!
How many of you out there have felt this and overcome this?
Do me a favour and tell me how you did it, if its something you can share.
Because, I'd really like to know.
BACKGROUND:
I turned 30 this year. Five years ago, I gave myself an objective, that in 5 years I would put on a tudung / hijjab.
I still haven't.
ISSUE
My question to myself every other day for the past five years is this... And it's actually very very personal really. What does it take for me to make this step? What more do I need to do take this step? What more am I waiting for in life and from God to take this step?
Looking at my current lifestyle, there should not be anything to hold me back. I don't go disco dancing nor do I do stuff that would be strange for a woman in hijjab to do. I do all the other Islamic stuff that's required ie. pray 5 times a day, fast, zakat etc..etc. And..I do not wear short skirts or revealing outfits anymore, so that shouldn't be an issue either. On top of that, I am no crook (despite the bombs etc), I am a rather "decent" person with no bad intentions on the human race.
SO WHAT'S HOLDING ME BACK??
Somehow, taking this step seems to be scary. Really scary! In a BIG BIG way!
How many of you out there have felt this and overcome this?
Do me a favour and tell me how you did it, if its something you can share.
Because, I'd really like to know.
posted by anedra at 2:12 AM
35 Comments:
one day, u wake up and it will dawn on you that that is the right time. no one pressured me into it - and i waited until I was sure that I wasn't going to put on one day and take off the next. and the only advise from the other half is..do it dengan niat baik. and little taufiq who had been persuading me, was very2 happy.
massylassy: that would be very nice indeed to put in on yr blog, of course, if its not too much trouble for you!
adnilsa: thanks!! yes, I remember that tomboy in you and all the other tomboys at school...who are now all wearing tudung!! haha! I'd like to wait for it (the light?) to come from inside, and it has I think, the niat has always been there. But the WILL and strength, I don't think so!
kakteh: U gotta get Taufiq to come back and nag at me!
massy: dah baca dah! thanks so so much! Like I commented in yr blog, the story was a very good relevant one! InsyaAllah!
Hi Anedra,
I am of course, not Muslim but I give you this advice as a friend and as a prayerful human being. Just be yourself and be honest with God about everything. About the gold and also about the glitches. We don't know what the next turn brings. I have learnt so many wise and valuable things by holding God's hand - some nice & some a bit of a shock. Only you will know when it is time for you to make a decision for the self. But never say 'never' because you never know what the next day may bring and what you may be compelled to do. Trust in God to guide you through. Sorry that I sound so preachy but these tips really work for me. *love*
Susan: thanks for such kind and wise words. what you have said is true for all who believe in God, regardless of what religion. I really appreciate it!
That's great Anedra. To tell you the truth, I was nervous as I did not know if I was doing the right thing in commenting.
So now I must take off again, till your next post. Where are my hot towels, peanuts and refreshments?
hee-hee!
Anedra, this is just another dugaan in life - very subtle ones. To me the hijjab thing is between the individual and Tuhan. To begin with, kalau tak dapat petunjuk - you wouldn't be considering it at all, would you? So with your niat in place, it is already 'something'. Have faith, and doa.. insyaalah - one day "it" will just come.
FIRSTLY, I just realised that I've been mispronouncing your blogname as "AneNdra". WHERE that "N" came from I have NO idea. Solly ah!!
SECONDLY, this post moved me so. So much, that I had to pour my heart out too. Go read it kalau senang. :)
http://mysmorgasbord.blogspot.com/2005/06/to-wear-or-not-to-wear-that-is.html
Torts : Yes, I shall wait for the day. What I also want to know is..does it really come upon yrself one fine day that u will wear it? Or is there something that I have to do, so that THAT day will come?
Blabs: Thanks!I read it already and have commented but also have berlambak more to say, but that, I guess takes another blog and I didn't want to write a thesis in your comment box! You made me feel better, thanks again!
And..if u like Anendra, Anendra it is then! I noticed it, initially took it as a typo but I guess not huh?? Tis okay lahh!
salam anedra
i bloghopped from kak teh's. you're very brave to share this with us online. inshaallah, one day ur heart will be open to it wholeheartedly. like many have already said here, you may just wake up and do it ..and realise how easy it is. im a new hejabi (3 years now), and since putting on, never regretted it one bit, tho my past life and career was a good reason to prevent me from doing it. sure, the devil sometimes try to tell me otherwise... but have faith in Allah. A hadith said, if you take one step towards Allah, he will run towards you! inshaallah :)
anedra, i am not a lady with tudung either. remember if u decided to wear tudung, insyaAllah, i am sure it will be smoothsailing, mcm automatic gitu. good luck gurl!
ananda (ha ha ha, sesaja typo), do not underestimate the difficulty of putting on the hijab. ppl judge you from the outside, hijabis are often labelled as uneducated, kampong etc. the best thing you can dos is to ask Allah to make it easier for you, as ultimately we believe that dia maha berkuasa.
maknenek: hehe! feels funny to call someone MAKNENEK! thanks. I have a feeling that I should be the one running to Allah! how lah..
Ely: Since everyine says so. I guess so lah!
Atenah: Hepp! Ananda hang panggil aku! People's perception is always important..deep down its probably that. But i've always looked at myself as a non-hypocrit type (YA ka?). Yes..must dekatkan diri lagi dgn Tuhan and will take yr advise
anedra, you once said (coincidently - tis is on going for umrah) - "..nak pegi bukan nak minta anything, just as tanda kesyukuran". Perhaps you could take it from there - the fact that He's blessed you with all the abundance in life on his part, and therefore (?) - you do what's required of you on your part. Really - it's not that we have the choice, and yet we are all blessed. Maha Pengampun & Penyayangnya Dia.. Doa.
Anedra : I started wearing when I was 35 I think. I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. It just dawned on me that i should just put a tudung on my head. So on the 1st day of Ramadhan that year, I start wearing a tudung to work. My hubby pun tak tau I pakai hari tu, bila I balik dari ofis baru dia tau. Lucky he is the type yg OK punya. My office mates thought that I was going to wear just during Ramadhan only. Like you i started to "close-up" bit by bit, from skirt to long skirt, short sleeve to long sleeve like that. So like Kak Teh said you just decide that it will that day to start.
Anedra,
i hv never had the intention to wear tudung till i read a one liner - "Tiada kejayaan bagi wanita yg tidak menutup aurat". I started to think about it and the sort of 'kejayaan' that it's referring to. It didn't took me long to realize what it meant and i started wearing tudung the day i started college.
HE will give you signs - might be as small as an instinct or a thought. You just have to be concious about it. That's all. Good luck!
torts: did really say that? (must have come from the ustazah in me! hehe!) I am always thankful for being so blessed. Itulah nya, I am not keeping my end of the deal..you are right.
serilangkat: thanks too! i shall keep my heart open looking for the signs.
AuntyN: These signs everyne is talking about..I hope I get them soon! If only you could see through time, then I'd know. But life isn't meant to be like that lah kan? Maybe my usaha isn't enough. I think.
anedra,
bloghopped from somewhere and came across ur article.
like K.Teh said..HE will give u signs. and yes, it IS a big step. but once u put it on, eh! mcm senang sgt laa pulak!hehehe.
all the best*hugs*
come over, i have something for you in my blog :)
anedra: I kena lempang ngan my mother before i wear tudung. her exact word was "biarla kau sakit dilempang sekarang dari dilempang diakhirat" . I was 17, and being a teenager I protested. kekadang pakai, bila mak tak de tak pakai. until one day.... it just got me think: sapa yang aku nak cheat ni? then i pakai bila pegi kelas masa buat a-level..... start receiving attention from a few male friends, jadi malu lak jumpa diorang bila sekejap cover sekejap tak.... so i decided to cover. well, maybe i started for the wrong reason, but i'm glad I did it.....
nenn: Yes, I guess so. And hopefully tak susah lah bila I pakai nanti.
Maknenek : THANK YOU ZILLIONS! I can't say it enough!
SHidah: Agaknya, that's what I need. A BIG TIGHT SLAP.
anedra: what was it that shidah said? well, i can do it for you...aaah no lah! yes, listen to all the wise words and then take time and think. okay?
kakteh: i'll take your word on it!!
i called the day when i first decided to wear hijab as 'hari dapat nur'..maybe your time is yet to come..you will never know when or where...
cubalah sembahyang istikharah..
atiza, thanks. I will.
salaam..
Blogged hope.. I pray that Allah will gif u more courage to take d next step. My experience was exactly like yours.. u'll have ur sisters in Islam prayers... :D
salaam sister anedra..just wanna share an analogy given by one sheikh.."women are like candies..the more they are covered, the sweeter they are.."
may you always be showered with peace and blessings inshaAllah.. =)
to both anonymous sisters: Thanks for your prayers, how kind! ..And how I'd love to be a candy! ;)
narfnarf: you're right, its all about maintaining modesty. But that's it isn't it? when you don the hijab, people will expect you to behave in a certain way. Having said that, from what I see, that has changed. People don't expect women with hijab to be quiet and reserved and unopinionated. People are also more receptive to women with hijab. And I've seen many women with hijab, kick ass (big time!) out here in the corporate world!But its really up to you on what you want and why you are putting on the hijab. For me, its really a mattter of completing an act of faith as prescribed by our religion. There's no two way about it.. Tapi bila lah agaknya I nak ready ni?! Its mind over matter huh?
*kanak-kanak ribena dah minum dah?*
dear faith: thanks for the prayer! I'm working on it! :)
Salam,
Blog-hopped from Kakteh's and my first time reading your blog. Nice one you have here... :-)
To add on to the abundant supply of moral support, sunny wishes & doa going your way - remember that selangkah kita cuba mendekati Allah, seribu langkah Allah mendekati kita...
The sincere niat is already there and if you decide to go ahead and do it, He will make the path easy for you, insya Allah... After all, sometimes what we deem as our will and strength are actually His gift of will & strength...
a.z haida, thanks for your well wishes! appreciate it a lot! Insya-Allah!
u already have intention..InsyaALLAH..saya doakan ALLAH mudahkan.
macam mana tak wajib pula, rambut tu adalah aurat. tapi jangan pula tudung kerana rasa terpaksa. to me, it is a very personal issue, between God and me. do I love God enough to do the right thing for Him?. when i thought about it, enough is so very minute, i want to do the best for Him. think about the things you do for your lover, to please him and to make him happy.
so i covered my aurat (hairs), and good things happened...i went for Haj, paid zakat harta dan pendapatan (sebelum tu ada jer sebab tak nak baya), and now i am at the level of taming my ego...from amarah to the next station...and hopefully to the next and next.
good luck.
If you can answer these 3 question then you will act accordingly!
Q1: After introducing your background that show your morality, is this based on the belief of ALLAH, the Qur'an and it Prophet?
Q2: If the answer to the above question is Yes, what do you Fear? ALLAH and its command or your own delusion of fears and the fear of the society? (p.s.: your Lord is merciful, and if you don't put the veil because there is a fear to be raped or gang-raped like it happens in the massacre polgrom of India in 2002, then it is a command of your Lord not to put you life at risk and in the Hereafter you will not be accounted for disobeying your Lord and my Lord)
Q3: If the answer is you Fear ALLAH and Him alone, then DO you want the success in this World and the Hereafter, or to you want just the temporaty enjoyment of this World, the the ALmighty said is just a Game, and that The Prophet compared it like a traveler or a stranger in a country?
If you can answer these 3 questions then you will act accordingly!
Q1: After introducing your background that shows your morality, is this based on the belief of ALLAH, the Qur'an and its Prophet?
Q2: If the answer to the above question is Yes, what do you Fear: ALLAH and its command or your own delusion of fears and the fear of the society? (p.s.: your Lord is the ALL-Merciful, and if you don't put the veil because there is a fear to be raped or gang-raped like it happens in the massacre polgrom of India in 2002, then it is a Command of your Lord not to put you life at risk and in the Hereafter you will not be accounted for disobeying your Lord and my Lord)
Q3: If the answer is that you Fear ALLAH and Him alone, then DO you want the success in this World and the Hereafter, or to you want just the temporaty enjoyment of this World, which the ALmighty called it just a Game, and that The Prophet compared it like a traveler or a stranger in a country?
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