Monday, May 16, 2005

Girls, would you tell??

Since we're on the subject of relationships, I have a question for you ladies out there. An interesting sms came my way a few months back with this question.

"If you knew that your friend's husband was cheating on her, would you tell her?"

It took me a while to digest and then respond to this question. As usual, I'd put myself in the poor lady's shoes. Would I want to know or would I not? Should I want to know and then were told, what would I do? If I did not ever know, would I miss out on anything?

I have never been able to imagine N cheating on me. We're really high on trust. And (simpang malaikat) I don't think he'd do long as I am good to him too of course! N is probably the type, that if he were to "pasang" a girlfriend, he'd probably TELL me about it. He couldn't tell a lie and there are always tell-tale signs if he were lying or that he's uncomfortable, like he'd cough. for example;

N : I nak *cough* keluar kejap *cough*
Me: Where to?
N : *cough* jumpa "member" (N's friends are all "members" with no names)*cough*
Me : Do I know this member?
N : *cough*cough*n-o*cough* ok, bye!

So, I'd know. After 5 years of marriage, I'd really know. He maybe "macho" and all, but lying ain't his forte. I do know though that N, is a big risk taker and that he wouldn't think twice, if he thought it were right, to hook up with another one. Especially if he keeps his part of the deal and I did not, especially if I did not perform my wifely duties, like you know, making sure food is on the table when he comes home from work most of the time, making sure he's got nicely pressed clothes for work, take good care of the kids, be faithful, truthful, etc.etc..and of course perform the all important ehem..ehemm..*cough*cough* bedroom lambada every now and then*COUGH*COUGH*COUUGGHHHHH*!!. But having said that, I know it would be hard for N to do so, and such move would only be made, due to extreme, dire need for another female's companionship ('d better!)

Would I want to know? Again, this is a hot "teh-tarik" topic. Mimi, my teh tarik sista says, "what would you do if you know? Is there any point of knowing, if you don't know what to do after finding out? Unless you know EXACTLY what you want to do after finding out, then you maybe should not know." Ina on the other hand, "definitely wants to know". I suppose she's got a game plan.

And if you did find out, would you want to find out who the ***TCH is? Would you want to see how she looked like? Would you want to know if she is prettier than you? More beautiful, WOuld you want to know, what they did when they went out? WOuld you, when you find out who she is, plead for her to leave your husband alone?

Or would you give her a show of some top form black belt karate kicks?
And..give her a taste of hair pulling action?
..Before (or after) you give your "dearly beloved" a few kicks BELOW THE BELT?
ANd then..chop off his "members"?

Would it be worse for you to find out, when at home he is still the perfect doting husband and father..and has never changed from day one of marriage? Given that, would you want to know? WOuld it be worth the heartache of finding out? What if, it were just a one time fling for dear hubby, a one-off thing that would never happen again..because he still loves you more than anything, would you still want to know? If you were to find out, and then forgive..Would it ever be the same again? Would you be able to live with it?

I guess people make mistakes, and sometimes admitting or voluntarily telling the truth on such matters is not the best solution to this. Should a woman be told that her husband is having a fling or affair? I don't know. If the woman is happy and content with the marriage, perhaps not. If the man seems to genuinely, still be in love with the wife, then perhaps she shouldn't be told. There are many things in a couple's relationship that we as outsiders do not know, therefore would not understand.

WOuld I tell the girl that the husband was having an affair? Perhaps not. If she were a good friend, I'd probably give her some subtle advise, somehow.

WOuld I want to know if MY hubby were having an affair?


Some say, ignorance is bliss though.

But..I'm signing up for karate anyway!

Join me?


Blogger SC said...

as with all lies and deception, the truth will come out someday. i can bet it would hurt my friend even more if she were to learn that i have kept that lil info from her. i dunno.that's definitely a jam i wud not want to be stuck in

9:13 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

sc: I wouldn't want to be caught in this either. hard decision isn't it?

8:17 PM  
Blogger nyonya glenmarie said...

hai, anedra -my first time here :) i followed the link from SC's haloscan

it's one of those days again where i found a fellow stf-ian blogger - and yes i know you! :))) but you will definitely not remember me as seniors usually don't remember juniors unless the really 'glamer' ones.. hehe
btw i only cracked the anagram that is your blog address name after looking at your photo in the older posts.. i'll be a darling here & won't address you by your real name :) keep writing, STF-ians rawwkks! maybe someone will want to create a blogring of stfians one day, who knows!

btw, about the issue u wrote - hmm, i'd say i would prefer my friend tell. i'll deal with the friction later.. ignorance is bliss only if i would never find out about my husband having another woman on the side.. but i doubt that can happen these days as grapevines have also evolved with technology :P

better find out sooner than have people pity the unsuspecting wife quietly..

oklah, take care! will be looking out for future posts from you!

3:21 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

nyonya la mer: hey there sista! ok, so how sure are you that I don't know you? But looking at the age gap (yes, I checked out yr profile), have to admit, my memory ain't that great..and there is quite an age gap! *sigh*. it would be nice to know who u are tho, cos the baby pic doesn't tell much! haha!

About this thing I wrote, I still don't know. It's easier to say that you want to know, but will it be worth it? BUt if I do find out, then siap lah husband I!

4:51 AM  
Blogger narfnarf said...

difficult...very difficult...I've actually been in that kinda situation, where I found out my friend's bf was cheating on her...I kept mum, because I knew she knew he was capable of it and that it was her greatest fear. I wasn't around as I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to. It came out soon enough...but I'm not quite sure if I would have kept mum had she been completely oblivious of it. verrry complicated situation...lagi2 if you're married. Tu...I lack ilmu and pengalaman on.

5:00 PM  
Blogger shidah said...

payah tu, ni macam ditelan mati anak, diluah mati bapak...

6:02 PM  
Blogger nyonya glenmarie said...

Kak D_ _ a,
:) i have never spoken to you, so i'm pretty sure you won't remember me :D i'm from almahera's batch. used to know her then (as in we did talk & i did go to her dorm to hang out quite frequently at one point) but i've lost contact with her since first year of uni in UK.
that's not my baby btw, when i get one i'll put up her pic instead ;)
take care!

7:45 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

narfnarf: i always say "what I don't know, can't hurt me" as long as I never know lah! And thats the hard part, the world is getting smaller, you're bound to find out somehow huh?
shidah: memang susah.. what if by telling, u cause a family unit to break up? Tak cakap pun salah jugak!
nyonya : whenever I meet my juniors, I almost always recognise their faces. If you r almahera's batch, I would prob recognise you. If you give me a name only..thats where I go blank. My batch mates pun I tak ingat nama! dah tua, but in denial still! :)

10:35 PM  

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