And So She's Found Herself A Man..

News that my little sister has finally found herself a boyfriend has hit the airwaves. And naturally, being the big sistah that I am, I find myself being all worried over her and fussing about thinking if HE is treating her right, wondering whether they see each other a lot or too much or whether they hold hands (heeppppppp!!! Doncha touch my lil sis you hear!!) etc..etc, you know lah how it works.

I haven’t really met him. “Haven’t met him” meaning, I haven’t had the chance to interview him and get a background search done. Maybe I’ll do a body search as well. Who knows what these young men carry on them these days, kan? If possible, I want the Secret Service to go spy on him and them once in a while you know. Like how Pak Tam did on Dad when he was dating Mom. That’s just waaaaay cool. Perhaps, we should get the SWAT team as back up too. And if they ever get less than an arm’s length’s distance between each other, then Secret Service shall just have to barge in and disrupt any action happening..M16s..barettas, silencer,grenades and all. The Ministry of Defence and Ministry of Home Affairs shall be alerted and this big sistah shall get news that "everything’s taken care of Maam. Target is in safe hands. Mission accomplished. Over and out." Just so I can sleep well.

I did meet him once. As I said, it wasn’t really a meet. The thing is, it was at night and at our family barbecue. BUT, to be fair, from where I was sitting, he looked quite good actually that even the aunts were nodding with approval. So he scores - sort of. But this sistah won’t be fooled.. With the dim lights, smoke and all..who could tell whether he had street fight scars on his face, or looked like Kalimuthu? Lagipun, the aunties who smiled with approval were agak tua..You know what I mean? Lain kali datang siang, bagi tengok muka betul-betul! Lepas tu, apasal pakai cap malam-malam?? But I gotta give him some points lah, for trying...when he said to me that my lamb chops were the best he’d ever had. In this whole wide world. Haiya brader..I know all your tricks lah, TRY harder!

She told me yesterday that they went out for a movie recently. Movie?? Is that allowed?? Surely she needs to be chaperoned for that right? Surely she should inform me BEFORE she goes for the movie and not after the fact. Was it a horror action movie? Or was it just Chicken Little like (which would be ok lah)? Did he sit next to her? Did he try “The Move”? You know, where they pretend to yawn or stretch and stretch out their arms which suddenly, conveniently land on her shoulders? Did he take her to a kind of movie that she’d HAVE to cuddle up to him for protection from the evil spirits?

Deana, do you know movies are just a ploy for them to get physically close to you?? Adik, did you know all this?? Did you know that the cinemas are the place where all evil begins?? Did you?!

This is just so uncool. I hate feeling this way. I so want to be a cool understanding everything-ok sister. After all, I have been there and done that, as Deana would most readily remind me. Yes..yes..adik. But that was a long time ago, and it was different. The 90s were a totally different era, and the boys were..errr..safer? (haha!) Yeah right. Even I know it’s probably pretty much the same; this dating game we play.

But listen. Behind all the ISA-like interrogation, I understand. And I want you to experience this and have a good time. After all, love, at your age, is fun.. Keep an open mind. This relationship may last; it may not. (But if it looks like it will go far, make sure, he cleans and cooks!) Either ways, just make it a relationship that you will never look back at with regret. Above all, know your limits and STUDIES FIRST sweetheart. You know this big sistah is just looking out for you. I just don’t want to see you as an adult. You look better in diapers anyway. But, for your sake, oklah, I’ll admit this.. HE is rather cute and has great manners. Just tell him to lose the cap, ok?

And to the boy..Take care of that lil sis of mine. This is one sistah you don’t wanna mess around with.

Remember. YOU BREAK HER HEART, I’LL BREAK YOUR NECK.