Most Eligible Penniless Bachelor

I have a brother. People say he’s cute. Me? I think he’s chomot, but then I am his sister, I’m allowed to say that.

A is already 29, and works proudly for the government of Malaysia in the Diplomatic Service. Apparently, in our quaint little kampung, the word amongst the makcik-makciks is that he is the kampung’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Perhaps. But Aunties, before you set out, trying to match-make him with anak sekian-sekian, let me just tell you, he is quite penniless and thus getting married is something he can’t pull off just yet!

I’m sure many of you have noticed the dramatically increasing cost of getting married these days. For Malay husbands-to-be, first of all, you have to set aside money for the dowry or what is called hantaran. These days, it is said that the "market rate" is at a minimum of RM6,000 and even that, apparently, is waaaay low, for KL standards. Then comes the issue of what to put on those trays of stuff. If you get someone who is very brand conscious, you’ll have to set aside more for Hermes/Gucci/Ferragamo handbags and shoes in addition to other gifts like watches and jewellery which is in addition to other wedding-must-haves like wedding rings, wedding dresses etc..etc. Then of course, there is the issue of the function or kenduri itself. The luckier ones, will have their parents sponsor or part sponsor..and those who are not so lucky will have to fork out the money themselves. So at an average, to get married in KL these days, one would spend probably RM20,000 at least. If you’re planning a hotel wedding then add another RM50,000 to that!

The problem is, we are expected to follow this tradition of dowry giving, market rates etc or else we "lose-face". Of course. Actually, if you think about it, all this hoo-ha over hantaran and stuff, has been blown way out of proportion by our society. It’s not even called for by our religion. Our Prophet once said, it is enough to formalize a marriage even with just one kurma. But heaven forbid if that were really done here back in KL. If the guy was rich and did that, then people would say “kedekut bonar jantan ni” and if the guy was poor and gave kurma as offerings for marriage, people would assume “they were up to something funny those two..and that’s why kurma also can!”. It's no win-win situation, is it?

We should spend what we can afford to spend on weddings. If you are rich, then go all lavish..but if you are not so rich, then spend within your means. AND people around you should not be allowed to judge by what’s given or not given for that matter.

Unfortunately, it is tradition and standards have been set. We can’t control what people say and as much as we hate it, we sometimes have to live with it. So, as for my poor brother (and I'm sure there are many young men out there like him), even if he wanted to get hitched, he wouldn’t be able to afford it, yet, what with his government salary and all.

Obviously, being concerned, we (that's my mom, dad, my baby sis and myself) figured that if desperate, the cheapest way for him to get married, would be to get married on one of his assignments overseas. Have a little doa selamat and makan-makan there and thus escape the issues of the trays of stuff and the hantaran money (assuming his future wife is okay with this!) and then later, we could probably have a decent garden-do, with fresh flowers, candles (he doesn’t know we’ve planned it already) for him back here in Malaysia. A small, pretty and cosy affair for close relatives and friends.. Then again, of course, if A gets married in 10 years time, he should have enough money to pay for a proper wedding with all the works. That is, if he doesn’t blow it all away spending on girlfriends and what not.

Oh A, I know you don’t know when you are getting married yet, but I am already dreading the day when I have to let my buchuk-chomot brother go to the hands of another woman. And now that the kampung makciks have named you The Most Eligible Bachelor of our kampung, I fear that you may soon be under attack and that dreaded day may just come sooner then I expect! But don’t worry about the costs and all, we’ll always have back-up plans. Anyway, I think all the makciks know already that although you’re quite penniless now, you’re rich in values and ambition and that you are on your way to great-great things in life. I just pray that you'll find a beautiful, smart, loving lady as your partner in life and that she accepts you with or without money.

With your upcoming "greatness" (I'm a proud sister) in mind, and if marriage does come your way, perhaps the makciks would consider taking a post-dated cheque as your hantaran? That should sort things out, shouldn’t it?

A and Nasar

A better picture for KakTeh. The girls with him are our cousins, not his girlfriends!

ps. A, if you read this, jangan marah! You know I sayang you lah!