Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Perfection in the Skies

I love airplane rides. There’s just something special about being high up in the skies amongst the clouds. Especially early in the morning when the sky is a gorgeous calm blue, the sun is a warm, glowing, almost sleepy, red, and the clouds fresh, white and inviting. As though enticing one to take a stroll and perhaps have a little dance amongst them.

Yesterday, as is my almost monthly routine, I found myself comfortably seated in a plane, en route to Brunei, marveling at the beauty and perfection of the morning sky. The serene view as always, took my breath away. On and off, my thoughts drifted off to my two little sunshines, Nasar and Nasri, and how I hate being away from them, even if it's just for a day; already planning to call them as soon as I touch down. I wondered how N does it, going away all the time on work, leaving the kids behind and somehow seem unaffected by it. Men are like that huh? Unfeeling creatures! Hehehe..

That morning somehow, the skies reminded me of how perfect my life had been, just as perfect as the morning skies. I grew up with love and support all around me. I never had problems with my studies, nor my career. I found a man that loves me, who provides me with enough comfort that I need not worry about anything and can even afford a few tiny luxuries in life every now and then. And to top it all off, I have been blessed with my sons. The two boys who own my heart and soul.
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My sunshine Nasri

Life was perfect, almost. For, suddenly, in this journey of near perfection, I experienced a glitch, with Nasri. Perhaps not a great big one (and some may be wondering why I whine), but one important enough for me to know that my life is no longer as perfect as it “should” have been, and worst of all, that his life may not be like other kids. We find ourselves every other day in hospitals, meeting therapists, working out programmes just to achieve some form of speech from him. I now find myself making future “back-up” plans just in case things don’t work out with him. Assessing what would be best for him and as for me, personally, seriously thinking of doing things that would drastically affect my life in terms of my career, dreams and such. Emotionally, although I hate to admit it (I always have to be the strong one), this has affected me much. How could it not, when as a mother, I always pray and dream for the best for my children? Especially, when at times, I feel like we are not progressing and so, so helpless to help my own son, one I love with all my being and one that I am responsible for bringing into this world? And I have often, in these past few months questioned myself, why is God challenging me with Nasri? What is God trying to tell me?

I found the answer in the perfection of the skies. Because my life was perfect. As absurd as it may sound, I believe it makes sense really. Had my life been perfect, I may have forgotten HIM. Had my life been so perfect, I may have gone astray and forgotten the greatness of HIM. Had my life been perfect, my feet would not be planted firmly on the ground as it is now and I wouldn’t have seen how tiny I am in HIS world. Nor would I have seen how powerless I am in HIS universe. I would have been in a blissful state of ignorance in HIS world, had life been perfect.

And so, I found my answer, so crystal clear, yesterday in the skies. God sent me a beautiful little messenger, a subtle signal from HIM, in my Nasri. A signal, that HE is the Almighty and only HE knows whats best for me. Something I always knew, and have always told myself…but was also kept at the back of my mind, just like something you take for granted.

For the first time yesterday, an overwhelming surge of mixed emotions enveloped me. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time..But for most of all I wanted to cry my heart out. (I would have if it weren’t for that guy sitting next to me, and it just wouldn’t do attending meetings with red swollen eyes, would it?). Jokes aside, for the first time, yesterday, things REALLY made sense and now I feel serenely calm in a strange, strange way. I can’t tell you how great it feels, to finally figure out the best part of this “discovery” of mine…which is..

That Nasri is proof of how GREAT HIS love is for me.

And that’s just perfect, really, isn’t it?

26 Comments:

Blogger noha chomel said...

kak anedra,

sesuatu yg berlaku mungkin ada HIKMAH disebaliknya. Sama macam saya, apa yang berlaku pada Nurin mesti ada sesuatu yg perlu saya pelajari. yang pasti Tuhan tidakkan akan membebani kita jika kita tidak mampu melaluinya.

my pray always be with u..hugs

11:27 PM  
Blogger torts said...

God's gift smtimes come in a package different fr what we expected. It's good that you've discovered yours.

:)

11:39 PM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

Every single time we watch TV3's BersamaMu, we are left with the feeling that we are so much more fortunate than the families potrayed on the show. We have gone through a lot with our family and sometimes rasa macam "Why us?" but when we look at others around us, there are always those who are worse off. It's really humbling. I selalu ingatkan ni "Allah will not give us more than we can handle". I am sure you will be okay. ANd your son too.

11:53 PM  
Blogger Uja said...

Oh Anedra, how poignant and how true. I could not agree with you more.

Nasri is God's manifestation of His love for you - to make you closer to Him, insya'allah.

1:27 AM  
Anonymous apples4me said...

“Burdens are the foundations of ease and bitter things the forerunners of pleasure.”-Rumi-

Sesungguhnya kita dicipta untuk diuji..

Still..., bless your life Anedra.. for some might have more trials to face..
This might be the first step...He is ready to raise your spiritual plane higher..

3:13 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

nc,torts,queen,uja,apples: I am definitely blessed. God has been kind to me. Thanks for the prayers. APpreciate it. :)

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Rose said...

Heh babe very nicely written. Don't worry too much about nasri, i am sure he will catch up with his peer as he got his mum with him to help him overcome his difficulties.

5:39 AM  
Blogger narfnarf said...

As human beings, our perfection lies in our imperfections. :o) *muacks*

10:02 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

rosie: thanks honey.

narfy: you're such a wise astronaut! :)

10:05 AM  
Blogger faux diamante said...

there is no such thing as an imperfect child.

as for nasri, he is a beautifully packaged glad tidings sent from up above.

Let's just see what other little surprises are in store for you.aren't you lucky to have discovered love in the midst of trials and tribulations.Alhamdulillah indeed.Looks like u have a pretty charmed life.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Ely said...

Nasri is so cute! looks like his mama! rasa mcm nak cium kuat2.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Cekpah said...

anedra
u cuba amalkan surah al-rahman ayat 1 -4... insyallah dimudahkan
sebelum baca tuh niat semoga dgn berkat surah arrahman nie dapat membantu...** say ur prayer **...

wassalam

7:56 PM  
Anonymous atn said...

hugs

9:41 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

nazrah, ely, cekpah, atn: thanks y'all! love ya lots!

10:20 PM  
Blogger Ms.B said...

Very heartwarming. It's quite bizarre, isn't it, where HE chooses to show us the signs or make us realise something so poignant? That just goes to show that HE truly is the only one who knows everything, and HE knows the best way in which to show us, the straight path.

Syukur Alhamdulillah that you have "seen".

And do not worry about Nasri. God is there to protect him. Remember that HE only puts us through what HE knows we can endure, Insya'Allah.

6:01 AM  
Blogger atiza said...

*lotsa hugs*

7:40 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

blabs n atiza: hugs, hugs to you both and lotsa kisses too!

9:56 PM  
Blogger Kak Teh said...

am touched and will hug him and cubit him, if only he'll come near me.

1:09 AM  
Anonymous theworker said...

Well, Einstein said his first word when he was six.

2:54 AM  
Blogger About Blogreader said...

Beautiful entry.

3:01 AM  
Blogger anedra said...

kakteh: this time u come home, he will! :)

theworker: that's something to think of eh?? there's hope perhaps ya? one's gotta believe in that!

blogreader: merci beaucoup!

4:36 AM  
Blogger EM&EM said...

Anedra

Every child is special and there is always a blessing in disguise in what is stored for us.Selamat Berpuasa to you and your family.

5:33 AM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

He's so cute. I will pray for his recovery.

Take care

3:33 PM  
Blogger anedra said...

em and anggerik: thanks so much! :)

11:38 PM  
Blogger Arena said...

Seberat-berat ujian ialah ujian kesenangan dan kekayaan. Sebab manusia bila senang dan kaya tend to forget their Maker. Bila kita diuji, pada siapa lagi kita hendak mengadu. Dia jua. Syukur Allah masih ingat untuk uji kita. Hugs to you and Nasri.

8:03 PM  
Blogger shidah said...

all of us r blessed. it just how do we look at things :)

5:50 AM  

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