Constipated
After a one-week absence from the office, getting my heavy post-Raya bum out of bed was a chore. Especially, when my other half decided to declare today a day of leave for himself and was gleefully snoring away as I hit the showers. Sheeesh..some people have the luxury.
As for coolies like me, post Raya week seems already jam-packed with assignment after assignment. Most of which I do not look forward to, as each (as I scanned through the workload), spelt M.A.J.O.R problems. Most of which are due by the 11th and that’s just this Friday!! Most of which involved scores of issues that have to be addressed and resolved (not by me but I have a wonderful job that requires me to be stuck in the middle) and which potentially could result in moi being screwed by the bosses. Not because I was at fault for all the problems that we have, but more because, I’d be the one within nearest reach to them! Sheeeesh again!
In addition to work stress, yours truly is not all in the best of physical state either. In terms of bowel movement, that is. It seems that the bowel has not moved for days!! Again, proves my belief that the mind and body (mine, that is) are not in synch. My mind says, please Numero Uno, come! But the body buat donno je! Oh the torture and the headaches! I swear I drank all my water. Tonnes of it! I downed glass after glass of prune juice. I ate fruit after fruit. And after consultation with an experienced one with a spastic colon (for she must be an expert!), I tried the qi qong moves she prescribed at 1am last night in my toilet. Imagine doing qi qong waves at such wee hours of the morning. 15 repetitions…bowel still will not move. But there was gas, lots! This morning I swallowed two Nona Roguy extra-strong-killer-phyto-cleanse tablets, which normally makes your face purple and sweaty with pain. Nope, nada, zilch, nothing, no pain so far. I am thinking of getting some petai, jering, buah kerdas or something like that after work..see whether that’ll help! I normally stay away from those..but desperation shall make me give in. After all, stinky business calls for stinky pods, no? I tell ya..once I do get to the loo for business Numero Uno..I shall celebrate and rejoice. All of you, come makan at my place!! Yes!
Ooops. Time to go..But not to the loo unfortunately. Am scheduled for a “merry” meeting with the management. Am so not in the right frame of mind for serious discussions today. I hope the Nona Roguy killer-extra-strong-phyto-cleanser tablets kick in during the meeting. I’d rather be stuck in the loo today, than be in a room with stressed men while managing a constipated bowel, and I guess..a rather constipated post-hari-Raya mind too!
In the meantime, while waiting for The Call from Numero Uno…I’ll just think happy thoughts.
As for coolies like me, post Raya week seems already jam-packed with assignment after assignment. Most of which I do not look forward to, as each (as I scanned through the workload), spelt M.A.J.O.R problems. Most of which are due by the 11th and that’s just this Friday!! Most of which involved scores of issues that have to be addressed and resolved (not by me but I have a wonderful job that requires me to be stuck in the middle) and which potentially could result in moi being screwed by the bosses. Not because I was at fault for all the problems that we have, but more because, I’d be the one within nearest reach to them! Sheeeesh again!
In addition to work stress, yours truly is not all in the best of physical state either. In terms of bowel movement, that is. It seems that the bowel has not moved for days!! Again, proves my belief that the mind and body (mine, that is) are not in synch. My mind says, please Numero Uno, come! But the body buat donno je! Oh the torture and the headaches! I swear I drank all my water. Tonnes of it! I downed glass after glass of prune juice. I ate fruit after fruit. And after consultation with an experienced one with a spastic colon (for she must be an expert!), I tried the qi qong moves she prescribed at 1am last night in my toilet. Imagine doing qi qong waves at such wee hours of the morning. 15 repetitions…bowel still will not move. But there was gas, lots! This morning I swallowed two Nona Roguy extra-strong-killer-phyto-cleanse tablets, which normally makes your face purple and sweaty with pain. Nope, nada, zilch, nothing, no pain so far. I am thinking of getting some petai, jering, buah kerdas or something like that after work..see whether that’ll help! I normally stay away from those..but desperation shall make me give in. After all, stinky business calls for stinky pods, no? I tell ya..once I do get to the loo for business Numero Uno..I shall celebrate and rejoice. All of you, come makan at my place!! Yes!
Ooops. Time to go..But not to the loo unfortunately. Am scheduled for a “merry” meeting with the management. Am so not in the right frame of mind for serious discussions today. I hope the Nona Roguy killer-extra-strong-phyto-cleanser tablets kick in during the meeting. I’d rather be stuck in the loo today, than be in a room with stressed men while managing a constipated bowel, and I guess..a rather constipated post-hari-Raya mind too!
In the meantime, while waiting for The Call from Numero Uno…I’ll just think happy thoughts.
posted by anedra at 11:09 PM
17 Comments:
ANEDRA! Hope it's not to late for me to wish you and your family Eid Mubarak... Meh nyanyi lagu Selamat Hari Raya ramai, ramai - Selamat Hari Raya, Hari Untuk kita bersuka ria! Yah! Yah! Yah!
It's calling now! Any moment now!
ailin: lax-it? i wish..nothing works!! how lah?
mamijarum: it's never too late babe! Happy Hari Raya to you too!! The Ccall tak call-call lagi nih!
:(
Selamat Hari Raya, Anedra!!!! :)
Sorry to hear about your constipation!! I know how that feels coz between you and I [ok, realizing it now it's not just between you and I...] I have that problem often, especially when I travel. I think my bowels don't like foreign toilets... so if it's 2 weeks away, 2 weeks jawabnye lah..!! Hey, the solution, you'll have to figure out yourself coz what works for me may not work for everyone else. People tell me to drink water or coffee in the morning, eat bananas, prunes, etc, but they all don't work until I found out for myself that drinking Vitagen after my heaviest meal of the day, makes me go to the loo within 30 mins.
All the best!!! I'll be cheering from here: Number Two! Number Two! Number Two!!! *LOL* lah... skejap lagi I pulak nanti yang nak gi number two... *hehehe*
makan julap... hehehehe, like masa kita kecik kecik, lepas makan ubat cacing, kena makan julap. gerenti lancar babe! happy hari raya, maaf zahir batin.
ms spastic colon and i were just talking about u yesterday...wondering if u did u #1 already or not. hmmm, still belum eh?
how abt green tea! that thing makes me go 2-3times a day!
good luck my dear, huggs
hartini!!: Selamat Hari Raya!!!! Bila nak raya kat KL?? Eh, u and I samelah...kalau I travel, memanglah tak ke toilet. And I agree with u on the vitagen thing..it normally works for me. But this time, a bit chronic! It didn;t work! Pening dibuatnya!!
Shidah: Julap! Yes! Anyway, I am Happy to announce that the Numero Uno Called with a vengeance last night midnight!! YeeeeHAAAAA!! (Tapi sakit perut sampai berpeluh oooo) C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.I.O.N TIME!!!
Narfy: Prunes normally does it for me..this time, the bowel ada sikit degil. Entah apa lah I makan masa Raya itu hari!! But I am hey-OK now darling!! A-OK!!! YAYY!
Ely: I thought of you and spastic colon in the bathroom. You two had pompoms cheering me on. Had adverse effects which made me laugh instead of concentrate on my qiqong pelvic muscle flexes plus waves moves. That's whylah first night tak berjaya!!. You knowlah how u all described it ..macam xxxx berdirilah *winks*..this lah that lah! HAhah!! What wd I do without u guys huh??? Love ya for all this!!
YAAAAAAAY Anedra!!!
Go Dena, .. go Dena, .. go Dena!!
*Blabs doing that stupid hiphop swivel move and looking like an idiot*
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u must be a-okay alealy, haa. sonyum lebor je pagi tadi.. :) next time ada constipation problem - take dulcolax - sure heboh!
try eating papayas... the more the better. Half a fruit would do the trick : )
Blabs: All's fine and normal and "moving" now! Nanti can I see the swivel move live??
Torts n Husna: My Nona Roguy thing caused intense out of this world pain! I hope the dulcolax and papayas will be "gentle" ya?
Used to have a 30 something housewife in our martial art class. Cut the story short, she had problems with bowel movement and had tried everything under the sun, including (maybe) industrial grade grease. The solution was simple. She took up brisk walking. I read in a medical journal in the waiting room of a dentist that bowel movement can be aided by doing physical exercise like brisk walking, cycling, swimming, aerobic, kick-boxing or gyrating as if in a trance to the sound of Bob Marley. Be sure to sign the disclaimer that your gyrating has nothing to do with Ayah Pin music.
Anedra,
sowi hif hai hound her bih hasal behose hime finching my nhose. shtink lah man..
lagi lama simpan... wuih KEPUTAK dia punya bao. pulak pulak tambah kuasa petai jering kerdas... umanggg.. seantero selangor i tell you.
err i hope you have soaped your hands proper.
"Nanti can I see the swivel move live??"
No friggin' way!! :D
Bergen: I never knew that these days, just to gyrate one has to sign disclaimers of disassociation with Ayah Pin! How complicated life has become! I hope they catch him soon...that way I can be all rasta-like without the Feds breathing down my neck!
OOD: Aiyah...I went the night before yesterday lah for the Numero Uno! The powderful smell has long since gone. You don't believe you come my house smell the toilet lah! My left hand also you can smell! You wan or not?
Blabs: Awwww Shucks! And I thought I'd learn a new move or two from you!
Hi Anedra! just to follow up. Did you manage to do your number one after getting all the tips?
Anon: the cocktail of qiqong, prunes, fruits, Nona Roguy etc etc fruited success, and I successfully received the Call from Numero Uno a few noights back. But it was not without pain. And I am suffering till now, with numerous trips to the toilet every few hours for the Numero Uno who doesn't seem to want to stop calling! When they said "Be careful for what u wish for", they really knew what they were talking about!
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