Six Years!

Quite frankly, the day I said “yes” to N (or rather his friend who proposed on his behalf) in that mamak shop, I had no clue what I was headed for. I had only known him then for 6 months and there I was; all ready to be his wife. In fact, I didn’t even stop to think for one second for the answer. It just came, as though I always knew I would. The strangest thing about it was that, I had no doubts and I was not afraid. But then again, I was in love with him… But if you think about it, what is love anyway? What would a 24 year old like me then know about love? Is it an infatuation combined with lust and some strange wonderful feeling that makes your heart do leaps and somersaults and flitter flutter in a funny but yummy way? Is that it? And really, does just love keep a marriage going? Whatever it was, I too readily accepted his proposal and I was on my way to being his bride.

N asked me a few days after his proposal, why it was that I wanted to marry him. He isn’t into this “love” shebang. He is really quite boring in that sense. (hehe) He doesn’t buy the idea of love and believes that love alone would not keep us going. I suppose after growing up seeing failed marriages, he was not all that convinced. Of course, I, being Miss Idealistic and a romance freak at that time, was all set against him. He can’t surely be telling me that we’re not marrying for love! If we don’t marry because of love, then why bother at all! No! That’s not how it goes in the movies..and that’s not how it would go for me. No sirree!

N firmly said, that we should marry for the right reasons and went on with a long long ceramah on marriage in Islam etc..etc..and stressed that when we marry, it should be “kerana Allah” and that I should get my niat straight before we get into it all, or else, we should rethink this whole thing all together. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. But there was something in his look that said, I must not argue and moreover, that I should not worry. The more I learnt from him, the more assured I was. There was nothing to worry.

It shall be 6 years this Sunday from the time he shook Dad’s hands and the two half-deaf witnesses pronounced us as sah in marriage and I was officially handed over to N, for what the Mat Salleh’s would say “till death do us part”. Oh, I was such a happy bride that day and could not for the life of me fathom why mom was crying so. Mothers!

It has been a beautiful 6 years, but like any marriage with its share of ups and downs. There have been happy days and there have been crazy days. And after 6 years, I can’t claim myself to be an expert in marriage but all I can say is that it is really hard work and it ain’t no bed of roses! There are days when I wish I could just walk out of the house, fuming mad and wish I could leave him to suffer. Oh yes. There are days when I ask myself time and time again why I ever considered marrying him at all! Oh definitely yes. There are days when I feel like sending my plate flying across the kitchen table to him! (tapi sebenarnya tak berani!) But most days, I know God has been kind and that I am blessed. And I thank the Almighty for giving me such a patient, generous and bald husband for me to spend my days with and for me to share downright flat-toned conversations with; even though he’s not romantic, even though he's like a gangster at times, even though he’s more flat-toned than I am…and even though he farts like nothing else!

No, we’re nowhere near what you’d call a perfect match and there are so many things that we still need to work on. The only thing I know now is that patience, compromise, trust and perhaps some of that love-lust thing takes you a long way; and miraculously, the 6 years have pretty good. In fact they have been lovely and yes, we are happy.

I would like to believe in fairytale endings; but I’ve lived long enough to see that they don’t happen to everyone. I won’t stop praying though that ours will be a journey that will see us to the day we have MPV loads of grandchildren and are all wrinkled and have silver hair. The journey won’t always be smooth I’m sure but nevertheless, it will be something precious for N and I to share; especially now that we have two beautiful boys which have made life for us seem complete. But of course, as N told me 6 years ago, we’ll need a lot of help from the Big Guy up there; and we must always remember why we are here in the first place. His formula has worked so far. I guess, we’ll just continue to live by it!

Happy Anniversary to me and N! Six Years! Six Years! Six Years!!

ps. Happy Anniversary too, to Blabarella and her Mr Daddy. We should do a double celebration some time!

Help Please?

Question.

When a man tells you he doesn’t want anything for his birthday and tells you that for 6 years in a row, are you supposed to believe it and live by it, or is it just one of those “no=yes” sort of thing and I’m supposed to read in between the lines?

The thing is, N’s birthday is coming up next Sunday, it is also our 6th anniversary (and also Blabarella’s 6th anniversary too!) on the same day. Unlike our other guy friends, N has always told me every year without fail that he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, whenever I ask. Neither does he say “All I want is you”. (Puke! Puke!! Hehehe..Not that I ever want him to. It just won't go well with me lah.)

So really, it’s fine with me if he doesn’t want anything for his birthday. If that's really what he means. But a lot of people say that but don’t really mean it and therefore, the “no=yes” thing and you read in between the lines and go get him something anyway. As for N, I have tested this on him; and he bluntly told me that, the next time I want to buy him something, consult him first. Which was somewhat a blow for me, the first year we got married cos it sort of translated to “I don’t like this thing you bought but thanks anyway and next time ask me first.” What?? Ask him first before I buy him something?? Who changed the rules here? Aren’t you just supposed to say thanks and look happy about it?

Well, ok sir. Your birthday, your rules. So, second year, I got him nothing. Third year nothing too. Right up to the 5th year. And next week, will be the 6th year and I’m wondering…Am I reading him right? It is getting boring you know that I don’t get to surprise him with stuff.

What bugs me is that, I don’t get the point of this “ask me first” concept. Whenever I do ask him, like just today, he says “nothing”. And if I do, he says, consult him first. And when I do consult him, he says "nothing"! It’s just a big round-about we make every 29th of January from one year to the next and it's so like a movie repeated every year that I'm beginning to think that I'm missing something here!

You’d think that after 6 years of marriage, I’d know my man. Well, I'm pretty sure I’ve more or less figured him out but this is one area which I still need expert advise on. Perhaps I need to go look for that "Mars and Venus" book I chucked 3 pages through, somewhere sometime ago. But oh please! I really don't want to do that!

Girls! Help?

Guys? What’s up with you guys eh? And you say we women are complicated! We never say no! To presents that is..

The Birthday of a Princess

About twenty three years ago, my brother and I were puzzled and worried by the drastic change in mom. She was bedridden and in such a bad state that Dad had to do the cooking and on days when she felt a bit better she’d piggy-back on Dad’s back for a trip downstairs as she could hardly walk! Those too were the days when I started getting acquainted with the rice cooker, the measurement of water and rice so that we could still have rice for lunch and dinner while dad cooked his all special Chinese dishes since mom was too weak to even move a muscle.

Soon we were to understand the reason behind the acute nausea and various sicknesses that mom had. She had a baby in her tummy! And because the baby was giving mom such a bad time, my brother and I were already imagining the horrible things it would do to us! Which left us, brother and sister, quite unsure about the baby, especially as it had just been the two of us for 8 years in a row.

But it’s not like we had a say in things like this. Mom's tummy grew bigger and she soon was almost herself all over again. On January 10th, 1980-something (can’t remember the year, you do the math!) Dad rushed off to send mom to the hospital in the middle of the night. Early the next day, he came back with news that SHE had arrived and that we were to get ready to go to the hospital to meet our new baby sister.

It was a baby girl and we despite all our reservtions about her, we couldn't help but love the tiny pink creature we saw. Bro and I were given the honour of naming her. So we did and named her after Princess Diana who was always in the papers those days. Yes, the late Princess of Wales. And a princess, the pink little thing turned out to be indeed.

D has always been the center of attention and has always seeked for it. When she was three, she was already performing in front of us..shaking her tush about - OH-MY-GOD, daily. She always said "look at me. look at me!", "watch me, watch me do this!" as she twirled around in long flaring skirts that mom made for her, trying out new steps to dance with the song she was singing, holding an imaginary microphone. Her favourite song those days was...what was it? Jejaka Idaman? By Raja Ema? And anything out of the Sound of Music. She was so into the Sound of Music that she had memorised the entire dialogue from the movie, ALL the songs and even the little performance that the Von Trappe children did in the movie; which she forced us to watch her imitate and perform every other day, AND then clap for her! After a while, instead of calling dad, “Daddy” or “abah” like the other normal children in the house, she’d be about the house calling dad, “Father..father!”, just like how the Von Trappe children did in the movie. Thank God that died off after a while!

22 years later, she is still one who likes to be on centerstage. You’d find her performing in Melaka on various theatre shows. You give her a microphone, she’ll never let go, she loves singing. She is always in one performance or the other. At the same time, she claims to be serious in her studies, which, actually she is..and intends to be a super-duper-kick-ass business woman someday..It’s just that, she hasn’t decided actually what exactly she’ll be business-ing in just yet.

But D is serious and amazingly independent although we have pampered her all these years. There are days when I can’t help but marvel at her strength and determination to do what she wants; which can only be possible when one is as stubborn and hard headed as she is.

And yes, 22 years on, she is still the princess of the family. She claims that she is the unlucky one to have missed all that my brother and I had together in the 8 years that she wasn't around. But she doesn’t realize, that really, she is the lucky one, to actually have what we wouldn’t have dreamt of having AND getting away with when we were her age! But we’re the ones at fault, really. We spoil her rotten!

It was just yesterday that she turned 22. Apparently I was late for a really happening birthday song for her by our Pak Aji backed up by a choir of other aunts, uncles, and cousins, including tiny little baby Sofea, who sang it in two versions..One original and the other ala pop-yeh-yeh. It was so loud, I was told, everybody on our little Bukit could have heard it, instead of the takbir Raya! Of course, the little princess was mighty pleased with this; to be the center of attention again. But then, it's her birthday..so it's allowed.

Soon, I will be attending her graduation. My little sister who is still afraid (sampai nangis-nangis) of clowns will soon leave her little cocoon of friends at university and venture into the real world. Not long after, we’ll hear wedding bells ringing for her. Sighs.. But before that, let me tell you Adik, that life has been a lot sweeter and errr…spicier with you around. And although, abang and I don’t say it often and although we nag at you all the time, we actually do love you to bits and have you in our prayers everyday and wish that life will give all things beautiful, just for you.

Happy Birthday Princess D with all the love from my heart!

Ps. By the way, she's single. LELONG! LELONG! hehehehe...

The Year End Mad Rush Holiday

N has a way of delivering last minute surprises come the final week of each year, or so I’ve noticed. This year, I went through weeks of negotiating and trying to squeeze in a short holiday in his busy schedule, which most of the time was turned down or was given a “to be advised” answer and on bad days, a straighforward "NO". I had given up. Then on the Wednesday before Christmas he rang me at my extension to say “Pack the bags, we are leaving on Saturday night!” to which I shrieked “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!” like a 5 year old screaming in delight on a slide in a playground. Nevermind where we were going and nevermind the short notice, I was happy that at last we were leaving Kuala Lumpur for time-out from the office. And was doubly pleased to find that mom, dad and my sister, D were coming too!

So, the 3 days before departure was a mad rush. I had to pack for the kids, I had to make hotel bookings and in between work and all the arrangements, we managed to mess up one booking which resulted in us having to travel one day earlier, Friday! Phew! Thank God for years of travelling light, I wasn't too worried about the last minute change. The bags were the least of my worries. As long as we had our tickets and passports, we were all set! Our spirits were never once dampened by the change and screw ups. After all, tis the season to be jolly. Isn’t it?

Christmas Eve we found ourselves in the Land of the French Disney and in the company of Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Pluto, Cinderella, Snow White and the lot. The land of Fantasy and adventure, the land of all that's magical. The boys were excited, Disneyland was made just for them, they believed. And although it was so cold (it snowed!) that our teeth were chattering and every single muscle in our bodies were freezing, we had a blast! Mom, dad, kids, grandparents and aunt, we all got carried away!



L-R: Notre Dame, Eiffel, N and I on "time-off" . Yayy!

A few days later, we were touring Paris. What can I say? How do I describe it? "Beuatiful" doesn't describe it. "Breathtaking" is an understatement. Strolling down it's wide, tree-lined avenues, you could almost hear violins in the background playing a tune so pleasing to the senses that you it makes you feel like you're floating by on invisible wings. I could've gotten carried away with this feeling, almost. If not for the cold-cold weather! And although this was my second trip there, the Eiffel Tower still amazed me away every time we passed by. Being there with N this time also made a big difference (the last time I was there, I was still going solo.....). To be with the one you love at what’s said as the most romantic city in the world, made the winter cold almost unfelt. *grin*grin* (Thanks mom and dad and Deana for babysitting the boys and giving us some time-off! :))


Oh, and the pastries! Oooh la la! Mom and I couldn't stop ourselves from stopping by at the window displays of each deli that we passed by to savour the sight and smells of french pastries. Of course, a large amount of pasrties were also consumed in the short period we were there. Highly justifiable to me, I say. What's a holiday without the makan, right?? Too bad I didn't take any photos of the food we ate. I so fail as a blogger!

From KakTeh's files: That's us arriving in Waterloo. You could see her fingers clenched, ready to pinch the boys!

The best is always saved for last. Since we were just a few hours away, we couldn’t resist dropping” by at London, especially since our little "London Connection" is there. We were greeted at London Waterloo after a 3 hour Eurostar train journey by a very happy, excited and smiley KakTeh and her "sayang-mama", Taufiq. (Was it my imagination, or did the boys try and cover their cheeks when they saw you, Mak Teh?) Of course, she was on standby at the arrival hall when we got there, and OF COURSE she had her camera clicking away at us walking into the arrival hall, even before we got the chance to run to her and smother her with kisses and hugs and what nots!


Us gals at Stratford
N spent most of the days there scouring the British museums with my dad and Pak Teh, while us women (that’s my mom, KakTeh, the girlie cousins and I) spent more time at places around the hotel and in the city shops, multi-tasking, ie. catching up and doing the "necessary" things that women do (oh, the sales were crazy!). In between we managed to hire cars to drive to Stratsford (Shakespeare wuz there!), Oxford and the Cotswolds to give N a taste of the English countryside and to show the boys Oxford. (ambitious parents?? naaah, we wanted to buy the t-shirts! haha!).

Dad and Mom in Oxford - nak enrol cucu!

Oh and the makan, was out of this world! You name it, Turkish, Lebanese, Egyptian, Indian food..and oh, I can't begin to tell you how much time I spent I spent in the food halls of Marks and Spencers, Tesco etc for chocolate eclairs, rich and thick chocolate and vanilla milk, fruit smoothies and such! Ood, you asked if I lost weight? Go figure! All this was topped off and ended with nice surprise grand finale when we bumped into the "Choo" man himself, Datuk Jimmy Choo, who so graciously paid for our last scrumptious lunch of mutton korma and kuey teow kerang at Mawar in London! So, it starts with lunch, perhaps another day it will be a pair of shoes, Datuk? Yes? No? :D

L-R: Us having Egyptian food at Abouhamed's, Mom having a go at Lebanese, at "Feiruz", thanks to Rehana!

The London visit was priceless, and all because it was quality time spent with the aunt and uncle (or rather “Toks”, mind you) and cousins almost 24 hours a day while we were there. It’s been a long time since we spent such good quality time with KakTeh and family. When they are back, we have to "share" them with the rest of the clan and what seems like the rest of Malaysia! As for me, it was so amazing to see how my once lil baby cousins have grown into such fine, beautiful and handsome youngsters. Was it really 12 years ago that I was there watching them run around at home and telling them bedtime stories? I would never have been able to recognize them had I bumped into them in the streets of KL or London. Oh, how they’ve grown! And it was great to see how much love KakTeh and Sir AG gave my sons, Nasar and Nasri, and how the boys bonded with their Uncle Hafiz, Aunty Rehana and Nona and little-but-not-so-little-anymore Uncle Taufiq (Taufiq, you're a GEM with a capital G!) even though they hardly ever meet all of them. To the "Tehs" or actually, ehem.. the TokTehs, thank you so much for spending all that time with us. We missed all of you even as we landed on homeground at KLIA.

The ones we miss so! Our happy and kenyang family!

We touched down in KL on the 2nd of January 2006 and all the way on the flight, we couldn’t help but reminisce the good times we had, especially the times with the family in London. When we will ever get to do that again, I don’t know. But what a way to end 2005 and start 2006! Wonderful. Just wonderful.