Glorious Essex Days!

I was taken for a trip down memory lane two Sundays ago when I received a surprise long distance phone call. Normally, when a person’s first words to me are “Oi! A**hole! Where have you been?”, I’d reply with some profanities from my own dictionary. But, it was Rose, my flatmate-capati maker-cook-confidante-lookalike of three years from my Essex Days. So instead, I shrieked with joy, instantly recognizing her voice. And, off we went catching up on lost time. There was much to say, since, after all, it’s been a good two years since I last heard from her!

The years I spent in Essex were, without a doubt the best three years of my life. I made great friends there, most of whom I am still in touch with till today. Many, of them I talk to once in two to three years (like Rose) but whenever we do talk, we could talk for what seems like forever! To add to my list of friends I was reunited with this month, yesterday, I was in touch with A.J a course-mate of mine for three years from Sri Lanka. He was one who used to camp at our flat to do assignments and to study. (Actually, he was just looking for someone who’d make tea for him!). It was fun then; even during every exam season! Exams usually fall every summer, and A.J would bring tubs of Haagen Dasz to our flat and we’d binge on ice cream while mugging! (hence, note the "tembam"ness in the photos!) There were a few others (Sam, KV, Asad etc etc) that later joined our study etc group. Oh, we had a whale of a time studying (ha!ha! Boleh percaya ke?)

When I think of Essex, I remember the days we spent in Colchester, a quaint, small university town where we used to lepak after classes. Our favourite haunt was Tilly’s, this little coffee shop in town that had this delicious iced-chicory coffee that tasted almost like cendol but minus the cendol. I also remember lazy Sundays spent walking to Wivenhoe, a pretty little fisherman’s village just 15 minutes away from our campus.

For more excitement and fun (and when duit scholarship masuk), we’d take a half an hour bus ride to Clacton-On-Sea, and spend some time at the Pier where they have fun rides or go dipping in the sea. Actually, only us Malaysians had the guts to go dipping in the freezing British sea. I wonder what the Brits around there thought about us then. Whateverrr! It was fun anyway

Essex was also known as a party uni. I won’t lie and say that I was so "baik" and that I never visited the dancehalls at uni. Those who studied in England probably know that, Essex is popularly known as THE partay uni of England (or so they claim) and “boasts” of parties every day of the week. Every Wednesday and Saturday, we’d have something (read: majlis tari menari) at the Students Union and on other nights there would be other events (read: majlis tari menari lagi) organized somewhere else and I did go once in a while to let off steam. Ok lah, I had my share of fun.. .and apparently, I was quite a d.a.n.c.i.n.g q.u.e.e.n according to some! *cough-COUGH! * Which is funny actually, when I think about it. Cos these days, I have no idea how to move to music anymore, much to my son’s dismay! I'm so out of it, and more like a kayu now! Well..it's time for change anyway..

BUT, BUT, BUT! To keep myself “balanced” and as to beringat as mom perpetually reminded me to then, I had my “sisters” and "brothers". These blessed souls, were the people from the Islamic Society whom we had discussions and Quran recitals with. They were a neat group. One sister whom I remember oh-so fondly of, is Sister Rafah Kayali, a Jordanese who has the purest and sincerest heart in the world. And such a strong woman too! She was like a “big sister” on campus. I was the more feminist one in the group. Always arguing on women’s rights in Islam. Whenever we had discussions with the brothers on campus, especially on Polygamy..I was always called to debate the issue. (Setakat itu je lah Ustazah Anedra boleh ceramah. Itu pun tunggang langgang. Lain, belum berapa pandai! )
the lovely sisters

Then of course, there was my Big Crush, for a certain someone called, S, a coursemate of mine who is Irish-Pakistani and had this broody look which is to die for! He was also a "brother"...and I helped him with our coursework (of course, I was more than happy to do so!) I think I possibly had this on-off crush on him throughout the three years. Sigh..my heart still flutters a little teeny weeny bit, whenever I see his photos. It was a silly CRUSH and went no further than that, though. S and I are still in touch till today and he is married now. Alhamdulillah... A.J brought him up in our conversation yesterday and was teasing me about it. You see, S was his house-mate for a while, and A.J knew what I was up to! Teee-heee-heee! Come to think of it, my monkey-crush on S was quite hilarious! Sighs.. Silly, silly me! The things we do at that age huh?
graduation day with mama and a blur aunty
Well, it’s been a good 8 years since we graduated in the summer of 1997. Rose is now the Head of Research in a local hospital in London, married with a daughter. A.J is now running his family’s gem business up in Sri Lanka, also married and expecting his first, this August, while Sam is married to a coursemate of ours, Aisha and they have a daughter. The rest of us are scattered all over the world, KV in Paris, S=Essex Crush is in London running his own business, Pash in the States is about to marry a CNBC reporter, and A in Canada is an Amway high-flyer!(?).
mom, dad and moi
If you had known us 8 years ago, you wouldn’t have seen much potential in us to be where we are today and what more as parents. We were this carefree bunch of students, always laughing and having the time of our lives each day. I can’t recall a day in Essex when I was feeling down (but then again.. I do suffer from extensive memory loss!). How free we were then, no worries, not much responsibility except to study (and exams were only once a year at that!).

Time really flies! Its such a wonder how we’ve “grown up” with time too! My Essex days were truly oh-so glorious. And the most glorious thing of all is that I met and made life-time friends while I was there.

I could go on forever talking about the good ol days. There are just so many feel-good stories to tell and so many friends that I have not mentioned in this post. I probably won't even ever manage to write it all down! So, I'll just keep those memories in my heart where it belongs.

I have to say, it was fun to walk down memory lane with Rose and A.J. Especially when we're older and more mature then we were the last time we met. I had a good laugh, and shed a few silent tears somewhere in between. It was good to catch up. It was GREAT. But the best thing about it was that we discovered that some friendships, like ours, do last forever.

C.H.E.C.K I.T. O.U.T!!!

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ps. KakTeh - sorry, tadi masa cakap got cut off..my battery kong!

I am going home a happy woman today! La! La! La!

A message for Dad

Our family has never celebrated Father's Day. And being the scatterbrain that I am, I even failed to notice that it was Father's Day last weekend. Someone pointed out through my last posting that it was Father's Day and I should write about the man in my life! Well then, I guess it's worth a shot.

So, here goes.

Dear Dad,

It's not that I do not want to write about you. But I am ashamed of my miserable way of writing. My words are SO NOT what a Professor of English would expect of his child! Plus, I have seen what other blog-people have written about their fathers. Such beautiful words have been said by the rest, to share their fathers with the rest of the blog world. I was afraid, I'd fail to describe how great a dad you have been, and thus, not bestow upon you the honour that you deserve for being such a superdeeduper dad, to me and my brother and my baby sister! There's also that ex-student of yours, who must have been an A-Star student, she writes so, so impeccably well! She puts me to shame, for I know, if she were put to task to write about you, she'd outshine me anyday! It did cross my mind that maybe I should outsource this posting to her. How leh??

Dad,
I don't remember much of my childhood. When I try to think about it, everything comes back fuzzilike in a blurry way (I inherited these genes from that MakCik Blur,you see), but whenever I go home and look at our family albums..I see that I was always smiling and forever laughing..So, I can only conclude that I was a very happy child and that I had a very merry childhood. Thanks to YOU and mama.

I also remember when I was offered a place at a boarding school down south. I couldn't contain my excitement! But, I could feel that you were hesitant to let me go, to be away from the family for the first time. I was persistent though..I still am quite stubborn huh? After much debate about it, you supported my decision in the end, and there we went taking that eight-hour drive down south. Mama told me later that you shed some tears on the way back..heheh! I didn't know you'd miss me that much! I missed you too..but, it turned out well in the end didn't it? I loved school Dad, it was fun. Thanks for letting me go.

I left you again when I was 19. This time, really far! Too far for you or mom to come rescue me, just in case I needed the occasional hugs from you. It wasn't too bad though, you were always just a phone call away. Plus..mama had that MakCik Blur on standby and she was really efficient too! And if I may indulge myself in some perasan a bit, you must have been proud to see your daughter follow your footsteps to go study all the way in the Land of the Queen. Aye?? It wasn't easy, I know, to let me go..but thanks dad, for letting me fly away, again.

Fast forward a few years later.

I know when I introduced N to you, you were quite-quite shocked. Yes..yes..he's bald and all, I know..But he's ok whaaaaat? Like Vin Diesel whaat.. Kan? Mama told you he looks like Dodi AlFayed... After that you were ok, a bit lah. I guess you weren't so impressed when he snored away throughout that theatre thing we went to watch together, huh? My fault, really. I should've known that theatre ain't N's forte!

I remember you summoning me to be your buggy driver while you went for a round of golf ,the evening N's family was to see us for dinner. I knew then, I was in for THE questioning of my life! You asked, "How sure are you of N??". I said, "I am sure of him" and murmured a weak, "we will be ok". After a few words of advise, and without the "killer" interrogation I was expecting, you gave me your blessing. As always, you trusted me with my decision, and did not continue fussing him with funny questions later that night, over dinner. Phew! Thanks Dad! And thanks to the blessings and prayers that you and mama have given us, I am very much a happily married woman today.

Now, I am a mother of two. I remember on my last birthday, when I turned 30, you gave me a hug and said " Is my little daughter really THIRTY??" (YES, Y'ALL. I AM THIRTY! ALREADY!). I may be older, Dad, but I enjoy these days most, when we can talk as adults and relate with each other on almost anything. I love the way my sons run and jump with joy whenever their Atok and MakTok come visit and see your eyes light up when you return their hugs! It fills my heart with a quiet sense of happiness that I can't describe with words! The boys are my presents to you and Mom. I guess, they're the best I can do for now as a "thank you gift" to you!

So, I hope Dad, it's not too late for me to wish you Happy Father's Day! Thirty years is a long time to wait for this! But then again, it's thirty years worth of celebration!

So, what do you say? Dinner on me? Again??
*wink-wink*

Love,
Your daughter ANEDRA

Mother of Mine

Mama sounded really tired when she called me this evening. She and Dad had just arrived home from their week-long holiday at an island off the East Coast. They really have fun those two. Eversince Dad retired last year, they have been globe trotting everywhere. How nice eh?

Well, Mama being Mama, although she's on a holiday, she calls us all the time and it's as though she never left for the vacation! For instance, before she left for this trip, she called me to say, "Mama nak pergi dah ni.. We are about to leave the house"..with seribu pesanan. "Don't forget this, don't forget that.."

Then when she gets to their first stop, she'll call again. "Mama dah ada kat xxx ni. How are the boys?". I'd answer her questions, although in my mind I'd be saying "Oh, Mom!You only left ONE HOUR ago! Nothing could have possibly changed since!"

But she's like that. Can't leave the house for a holiday, one minute after stepping out of the house, she will rindu everybody already. My sons, me, my siblings, my aunts, my Tok, her plants etc..etc..

While she was on this holiday, like ALL her other holidays, she "sms"ed me ALL THE TIME to give me an update of what she and dad have been up to.

SMS FROM MOM15/6/2005 4.39pm :
Jogged dis morning - 3km. Now HIS caddy, BERJALAN! I'm soaking wet! Tak payah mandi laut!"

SMS FROM MOM 15/6/2005 7.09PM :
How are the boys? (referring to my sons)

SMS FROM MOM 16/6/2005 12.04PM:
After yesterday's marathon, hari ni jangankan nak jogging. Nak jalan ke toilet pun seksa!

SMS FROM MOM 16/6/2005 12.07 PM : (Note: just 3 minutes after the first on that day)
Holiday with your abah is no rest you know! Now dia ajak mandi laut! ADOIII!

Hehehe! I can just imagine those two going dipping in the sea..joints and muscles all aching! But they're so romantic, in a funny way I think!

And those sms are in addition to all the phone calls I get many times a day describing what they had to eat, telling me what dad had talked about that day, telling me what dad was craving to eat that day, etc, etc, etc! No matter where she is in this world..she will always update us every few seconds. That's Mama. (I think she may have wanted to become a reporter when she was younger! aye?)

She expects me and my siblings to do the same too. When I was not married, after work, she'd call just to make sure I was ok every now and then. (Actually, I suspect she wanted to see what I was up to!) Now, she has me as her back up. I suppose she wants to be "COOL MOM" now..so she gets me to do all the dirty work. "ANEDRA, call your brother, check what time he's coming home?" Mind you..my brother is already 29. And for my sis "Telephone xxxx, where is she now? Ask her which friend she is with?"

Sigh..Mama..mama..

I suppose, she's just like any other mother, always protecting her children. Always making sure we are ok. But of course now, in this day and age..must COOL a bit lah. Hence, ANEDRA is pulled into the business!

Please don't get me wrong. I write this with all the love for my Mama. She's got the biggest heart in this world always full of love for everybody she knows. And for us, her children, there's just nothing that she would not do for us. In short, she's DA BEST!!

I am a bit worried though that her reporter-like traits are slowly trickling down to me. For, every now and then, without Mama asking me to, I'd be doing spot checks on my brother and sister, not that they've been up to anything funny! And, they have noticed it too! They always say, "you're beginning to act like mama. always asking where we are..what time we will be back..what we are doing..who we are with etc.etc.." Oh, how they moan those two!!

Is it supposed to be this way?? It's scary isn't it?

I feel like a MakCik now (no offense Mom! errr..and the other Mak Ciks out there!).

But Mama's cool apa.. and I know I'm doing this for a REALLY good reason.

And to quote Mama, "I'm only doing this because I LOVE YOU"

Oh Mom....!!

Mak Cik Mind Reader

There's this makcik I know; one that I have a special relationship with. You see, she reads my mind.

I'll tell you why.

Last night, I was having trouble going to sleep, thanks to that evil-evil cup of coffee that I foolishly made for myself before going to bed.

Sidetrack: I had fasted during the day, and I am one who cannot go through a day without my mug of nescafe. Well, sometime around 12 midnight, I remembered that I hadn't had my coffee. God forbid that I sleep without having that mug of coffee - pantang! So down to the kichen I went to bancuh my 3 in 1 Nescafe and gulped it before bed and thus, there went my sleep!

SO, back to that makcik.

As I was tossing and turning around, trying everything from counting sheep, to kicking N (to stop his snoring!), my thoughts drifted on stuff like the G.I Jane diet I have enrolled so bravely on, the holiday that I am dying to have, my expiring driver's license, my early retirement plan and what I should blog about this week. Then the phone rang at 1am with deliriously happy news that my baby cousin Wani, managed to secure a scholarship with MARA to become the first doctor in the family! And that MakSu (her mama and the makcik's younger sister) was all teary eyed with the good news! YAYYYYY!! Wani a doctor! That's my health plan secured!

Oh..ok, back to that MakCik.

I remember when I was about eight or nine years old, news of this makcik coming back was always such a big thing. My brother and I would have a countdown to the day that she'd arrive. There was once, she came back for a holiday, we were in the car and driving to Subang Airport to pick her up. We got there and waited but she never came out. We soon found out that we had gotten her flight details wrong and that she had flew in with an earlier flight and was already at her in-laws place in Gombak.

I was downright disappointed when my Dad told us that we'd just have to see the MakCik some other time and not that day. I sighed and sighed big elaborate dramatic sighs, till my Dad asked "What's the matter Anedra? Do you really have to see this MAkCik today??". I didn't answer, but went on sighing. Mom and Dad must have gotten real sick of my melo-drama that they decided to turn around and drive to Gombak instead. I was elated! And there she was with her luggage smelling of Londra full of goodies and always with an abundance of hugs and kisses and....pinches! Ouchhh!

There was this bond I felt, with this MakCik, which for me, was always special. And I suspect it is mysteriously connected with her doing my diaper changes when I was a baby. (Actually, she couldn't resist, I had a pretty cute bum, back then). And it is a bond I still feel today, at the ripe old age of thirty. Her return to us, every now and then is still much awaited, not only by us, her older nephews and nieces but even by the younger ones including her GRAND-NEPHEWS and GRAND NIECES. We are guaranteed days filled with laughter when she comes back, always entertained with her antiques, and oh, she even does a very sexy rendition of "I Will ALways Love You", which even causes my N to blush when he sees her at it!

This Makcik comes from the magnificent line of the wonderful aunts and uncles that I have. I will have to blog one day about my Mak Su and Pak Su, my Mak Tam and Pak Tam, my Pak Aji and Kak Nisa(who is actually an aunt, but more like a sister, hence the "KaK"), and my Pak Lang. Of course not to forget the Minang side of the family. My aunts and uncles have NEVER failed me and have been with me through thick and thin (not that I've been through SO much, though!). Even when I am now a mother of two, they are still there standing strong, supporting me (with emergency recipes for last minute guests, baju kenduri for pinjam etc etc) and the rest of the family through. I have always wanted to write about them,but with the diabolical writing skills I have, I feel I'd do them too much injustice.

So, why I say this makcik reads my mind?

Well, I couldn't think of any juicy love plots to blog about and suddenly, out of the blue, Pak Lang came to mind. He had left to work at some faraway exotic place recently, and I didn't call him to say goodbye the night he went, despite mama's persistent reminders. Last night, somehow, I thought of him, just before I dozed off to sleep. I saw him in Mama's kitchen, working away happily as he used too. I thought, "I'll tell a story about Pak Lang", my lonely Pak Lang in that far off place.

At 5 am in the morning, I got up to do some work. Naturally, I went bloghopping first, and lo and behold!! As though she knew I was thinking of it just hours before, the MakCik got to it, first. What a Mak Cik! I didn't know it was his birthday though. So here goes - Happy Birthday, Pak Lang! You're out of sight, but definitely not out of mind!

And as for that MakCik, if you don't know already, she's the one with the chocolates everybody loves.

She can definitely read my mind.

And, lucky me, she writes it better!

Booochiful People

First and foremost, I would like to offer my sincere thanks to all of you kind bloggers out there who were willing to share with me your experiences and challenges in putting on the hijjab. I have to say that I was completely taken aback by the sincerity in the stories that were told, and the advise that was so unselfishly given and the precious prayers that were offered too.

Also, (waah..this is beginning to sound like the Emmy's!), a special thanks to Blabarella, MassyLassy and MakNenek for putting up stories for me in their blogs (please go visit them. The stories are grrrreat!) ! And lastly,My Oteh for the heck of it (oooops, for teaching me how to linkmengelink, for showing me this lovely world of beautiful bloggers and for always being there when I need a good laugh!) I am touched to bits and I don't know how to thank you, ALL OF YOU, enough. You can be sure though, that I shall take all that has been said and shared, with me in the days to come and that InsyaAllah, that fine day shall come where ANEDRA shall embrace the hijab.

What I have learned though from this one week, is this.

There is just so much we can learn from each other and that it's just so unbelievably amazing, that people who do not know me, are so generously offering me their thoughts and cheering me on, in days where I seem to be lost and my mind entangled in confused jumbles.

It just affirms my belief, that you faceless-bloggers (and some not so faceless) out there are just such BEAUTIFUL people.

And for that, I applaud you and shall hold you dear in my heart and blog always!...and if it sounds logical, please accept a big-big cyber hug from me in return.

And for those of you who are not anonymous or don't want to maintain anonymous, we go makan someday ok?

Show Me The Way

I have a confession to make and I am not sure whether I should blog about this. In fact, if this doesn't turn out right, I may just delete this entry somewhere along the way. I just felt that I have wise blogger mates out there that could shed some light on this issue thats been nudging and bugging my conscience for a while.

BACKGROUND:
I turned 30 this year. Five years ago, I gave myself an objective, that in 5 years I would put on a tudung / hijjab.

I still haven't.

ISSUE
My question to myself every other day for the past five years is this... And it's actually very very personal really. What does it take for me to make this step? What more do I need to do take this step? What more am I waiting for in life and from God to take this step?

Looking at my current lifestyle, there should not be anything to hold me back. I don't go disco dancing nor do I do stuff that would be strange for a woman in hijjab to do. I do all the other Islamic stuff that's required ie. pray 5 times a day, fast, zakat etc..etc. And..I do not wear short skirts or revealing outfits anymore, so that shouldn't be an issue either. On top of that, I am no crook (despite the bombs etc), I am a rather "decent" person with no bad intentions on the human race.

SO WHAT'S HOLDING ME BACK??

Somehow, taking this step seems to be scary. Really scary! In a BIG BIG way!

How many of you out there have felt this and overcome this?

Do me a favour and tell me how you did it, if its something you can share.

Because, I'd really like to know.

Intan Payung Permata Hati

My baby N last night said a new word, "Nak Susu". I know that's nothing to shout about for a three year old. Others his age are probably capable of telling stories and speaking multi-languages by now. Not my baby (due to a development delay which I shall not elaborate on, as I have already) , but that's okay.


my baby N

When he said those two words, I felt like rushing off to do a sujud syukur. To thank the Almighty for this precious gift. Unfortunately, it's the time of the month and that wasn't possible, so I said a silent prayer, kissed my baby a million times and said "good job!" to him so many times, that in the end he looked puzzled!



when they were younger

Although Baby N's vocabulary is something like 15 words and the rest babbles and mystery sounds, he is an affectionate and expressive boy. Despite his shortcomings in speech, his brother, my N Junior seems to understand him well. Baby N only needs to squeak or babble some strange words to the brother and N Junior will come to me to say "Mama, adik wants some milk" or "Mama, adik says he wants to watch Barney", "Mama, adik says he wants a Game Boy and a Power Rangers VCD" (yeah right, nice try!) or whatever else. I used to think that N Junior was making things up and was using his brother as an excuse to getting things that he wanted. I used to tease N Junior and say "are you sure adik said ALL that??" and he'd innocently say "Yes, he told me just now!" . Funnily enough, Baby N seems to be happy with all the responses to his brother's requests to us. Could it be possible, that N Junior understands him?


N Junior as a baby

My eldest, N Junior is a very friendly child, very sociable and very much a "people" person. I sometimes wonder whether he is ever disappointed by the fact that his brother can't speak to him and have brotherly chats (on whatever children their age talk about!). I asked him once and my instincts were right. He is a bit disappointed but always, in the true manner of a big brother says "it's ok mama, nanti Dr C will teach adik" referring to Baby N's speech therapist.

I would consider getting pregnant and have another baby so that perhaps N Junior will have a sibling to talk to and so that perhaps, that will push Baby N to want to talk. You think that would work? Or would it work the other way around?

Wallahualam.

Despite all this, I am glad that N Junior is strong and very patient with his brother. I have such great support from my eldest. He is always so forgiving of his brother and is always there to teach and coach his sibling tirelessly. He even helps out with Baby Ns home therapy, that I now proudly call him my little co-therapist!

I have to say, that motherhood has got to be the most fulfilling thing that I have ever done and although my boys are far from perfect, I am a very proud mom. (I know..I know..which mother isn't proud of her children!) I am embracing everyday with hope (for Baby N) and end each day full of gratitude that God has given me my babies.

It's so much fun watching the boys grow, that I sometimes stop and wish they'd just stop growing for fear they will someday not want to be smothered with my kisses and someday stop wanting to hear the bedtime stories I have for them. I know now why people say they'd kill or die for their children because, I would.

In the car yesterday, N Junior said, "Mama, adik wants me to sing my song" (and that's ALL RISE by BLUE), so we turned on the CD and he went singing away. Baby N laughed all throughout the brother's rendition of the song. I wondered, "How does N Junior do it? Does he really understand his little brother?". I guess I have a lot to learn from my son. Perhaps God sent Baby N to us to show us how strong N Junior is, and in turn bring out the strengths in our own selves. He's so special. They both are.

These boys are my world.

And what a beautiful world it is.