Most Eligible Penniless Bachelor

I have a brother. People say he’s cute. Me? I think he’s chomot, but then I am his sister, I’m allowed to say that.

A is already 29, and works proudly for the government of Malaysia in the Diplomatic Service. Apparently, in our quaint little kampung, the word amongst the makcik-makciks is that he is the kampung’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Perhaps. But Aunties, before you set out, trying to match-make him with anak sekian-sekian, let me just tell you, he is quite penniless and thus getting married is something he can’t pull off just yet!

I’m sure many of you have noticed the dramatically increasing cost of getting married these days. For Malay husbands-to-be, first of all, you have to set aside money for the dowry or what is called hantaran. These days, it is said that the "market rate" is at a minimum of RM6,000 and even that, apparently, is waaaay low, for KL standards. Then comes the issue of what to put on those trays of stuff. If you get someone who is very brand conscious, you’ll have to set aside more for Hermes/Gucci/Ferragamo handbags and shoes in addition to other gifts like watches and jewellery which is in addition to other wedding-must-haves like wedding rings, wedding dresses etc..etc. Then of course, there is the issue of the function or kenduri itself. The luckier ones, will have their parents sponsor or part sponsor..and those who are not so lucky will have to fork out the money themselves. So at an average, to get married in KL these days, one would spend probably RM20,000 at least. If you’re planning a hotel wedding then add another RM50,000 to that!

The problem is, we are expected to follow this tradition of dowry giving, market rates etc or else we "lose-face". Of course. Actually, if you think about it, all this hoo-ha over hantaran and stuff, has been blown way out of proportion by our society. It’s not even called for by our religion. Our Prophet once said, it is enough to formalize a marriage even with just one kurma. But heaven forbid if that were really done here back in KL. If the guy was rich and did that, then people would say “kedekut bonar jantan ni” and if the guy was poor and gave kurma as offerings for marriage, people would assume “they were up to something funny those two..and that’s why kurma also can!”. It's no win-win situation, is it?

We should spend what we can afford to spend on weddings. If you are rich, then go all lavish..but if you are not so rich, then spend within your means. AND people around you should not be allowed to judge by what’s given or not given for that matter.

Unfortunately, it is tradition and standards have been set. We can’t control what people say and as much as we hate it, we sometimes have to live with it. So, as for my poor brother (and I'm sure there are many young men out there like him), even if he wanted to get hitched, he wouldn’t be able to afford it, yet, what with his government salary and all.

Obviously, being concerned, we (that's my mom, dad, my baby sis and myself) figured that if desperate, the cheapest way for him to get married, would be to get married on one of his assignments overseas. Have a little doa selamat and makan-makan there and thus escape the issues of the trays of stuff and the hantaran money (assuming his future wife is okay with this!) and then later, we could probably have a decent garden-do, with fresh flowers, candles (he doesn’t know we’ve planned it already) for him back here in Malaysia. A small, pretty and cosy affair for close relatives and friends.. Then again, of course, if A gets married in 10 years time, he should have enough money to pay for a proper wedding with all the works. That is, if he doesn’t blow it all away spending on girlfriends and what not.

Oh A, I know you don’t know when you are getting married yet, but I am already dreading the day when I have to let my buchuk-chomot brother go to the hands of another woman. And now that the kampung makciks have named you The Most Eligible Bachelor of our kampung, I fear that you may soon be under attack and that dreaded day may just come sooner then I expect! But don’t worry about the costs and all, we’ll always have back-up plans. Anyway, I think all the makciks know already that although you’re quite penniless now, you’re rich in values and ambition and that you are on your way to great-great things in life. I just pray that you'll find a beautiful, smart, loving lady as your partner in life and that she accepts you with or without money.

With your upcoming "greatness" (I'm a proud sister) in mind, and if marriage does come your way, perhaps the makciks would consider taking a post-dated cheque as your hantaran? That should sort things out, shouldn’t it?

A and Nasar

A better picture for KakTeh. The girls with him are our cousins, not his girlfriends!

ps. A, if you read this, jangan marah! You know I sayang you lah!

Uninteresting-Feeling Flat-Toner

*THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO AN OLD DEAR FRIEND JAJA WHO NAMED ME FLAT-TONER WAY BACK IN 1990*

When I am in a group of people, I sometimes get this nudging pokey-poke feeling that I am a bore and not intelligent enough to be interesting. Outside the comforts of home where people have no choice but to worship me (I am the Queen of the Castle, am I not?) and the busy daily hustle and bustle of the office where people respect me (I hope!) for being a so called “expert” in what I do, I feel like the thoughts in my brain just swirl around in lazy, hazy circles, hence rendering me quite thoughtless and perhaps uninteresting.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to wallow in self-pity, nor am I fishing for supportive compliments from friends whom I know will insist that I am clever and interesting etc. They love me and the thing with love is that, it is not only blind, but it also makes our senses numb and renders us biased towards those we love.

Recently, I was very fortunate to be in the company of some very interesting, clever people. Oh, how I live for such conversation and how I love listening to those people share their experiences in such witty ways. I could’ve sat there all day and listened to everything they had to say. Topics ranged from politics, the “younger generation”, the “London Bombings” etc. I had a few thoughts and opinions of my own to offer but it went all jumbled in mysterious confusing sentences, floating about somewhere in my so-called brain, that letting it out, would cause severe damage to my reputation and bring “nama buruk” to my friend who so kindly brought me with her for this lunch thing. Oh well.

I drove back very content and satisfied that I had such a fulfilling encounter with such intelligent lovely people. And then thought, “wouldn’t it have been better if I could give that back in return?” You know, equally interesting, intriguing, thought provoking conversation?

I suppose, I could give people a run for their money if they talked about offshore construction (but who wants to talk about that??), cleanliness of toilets, raising toddler boys, and blah..blah..blah.. And when digging further, I probably do not contribute much apart from nods and approving laughs and generously smiling, this issue of no-opinion is probably because I don’t feel strongly about much at all!

Say for example, the Anwar Ibrahim issue, his RM4.5m libel suit and all. What do I think about it? I think it’s good that it’s over and done with. The courts have done their job, Anwar may never get his money since you know who is bedridden in hospital and all and that’s that! And now that that’s over, let’s get on with life.

See what I mean?

Digging deeper into this, I know exactly why. It is not that I am not intelligent to the point that I can be uninteresting..(haha!) I do have very interesting thoughts that don’t come out right in words or at least that’s what I think!! Instead they stay in mushy grey matters in my lil zonked brain upstairs. And it is really because I am a “FLAT TONER”, a name that close friends (Jaja was behind this!) from that blessed old school in Johor who have righteously labelled me with!

What my friends have observed about me is this. I don’t feel (or so it appears) and therefore, I appear unopinionated. I do not have much expression and have been claimed to be anti-climax. People could be very excited about stuff, and I would be excited but I'd probably not say the right cheerful exciting stuff and be quite expressionless. People could be very sad, but I would share their sorrows, but not say the right things nor show the right expression. Yes, VERY me!! I am probably too rational, too unbiased that whatever happens, I don't feel much about it?

There is an upside to this Flat-Toner thing though, according to my employers, is that when I am expressionless, it makes me a good person to bring for negotiations. I don't give away much through my expressions, which is supposedly good and which is why I do what I do now.

Why I am thinking about this? Well, because those ladies were inspiring and are what I would want to be in 10-20 years time. I would like to have an audience of young people come talk to Anedra and leave thinking, they had gained something. Maintaining the Flat-Toner Anedra stance is something I have to change. I have to let my guards down once in a while, wake my sleepy senses up and learn to feel more and stronger about things which are important to me, at the very least. Maybe then, I could really give and share something back. Something a Flat-Toner would not do so well eh?

You Are What You Eat

"You are what you eat". I heard that somewhere before. Some other people say "Rubbish In Rubbish Out". Whatever. All I know is that, I have not been a saint or an angel and kept to my promise of eating less and/or healthy towards my goal of getting slim and keeping a healthy lifestyle.

It seems as though, the more I try to diet, the more fat I become. In the past month, 4 or, err maybe 5 people have come up to me asking me in the not so straight forward Malaysian way, "Are you pregnant Anedra?". So I get subtle words like, "Makan untuk dua ke?" (and I was only holding a glass of water when the "perempuan bertuah" said that!!) I also got, "Eh, semakin chomel Anedra ni..dah berisi ke?"(Initially I took "chomel" as getting smaller and started to gloat for a few seconds..to my horror that was not what she meant!!).

I discussed this with my ever so wonderful blog sisters, Elyand OODand Nazrah!. Ood said, "hmmmm..you might as well get pregnant then!" God bless her this wise friend of mine. Always has good wise solutions for all the problems in the world that one! Ely was more optimistic and said, "maybe they say it because you're glowing, due to having a lot of s*x!". Hmmm..that, I like. I could live with that thought ya know? Nazrah, on the other hand was more technically supportive offering solutions like lipo-in-a-box, as opposed to the Cronie, and Beautiful corsets that we find so popular here, even to the point of comparing the products. Of course lipo-in -a-box has to be tested first, but it sounds good to me. Maybe, just maybe.

I pondered upon it for a while (and avoided the weighing scale for a looooooong while) and figured that since I have been depriving myself of food, maybe, just maybe, my tummy "masuk angin" and therefore the pregnant like shape?? BUT on a recent biz trip to Brunei, I found out that I have been living in LaLa land and that I needed a hard shake back to the real, cruel world. I braved myself to step on a weighing scale (that wretched scale!!!) and almost died right there. It was not good, and I almost fell into chronic depression. I don't want to even hint to you the results! I'll just say that I am overweight..and I am a blob.

Wanna know why??

my secret bedroom stash of yum-yums

my favourite!!

I have been naughty. I have a secret stash of sinful goodies in my bedroom and I wake up in the middle of the night and grab some for some unholy, sinful self indulgence. God help me and only HE can help, I'm sure.


these melt in your mouth!

SO darling G.I Janes because of my secret nightime love rendezvous with my chocolates, I am what I am today..A pregnant-but-not-pregnant me..Oh, the horror! And while some of you can report progress in the regime. Anedra, is so close to being kicked out. Yes, GI's I have sinned. Real bad!

Of course, I can always say, it's ok..as long as I am healthy. True. But the thing is, being the right weight combined with healthy eating habits and regular exercise will take you there. Not, waking up in the middle of the night for nice belgian chocs, doritos and such. No! No! No! So, remember, (yours truly especially); "You Are What You Eat" and "Rubbish In Rubbish Out"..

HeEeeeeeEeeEEeeeeeeLLlllllLLLPPppp!

pssssstt..Ely, tell me about those choc malt balls.

Goodbye Dede

I hate goodbyes. Saying goodbye is like letting go a piece of your heart, and that's always painful isn't it?

Yesterday I said goodbye to Dede, a 20 year old who has been part of our household for two years. Dede arrived at our doorstep two years back as one of my "helpers" at home. She was a timid, quiet, serious and shy girl then. Throughout the years, she began to show her true colours, a warm, quiet, bright, determined and sisterly person. She warmed up to us, as we did to her. Most importantly, she became family.

The last two weeks before her departure were the hardest for her and for us. Dede was crying everyday. I chose not to think about it as there was just no point to do so. Returning home was not her choice. She was not given any. Family matters call her home, and who am I to stop her? So as hard as it was, we had to accept the fact that Dede would leave us and off she went yesterday.

The boys are missing their "kakak" already. Nasar is asking for her every now and then, (and tells everybody that she'll be back on Monday) and Nasri keeps going to her room to see if she is there and looks puzzled to not find her anywhere. It's only been a day. But somehow, now the house seems somewhat empty without her scurrying around doing her work, joking with the boys.

Oh well, such is life; it has to go on with or without the people we would like to be with us. I only hope and pray the best for our Dede. And as selfish as it sounds, I hope she returns to our family sometime... Anytime.

The One About the Haze and the Bosses

Like everyone else, I’m cursing the haze and the government for not declaring darurat already. I suppose we’re waiting for someone to pengsan and die on the streets of KL due to inhaling over polluted air..and then, declare darurat. By then, we’d have miles of people queuing up at clinics and hospitals suffering from jerebu-itis. And that is in addition to those, who are injured from road accidents and such. Pak Lah, (I know you read my blog) – declare darurat already pleaselah!!

Before long, at the rate this is going, those walking on the streets of KL, will be knocking each other head on and finding their noses hitting the ground like skittles as we won’t be able to see face to face due to this haze, as we are already creeping into the API of 500. Well, that’s what a wise friend of mine says, and she, is always right.

Talking about people who are always right, I was told 8 years ago when I joined the workforce, that the Boss, is always right. Always. Regardless of how wrong he or she is. No matter what. The Boss is always right. Which is, ladies and gentlemen, if you do not already know, is rule numero uno at work.

I’ve always been rather skeptical of this though. The person who created the rule that “The Boss is Always Right” must’ve either not gone to school or was working for himself, by himself, because it only applies, if that is the situation. So, perhaps because I was always a "non-believer" of the rule, that explains why I am where I am now. A successful coolie-kang.

But I suppose I have to change. A paradigm shift is called for. After 8 years of being in the workforce, I am now forced to revise my view on this issue, if that is, I want to get anywhere with my career. When the Boss says, “Jump”, you say “How high?” and then jump..even if you can’t and even if it means jumping off a cliff. When the Boss says, “Just Do It”, do not open mouth and say “But…..”, you, just do it. Why? Because it is so, and because Boss is always right. When Boss asks “ Do you have good news for me?”, always say “yes” even though you don’t have any good news. If you have a great smile and some acting skills, saying this should be no problemo. Trust me.

At work, I am one who has a string of bosses. I have my immediate boss, and two other not so immediate bosses and also report to Big Boss. Since, as mentioned, I do not plan to be a coolie-kang forever, I have decided to observe my bosses and peers around me and see what it takes to be a boss and be at the top. Apparently, “The Boss is Right” principle, is a major factor followed by “The Art of Fanning” which orang Melayu call “Kipas” and the art of “Kissing *ss” are useful and proven successful, which shall be elaborated on at a later date if deemed fit.

So when Big Boss says, “We have to achieve whatever-whatever”, my bosses do not say “But this-that” even if it’s not achievable, but instead say “Ok, we shall look into it” and turn to me and say “Do it..” to which I am supposed to smile very nicely, and say “Your wish is my command”, because, “Boss is Always Right”. Eh?

I have also learnt that when Bosses throw tantrums and start throwing things all over the place and/or at you, you must "maintain" and look as though nothing happened AND say thank you. Like what happened two days ago. A meeting of ours did not go as planned. Objectives were not achieved, everybody was stressed and so was Boss. So Boss decided to prove a point and started throwing pens, contracts across the table, one object missing my face by a mere few inches (which I skillfully avoided, thank you. It was not aimed at me by the way.). I would’ve joined in the throwing match, but apparently only Bosses are allowed to do that and so I just sat and watched. After which, we were asked to leave; the meeting I mean, not the organization..(phew!).

Up to that day, I always believed that, if you have not done anything wrong, there is no need to apologise..and I always believed that if someone starts throwing things all over the place and/or at you, you don’t thank them. Apparently not.. In such situations, madams et monsieurs, you lift your sorry bum off the chair, apologise to Boss anyway (for being alive, I guess) and thank him..for his five star throwing-stuff-act, before you exit. You see, it is only right…and that’s exactly what some of the rest did! Mindblowing!

Granted, not all Bosses are like this, and my Bosses (god bless them) are normally intelligent, sane, kind and gentle men. Unfortunately, these are difficult times and maybe under extreme stress, the brain shuts down and “yes boss” is the easy way out. As for throwing things, it is therapeutical, no? I for one, think it’ll be a long long time before I acquire this skill and to truly believe in the “Boss is Always Right” concept. I have learnt to smile and say “yes sir!” though, occasionally and when it’s really bad, I just smile and say nothing. But I’m not ready to go jumping off cliffs, nor am I ready to do a Nike and “Just Do It”. As for the art of “Fanning” and “Kissing *ss”, let’s not even go there. I'm not cut out for it, not even with my award winning actress skills!

I’ll just settle for my coolie-kang role instead. For now.



ps. by the time I finished writing, re-writing and editing this post, news came out that the government had already declared darurat / a state of emergency for Port Kelang, Kuala Selangor dan kawasan-kawasan yang se-haze dengannya. Thank you Pak Lah. Finally.

*Now go kick some *ss and clean up our air please? pronto! pronto!*

A Zoo, A Barbecue and A Bread Factory

Last week I was nursing some old basi sakit hati. The forecast for this week, then, was - GLOOMY. I was upset (since a few weeks back) that due to work commitments, I could not, as planned, go for a two day leave to attend a simposium which was important to me. Although I understand the criticality of quarterly results (timing wasn't good) and such; my absence from the company for 2 days does not directly translate to a company turnaround, does it? No, it does not. But bosses will be bosses, and work is work, so here I am.

Thank God for last weekend and my trip to the zoo. Yawn..yawn.. Again? Yes, my friends, we live just next door, it's like visiting neighbours. For those of you who do not know, we always ALWAYS go to the zoo to pay homage to the abang-abang buaya tembaga, elephants, rhinos, zebras, snakes dan yang paling favourite aunty-uncle keluarga monyet. Although we always go to the zoo, I still find a walk through the zoo refreshing and calming. Minus of course, the occasional whiffs of animal dung!

This time around, the boys spent more time playing with the birds which were brought out on benches for the public to touch and feel. Mommy just stood by click-clicking with the camera macam tourist tak pernah pergi zoo and licking on her yum-yum ice-cream cone. When we got tired of walking around, we'd go for a few rounds on the zoo tram until we got dizzy. As usual, when we got off the tram, my Nasar would scream "THANK YOU MR. UNCLE!" to which the tram driver would always laugh. Always.

the boys and their Kakak Dede playing with birdie

Fun. The zoo was fun.

On Monday our management treated us to a little barbecue by the lake. They discovered, recently, to their horror that we are beginning to look like zombies walking in the corridors. What do you expect when we come in before sunrise and leave well after sunset? We're probably breeding a colony of zombies in our cozy little outfit!


grilled bbq chicken. yummmy!

So, on Monday we were given a little time-off, from 5.30pm to 9.30pm. A simple barbecue was on fire, simple silly games were set-up and a karaoke set on standby for those who wanted some lung exercise. I thought I'd give a shot at singing but the cover of the karaoke booklet said "Lagu-lagu zaman 60-an dan 70-an", errr..gulp..not for me lah. So I just stood by watching the veterans. It was fun..we ate, joked, sat back and relaxed.

Objective achieved, for Monday at least. The zombies were back to work on Tuesday!

Wednesday, today, was a bundleful of fun too. I followed my son's tadika's field trip to the High5 Bread Town in Shah Alam. It was insightful watching how little small things make children happy. Everything amazes them at that age. They were a merry bunch, laughing and saying things like "Hey! Look! The sun is shining!' or "Hey! Look at the sky!" followed by giggles and oohs and aahs at everything and chattered on and on through out the journey.

I thought to myself...On normal days, I hardly ever notice the sun. And the sky...is just the sky! Yes? No? Being with the children and feeling their happiness with life made me make a mental note to myself, to soon, stop to smell the flowers, stop once in a while to really breathe in the world, bask in the sun and gaze at the sky. Someday. Soon.

The bread factory was interesting too. I was more amazed with the Bread Museum where the quality of displays were far better than those at the National Museum. Of course, a tour of the factory and bread-making process was thrown in. The smell of the factory was, heavenly! It kept reminding me of Ailin's Swirling Cheese Bread. Or is it Cheese Swirl Bread? Whatever. All I know is that it makes me drool!

Nasar and pals at lunch today

We ended today's trip in high spirits. Mother and son both happy campers. It's back to work tomorrow and Friday.

Can't wait for Saturday. That's when I plan to go smell me some flowers!